A reminder to myself for October 2025

[dontpokethemommabear]

Fucking Christmas.

Every year, I believe if I build it, they will come. And by come, I mean be happy, cheerful, helpful and generally quietly joyful and merry because their mum/stepmum/partner has once again magicked up a lovely Yuletide of thoughtful presents, delicious food, treats aplenty, sparkly lights and everything just really nice.

I don't expect much. I don't wake them up early (kids are 15,14,12,10), I don't make them go to church, breakfast is boy friendly bacon butties and pain au chocolate... I invited everyone for a dog walk on a sunny beach and didn't get cross when only my DP reluctantly came with me... we opened presents and I did ellicit a few smiles and a handful of nice pics but within 15 minutes it's all over. They disappear back to their nests like startled rats with the "fails" abandoned on the floor for the puppy to shred...

DP is hanging... his traditional boys Christmas Eve drinks gave way to some serious wine consumption last night and he's feeling it today. I've not even been cross about that! I just gave him a can of coke, 2 paracetamol and a wry smile. Then cracked on with making the Beef Wellington, fondant potatoes and all the trimmings...

I've spent an absolute fortune on food, drink, presents, tree and all the flipping trimmings and at the end of it all, no one actually gives two shits

So in closing, to myself in 9 months... don't bother with the spreadsheet of gifts, don't make a note on your phone every time anyone shows an interest in a potential present, don't spend hours planning the menu, shopping, prep and organisation.

Decorate the monstera, chuck a few pizzas in and just go to bed with the dog, a bottle of good champagne and a new book.

Fuck 'em.

Honestly, I think Christmas is overrated. This year, I stayed at home with DD in our pj’s all day and only had 2 people over for about 10-15 minutes to drop some presents and that’s it. She’s played happily with toys and I’ve caught up on some laundry and chilled out. I’ve also not got for anyone this year apart from my DD and partner (who doesn’t live with us so isn’t here today). SO much better than last year where we saw lots of family, done the whole traditional thing and DD was so stressed out it ruined the whole day for her. This is probably how we’ll do most Christmas’s from here on out!

I see sooo many threads like this. Women - because it usually is us - knocking their pans in for a special, family Christmas then getting upset that actually none of the kids really give that much of a shit about it! Losing it with the partner because he doesn’t do anything, because - News Flash - he doesn’t care either. Just stop doing it op. Stop it! If they want it, they can make the effort.

It sounds like you're always planning and hosting the type of Christmas you want, not necessarily the Christmas they want. There's nothing wrong with that but it also doesn't mean they'll necessarily enjoy it.

Sounds like they want a really mellow day, no fanfare with food etc. Probably also "cash in an envelope" as their gifts too.

Just me, DH and DD. Today we have stayed in PJs all day, we had Iceland/Tesco party food for lunch, everything just went in the oven for 20ish minutes, then Camembert and part baked baguettes were dinner. We've had snack foods out all day, alternated between Xmas movies and songs while DD has built Lego and learned a couple of songs on her new keyboard. I've been doing one of the sewing gifts I got as a gift and DH had been tinkering with his new toys.

No stress, hardly any mess, cheap and cheerful.

It's one day, make it a day you can enjoy.

We went low key this year, no presents, just the tree and fireplace decorated. Good food and booze, no visiting,no visitors. It's been lovely. No drinking yet. Splash of Bailey's in morning coffee. Hubby asleep on sofa. Im watching Carry on doctor.

Your kids are at peak antisocial ages, in a few years they’ll want to be more sociable. For the next few years just cook a more simple roast dinner and don’t worry about the rest. Give up on the stockings and do one main present for each. That’s the max you need to do. Same for DP.

I’m helping an adult child (single parent) get through it with her 3 and longing for the time when it will be just me, on my own, no fuss, tears, tantrums or mess. Please God, I’m so tired, let it be soon 🙏🏻

As pp have said next year go low key. Tell them their budget, ask them for a present list, with Amazon links, pay one of them to do the wrapping. Cook a roast dinner, get it from M and S. Order four new books from Amazon, buy your favourite chocolate, new comfy pjs and then indulge yourself on the day. Book, chocolate, lovely bath etc etc.

OP I’m sorry your work and effort doesn’t seem appreciated. Have you asked the kids what they thought, I remember being awful at that age and couldn’t possibly show actual emotion and gratitude to my lovely mum - but I did like the effort she made (the times she did). I’d say next year do what you want and can manage without spending a fortune and draining yourself dry, and see if anyone is perturbed you don’t seem to have run yourself ragged being Mrs Christmas.

Sorry op but thats pathetic. Do you think the waltons are something to aspire to?? Get real and grow up.

Oooh I wrote a thread like this recently - every Boxing Day I make notes for myself to read the following October for how Christmas went that year. Where had nice party food, which wrapping paper cut the easiest, anything to make next year incrementally easier. WELL... kids are 10 and 12 now and I've realised they would each be more than happy with some squash and a can of Pringles for Christmas lunch, so I am half tempted to give them exactly that next year (OK not exactly, you know what I mean).

2025 me's Christmas standards are going waaaay lower and I bet you anything no one even will even notice.

Next year I want to be in the Canaries for Christmas. I’ve had it with the joylessness. Also the slurping and the burping. From two “ladies” over 70!!!

I'm not doing it next year. Really really not.

Even if 'no one else cares' .... i wish they'd be a bit more cheery!

You're putting too much pressure on yourself. I see it all the time. We see family before Christmas Day, then on the day MIL pops over for a couple of hours in the afternoon. We've had our dinner. (Slightly larger Sunday dinner). We're all in our comfies, no glam here lol Chilling, talking, opening presents, film on in the background, and just hanging out together. The whole point of Christmas day surely, is to do whatever makes you happy. No one else can provide that for you. If you feel that family are taking you for granted, switch it up next year 🙂

Ibuprofen for hangovers, not paracetamol. The strain on the liver can be dangerous.

I honestly think the reason so many people end up disappointed at Christmas is because they build it up in their heads and the inevitable result is that it all falls a bit flat.

I was raised with very low-key Christmases and it's something DH and I have carried on ourselves and I genuinely just don't recognise half the drama and angst that everyone on here seems to go through every December. It hardly seems worth it

I've really never understood why people go and buy loads of types of meat, multiple desserts and make plans to eat things and do stuff they'd never dream of eating and doing on any other day of the year, lol.

Chilled out Christmases are the best, honestly.

I’m sorry OP. You went to so much effort, it must be hugely disappointing to get so little in return. You deserve much better xx

Chilled out is the way to go.

I second this 👍

One of the best Christmases I ever had was on a group walking tour of the Atlas Mountains in Morocco. It was an all women group - not intentionally, it was just that only women had booked onto it. About 12 of us, all ages and backgrounds from mid 20s to 70. Sleeping in local people’s houses every night. Cold water to wash in. Super healthy food. Beautiful scenery. Great exercise. Wonderful camaraderie - everyone was escaping from Christmas.

Just saying, OP … your kids are old enough to leave. I’m sure you’d feel too bad to actually do it - but it’s fun to think about …

@dontpokethemommabear dcs are 15,14,12,10. I don't think they're old enough to leave @ClementineChurchill .

That’s perfectly old enough to leave with their other parent.

Oh so leave her OH at home. I don't think many people would fancy that at Christmas.

OP I bet their mouths would fall open and FWIW your Christmas sounds utterly divine.

Please yourself next year - I bet your family haven’t even considered the possibility you won’t wait on them and will be utterly dumbstruck if you don’t.

Perhaps you should read what I wrote more carefully.