A reminder to myself for October 2025

[dontpokethemommabear]

Fucking Christmas.

Every year, I believe if I build it, they will come. And by come, I mean be happy, cheerful, helpful and generally quietly joyful and merry because their mum/stepmum/partner has once again magicked up a lovely Yuletide of thoughtful presents, delicious food, treats aplenty, sparkly lights and everything just really nice.

I don't expect much. I don't wake them up early (kids are 15,14,12,10), I don't make them go to church, breakfast is boy friendly bacon butties and pain au chocolate... I invited everyone for a dog walk on a sunny beach and didn't get cross when only my DP reluctantly came with me... we opened presents and I did ellicit a few smiles and a handful of nice pics but within 15 minutes it's all over. They disappear back to their nests like startled rats with the "fails" abandoned on the floor for the puppy to shred...

DP is hanging... his traditional boys Christmas Eve drinks gave way to some serious wine consumption last night and he's feeling it today. I've not even been cross about that! I just gave him a can of coke, 2 paracetamol and a wry smile. Then cracked on with making the Beef Wellington, fondant potatoes and all the trimmings...

I've spent an absolute fortune on food, drink, presents, tree and all the flipping trimmings and at the end of it all, no one actually gives two shits

So in closing, to myself in 9 months... don't bother with the spreadsheet of gifts, don't make a note on your phone every time anyone shows an interest in a potential present, don't spend hours planning the menu, shopping, prep and organisation.

Decorate the monstera, chuck a few pizzas in and just go to bed with the dog, a bottle of good champagne and a new book.

Fuck 'em.

You didn't mention having an OH or dcs. I presumed you were single.

Just look at how many threads there are about people being disappointed, arguing with their partners, feeling stressed or upset etc.

I feel so sorry for the kids at this time of year.

Christmas is meant to be about joy and love and instead they have to deal with the parents having too high expectations and then arguing and falling out over an inadequate Christmas card or putting the dinner on too early.

Just strip it right back.
Make it about the kids.

Cook a roast and have nibbles but it doesn’t need to be over the top.
Or just order a takeaway.

Have presents but you don’t need to get into debt over it and just buy for the kids.

Focus on the kids but spend most of the day watching Xmas films and eating chocolate.

They all want a chilled out one and you deserve a chilled out one too.

I think I was probably like that when I was a teenager. I'd suggest you ask what they want next year and buy those presents. Then make sure you have plenty of food in and do what you fancy for the day at home.

Clearly you can’t read so here you go:

“I’m sure you’d feel too bad to actually do it - but it’s fun to think about …”

Sounds like you went to a great effort, and your menu and plans all sound so lovely- for what it's worth, I'd have loved it. Sorry that those you live with don't appreciate it- I agree maybe it's time to make less effort next year!

This isn't aimed at you (just your comment made me think) but I find the comments about people being unappreciative quite interesting, especially as so many families end up disappointed or arguing on Christmas Day.

I just wonder if all the effort and the fuss and the stress is actually what people want?

Came back to say OP in October next year remind yourself to TELL your DH that catering for the family and his children shall be his responsibility, go out for a lovely brisk walk across the beach alone and if it is pizzas in the oven - make sure he’s the one to put them in. Do not lift a finger.

This year I bought 2 presents for each of the daughters. The younger one I did a stocking of beauty basics and socks.
I bought my mum a present, my dh a present and sent thoughtful presents to 2 friends who no one will buy for.
Scrapped the walk, scrapped the Nigella breakfast Muffins and bunged the turkey in early.
Left the presents under the tree and there they stayed until 12.30 when the eldest daughter and partner emerged.
Everyone had croissants and jam for breakfast and were just as happy.
Used the airfryer for roast carrots and Parsnips so less juggling in the oven/heat etc.
Dd2 helped a bit with the dinner/dh peeled veg.
Everyone declared themselves happy with gifts. Mum was probably slightly disappointed to get chocolates from 2 people but that was the only fall out from me not micro managing gifts
I got lovely presents. Having ordered a lovely watch from my Mum and pointed out a bracelet from dh.
Took Mum home at 6 so I got a clear run at Call the Midwife and Gavin and Stacey.
My slimmed down Xmas worked brilliantly and from now on I will remember it.

@dontpokethemommabear
I hope you have re-read this and are sticking to your revised plan.
No more being taken for granted and not appreciated.