Told my friend to drop him

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

She uses the dating apps. She’s lovely and deserves a good man. I told her none of them are from there. If they are there in small numbers. She wanted to go on a date with this one guy.
She was previously larger. Now, she’s into running and yoga and Pilates. She’s worked really hard and is now approx 50 something kg. Was once around 80 something.

Apparently he was large too. He said to her “I need to see your before pictures at some point. I promise I’ll do my best not to laugh”

She looks pretty good now and worked very hard. I really admire her. I said he sounds like an idiot and that comment would just PMO. But I’m a one stroke and you’re out kind of woman.

She is like a little sister to me though and I’m a bit too protective. She’s 27 im 29.

Thoughts?

Oh I should add I’m adhd and asc so that’s why I sound very blunt and unforgiving😂

Sounds like a knob.

Yup. All seemed fine to her then he said that.

Also she’s just corrected me the comment was “I promise I’ll try my best not to laugh. I was fat so I can’t really say shit can I”

omg

Yeah..

50kg, unless she is very short, is not a healthy weight for an adult woman. A

She’s really short.

How about let her live her own life and butt out, you sound jealous she may get attention. FYI I met my husband online 19 years ago.

Does she know here so called best friend is bitching about her on MN and spreading gossip about her love life. 🙄

Sorry what? I’ve applauded her for her efforts. In no way would I be jealous. I just know she goes for the wrong men and gets hurt. I was just trying to explain the comment was a bit red flaggy

It’s up to her to choose though isn’t it? You don’t get to tell her who she can date.

Of course not. Again it was more just me saying. Please be careful the comments a bit red flaggy but maybe it’s not? Maybe it’s just a joke and Im not processing that

She’s an adult. Let her make her own choices.

so an adult woman is unhealthy when she weighs between 7.5 & 9 stone?

ridiculous! 😂

Don’t know where you got 9 stone from, I never said 9 stone is unhealthy. But yes, 7.5 is underweight (unless very short as I already said)

It's in the healthy BMI for someone 5' 3" which isn't that short. It just goes into underweight for 5' 2".

the OP said her friend was "approx 50 something kg"

extrapolating, could mean anything from 50-59kg, hence my figures.

50-50kg is not 7.5-9 stone.

My partner and I met on online dating. We were both super fat before we met and shared our before pictures. It was something we bonded over as we both understand the struggle - we both struggled with eating disorders too. I dont understand what the upset is at all. It's not red flaggy to share before pictures or ask for them, especially when you're both in the same boat and getting to know each other and explore your compatibility, I don't see how it is.

Maybe you are feeling shame on behalf of your friend for having used to be fat, which is kind of a you problem. Not a him or her problem.

Also have no idea what the back and forth about weight is for either. 50kg and even less is fine for some shorter women, they don't even have to be "very short".

It’s more about him saying I promise not to laugh. Just comes off as immature

Are you speaking from experience when you say there are no good men on online dating apps?

I found my partner on an app and have never been happier after four years together so I absolutely disagree with that. Even saying there are very few good men on there is super negative and not really the case.

That's not a great comment that he made but if he used to be big and lost weight then it might just be a joke that hasn't come across well. It's not your place to tell her that this means he's not the one.

You don't sound like a supportive friend at all - honestly, I just wouldn't share anything with you if I was your friend.

BMI might be healthy, but my mum is 5 ft 1, and 7 stone and she is a bag of bones. It's not healthy even if a BMI says it is.

I think since they both used to be overweight, it might be a bonding tool.

“I would have 4 takeaways each week 🤣🙈”

”haha, well I’ve burned just about all of the evidence of my fat days, I look giant in all the photos so they’re never coming out!”

And so on.

I think context is always important in these kind of posts.

Banter between couples often sounds inane when repeated to other people. I wouldn't read a whole lot into his comment. Sounds like two people getting to know each other. I think you should butt out and keep your negative opinions to yourself.

I think context is very important here.

Out of the blue it would be a weird message but if they've been bantering about their weight loss journeys it could be a completely normal continuation of the conversation.

It may make me raise my eyebrows a bit but I don't think it's a major red flag and wouldn't be offering my opinion to a friend about it unless they specifically asked me.