I can’t decide if I am being a grumpy old sod or not,
Yesterday we hosted Christmas Day.
My 2 adult step children and a boyfriend ( whom I had never met,) my mother and mil plus me and dh.
We have a small kitchen and the table does not accommodate 7 people. This meant we had to borrow a table and extra chairs from mil. She doesn’t use this table herself. It comes to pieces and is ancient and is kept in many pieces in her garage. Dh has a back injury and is still awaiting the results of medical tests to get to the bottom of it. He is on strong medication to cope with the pain and is on reduced hours at work and reduced pay.
Anyway, we managed to erect the thing.
None of his family drive, so dh had to pick them up and bring them over to ours.
Dh always gives his DCs money for their birthday and Christmas, this is what they ask for.
One of his dc earns more than either dh or do. The other one, who is also in their late 20s does not work and is a perpetual student. They have never had a job, not even a Saturday job. Their ambition is to stay at university and somehow obtain their dream job which apparently has nothing to do with the actual degree they are studying. Their partner works part time in retail and was also a student for many years.
When they arrived they gave dh one present between them worth about £15. The boyfriend also gave dh a token present. They didn’t give me anything. Not even box of biscuits or a bottle of wine.
Nothing.
Neither my step children nor the boyfriend contributed one single item towards Christmas lunch.
Afterwards, they sat there and watched dh struggling to dismantle the ancient rickety table, until I told him to stop as I could see he was in pain. Mil asked dh if he was alright and I said no, he isn’t he has a bad back and cannot do this. At this point the boyfriend then got up and dismantled the table. The boyfriend and I then carried all the parts plus the chairs out of the room and loaded them back into the car. We do not have room in our house to store this table nor do I want it in my house.
I then washed the entire dishes by hand. Unfortunately we don’t have a dish washer. I dried everything myself and put everything away. I don’t expect mil or my mother to help, they deserve a rest. My mother did ask if I wanted her to help but she is elderly as is mil. They have done their share of this over the years.
However, I was annoyed at my step children, who just sat there without one of them offering to help.
I have DCs who are younger than my step children. They are not with us over the main Christmas holidays.
They bought dh a present- each I should add not one shared present. I know 100% that if my children had sat there exactly like my dsc did, dh would have been very annoyed and told me so.
Yesterday I was upset and thought they are ungrateful brats. How rude to turn up empty handed, dish out presents to their grandma and father and not me, then sit there as if they are paying guests.
Dh came into the kitchen and offered to help dry up but I told him to go back. Tbh I wanted to be on my own to seethe!
I haven’t criticised his family but I have told him that next year, I won’t be hosting.
To add, dh and his ex wife have been divorced a long time. She committed adultery. I was not the ow. They tell dh they like me and that I am a lot nicer than his ex partner. Well maybe the ex partner wasn’t so nice if they behaved like this.
Before Covid dh would drive twice a week to pick dsc up, bring them to ours and cook dinner for them. They never lifted a finger to help and I always made a point of telling dh I found this rude. They were adults then, not children.
When my dc did the same dh would moan.
I’m currently looking at flights for next year and contemplating going away with my DCs with or without dh.
I don’t know whether to tell dh how I feel but I know he will defend his DCs.
Thanks if you got to the end of this.
Dh is not lazy. He does a lot of chores. I won’t be ltb over this but Christ if he ever criticises my dcs I think my head will explode with what I have to say about his dcs.
Does anyone have tips on how to let this go and not seethe with resentment?
If I mention it I just know it will end in an almighty row with my telling sh exactly what I think if his dcs and it will not be pretty.
I don’t want it to spoilt today as we have great plans to go out.
Thanks if you have got to the end of this.