Toddler kicking my seat at theatre

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Went with my DD14 to our local theatre on Xmas eve. A yearly tradition since my DD was 4, a lovely Xmas themed play.

This time, behind my seat was sat a mum with her toddler DD2 on her lap. In the few minutes before the play started, the toddler was kicking my seat. My hair is long and she managed to kick and drag my hair with her foot along the back of the seat and I yelped ouch and turned around, which was noted by the mum. I thought with this would be the end of the kicking.

However much of the first half of the show (approx 1 hour), the toddler was kicking the back of my seat. I wasn't able to relax, I tied my hair up, and sat forward a little as I was worried that I'd get kicked on the back of my head. I didn't say anything to the mum as I thought she would stop her DD kicking and also didn't want to create a bad atmosphere.

The toddler was rather unsettled in the second half and began to cry quite loudly, lots of unhappy looks from others in the audience, so her mum took her outside and didn't return. I was able to sit back and relax at this point and this made me think maybe I should have said something earlier, asking the mum to stop her toddler kicking my seat. However, in 10 years of going to family Xmas performances at this theatre, I have never experienced this. I could also see this was a mum trying to do something nice on Xmas eve with her toddler DD.

So my AIBU:

YABU: If you wanted the child not to kick your seat you should have said something to the parent.

YANBU: You shouldn't have to ask a parent to stop their toddler kicking your seat, it's the parent's responsibility and normal theatre etiquette.

Genuinely interested to hear what others would have done!

Honestly both your YABU and YANBU options fit.

The mom should have stopped the toddler kicking without you having to say anything, its just basic manners, but after it became clear she wouldn't you needed to speak up.

In the same way that the OP should have turned round and asked this mother to sort her child out, you should have tapped that person on the shoulder and said, "Can you tie your hair up out of the way so it isn't dangling on me please?"

I can't really agree with this.

I would if it was a case of road rage or something, but you need to treat every situation differently and politely asking a parent to stop their child kicking your seat in a theatre is a pretty safe one.

At the most they might get a bit snappy but if we shied away from that, we'd never talk to anyone in public.

It's also very important as both women and parents, that we model this to our own children.

Don't show your 14 year old daughter how to be a doormat, when the solution would've been a basic polite request, even if the mother didn't make her child stop.

Should be obvious to any mother that a toddler is too young an age to sit through any theatre performance. Her mother was probably there more for herself than for what her toddler would get out of it. She learnt the hard way that it was a foolish idea on her part.

It didn't bother you enough to say anything so the mum probably assumed you didn't mind the toddler fidgetting?

Well, two things that give me airplane rage. The person in front putting their hair over the back of the seat so you have Cousin It encroaching on your space, and a child kicking the back of the chair. All you are missing is the seat recline and you would have had a plane trifecta with this story.

YABU: If you wanted the child not to kick your seat you should have said something to the parent.
YANBU: You shouldn't have to ask a parent to stop their toddler kicking your seat, it's the parent's responsibility and normal theatre etiquette.

Both! You shouldn't HAVE to task - but also, if the parent is fuckwitted enough to allow their child to kick the seat in front, you SHOULD have turned round and told them so. Loudly.

Exactly.

And maybe the mother really wanted to tap the OP and apologise and reassure her she'll do her best, but she's yet another Mumsnetter who can't bring herself to communicate with others?

What's good for one is probably good for another.

I’d have reported this to the theatre staff. The seat kicking child and parent should have been made to leave.

I’m going for both
YABU and YANBU

A parent should respect others and stop their kid disrupting something
but equally
If a kid is kicking your seat its OK to ask for that to stop

I wouldn’t have put up with that at all and would have said something straight away and persisted.

Terrible parenting from this mother.
It is very difficult to cope with an unruly toddler.
Reminds me of travelling on a plane years ago with another family.
One of my friends had an older child repeatedly kick his seat. His wife politely asked the parents to control their child and stop it from kicking her husband’s seat. She was told that they couldn’t control the child!
Hence several hours of this child constantly kicking my friend’s seat, with him having to lean forward for the entire journey!

Yanbu. You shouldn't have to buta number of parents don't do the job required these days

Definitely this

Yeah, agree with others - you shouldn’t have to ask but increasingly these days parents do nothing that might upset their child and rely on everyone else just putting up with it. Others are even worse and get aggro with you for having the temerity to not to love everything their child does.

I was kicked in the head by a toddler at a theatre performance a few years ago, he’d been kicking my seat occasionally but then lifted his legs up and got me right in the ear. I reacted with a pain reaction then turned around and asked mum to make him stop and she sneered at me, “fuck off, he’s only 3.”

Most parents aren’t that bad but I do find that most are ineffectual and can’t seem to stop their kids doing whatever they like. I don’t visit the theatre as much as I used to, unless it’s for something 10 years and up or whatever.

If the mother is one of those dumb gormless types that aren’t going to stop the toddler kicking a seat she’s not going to be effective if you ask her either.

Why can’t people just parent and be considerate of others ffs. It’s such a small thing to say to your child ‘don’t keep kicking the lady’s chair darling’.

I am amazed that the toddler did not have their own seat. It makes it really difficult trying to see if you are behind someone with a child on their lap. A lot of theatres have a minimum age and require everyone to have a seat. Keep your hair your side of the chair.

I agree.

I would have told the child to stop kicking my seat 🤷🏼‍♀️

@fitzwilliamdarcy that's awful!!!! The fact that she swore at you was disgusting!

Did you then go to the staff?

She should have been thrown out for that.

This. If she is so tone deaf she doesn't actually notice despite it being brought to her attention already I would be thinking she might make a big fuss and this theatre experience is going to get even worse. Why on earth should a stranger have to point out to you that your child is annoying someone in such an obvious way..

I'm guessing this was panto as toddlers aren't usually allowed at full length shows. If so, a lot of the normal etiquette doesn't apply and I wouldn't expect the child to be totally silent, but I'd still have said something about kicking the seat.

They shouldn't but you know 'words' and all that.

Not sure why you'd leap to 'she might make a big fuss'.

Even if she did, that's when you have a word with a member of staff.

No-one has said a stranger 'should have to point out that your child was annoying someone in such an obvious way.

But come on, we're all adults and we should all be setting a good example to our children of how to communicate verbally.

Nobody wants a confrontation at a theatre, and i get that.
The other mother must have known her child was kicking the chair, she could have sorted it but she turned a blind eye.
Sorry you had a miserable time, hope it's better next time.

What ?