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Original poster

To be disappointed in adult son...

58 replies

JudgeMenthol · 25/12/2024 16:45

He is single, no children. It was just me & him from him being 8. My parents helped a lot with childcare when he was young.
This year he's spending Christmas with his dad in a different part of the country - Absolutely no problem with this. I transferred some money into his bank account from my mum as she wouldn't be seeing him on Christmas Day, and it would seem this year there is no Christmas present or card from him to his grandma.
Other Christmas Days when he's come to see us there has always been a present for her.
He has not mentioned anything about visiting over Xmas and new year, so I'm just a bit disappointed and puzzled. I plan to text him when he gets home after New Year and say "I'm not sure what's happened to Grandma's Xmas present, but it hasn't arrived"

OP posts:
Original poster
JudgeMenthol · 26/12/2024 08:57

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 25/12/2024 23:46

If you get involved in any way at all you are not allowing him to be an adult and make his own choices.

he has chosen / decided not to send granny a card or a present.

so be it.

step back.

maybe he has forgotten, maybe not
maybe it is lost in the post, maybe not.

otherwise one day if / when he does have a partner/wife, the job / responsibility of cards and gifts will fall to her...

did you really need to phone / text him to check he had not changed his bank account details - do people change their bank accounts on a daily basis ?

of course Granny didn't send cash in the post ! has anyone done that for years ?!!!
surely granny still has a cheque book ?

or she could have bought and sent a gift voucher, and posted it via recorded delivery etc etc etc.

By you getting involved and ' checking his bank details ' you were telling / warning him in advance he was getting a present from Granny

and with this information given, it appears he still chose not to send her a card / gift...

With regards to the bank account, both he and I have both changed bank accounts to take advantage of the offers some banks have for switching. I don't routinely send him money, so wanted to check he hadn't done another switch - I don't think it was unreasonable to ask?
I didn't need to 'warn' him, this process has happened for the last couple of Christmas's, since he moved from a house to a flat - even he said this would be the safest action due to the way the maul was delivered to where he lives

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/12/2024 11:01

'Merry Xmas darling. Did you remember to get granny something? If not yet I think she'd like x y z. Wed love you to visit soon for a belated celebration would x y z work?'

That's what I'd send to my son (in 28 years time)

Blanketssese · 26/12/2024 11:07

Happy to receive cash from his 90 year old granny but couldn't send a card, gift or even ring her.🙄

Selfish twat.
As his mother I would be spelling it out to him.

AlpacaMittens · 26/12/2024 11:35

JudgeMenthol · 25/12/2024 20:19

Food for thought :)
Perhaps after this year we should just keep hold of our money and just buy our own stuff

Show quote history

Yikes.

AlpacaMittens · 26/12/2024 11:38

Blanketssese · 26/12/2024 11:07

Happy to receive cash from his 90 year old granny but couldn't send a card, gift or even ring her.🙄

Selfish twat.
As his mother I would be spelling it out to him.

It's not like you can decline a deposit into your account, how do you do it? Block incoming funds?

Would this whole drama be resolved then if he simply refunded his granny?

So much drama and bitterness out of nothing. The whole thing is ludicrous.

My own perspective and as I said before more than happy to be ignored, I know I'm in the minority.

PassingStranger · 31/12/2024 11:57

Snugglemonkey · 25/12/2024 22:24

Plenty of grown ups get and give gifts!

Show quote history

Why should they at xmas though, it's not their birthday?

Is there also any point, when alot of gifts are registered or sold on eBay.
Why put all that pressure on?

PassingStranger · 31/12/2024 11:57

Regifted that should say.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 31/12/2024 17:24

As this is the first year he hasn't been ' home ' maybe he decided to only give presents to those people he was seeing ?

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