To be a bit peed off?

[PutUpShutUp]

Nc for this one.

For context, Im a lone parent to a 4y and 5m old. I have no support or childcare options, which isn't really an issue usually.

A month ago, my grandad asked me to go out to our local pub for boxing day to play a domino handicap for a couple of hours. We begrudgingly asked my mum to watch DC for 3 hours max so I could go (I obviously will reimburse her for her time). She agreed and so me and my grandad put our names down and paid the necessary subs to play.

About an hour ago my mum has just informed me that she no longer knows if she can watch DC because her friend is now putting a food buffet on which she wants to go to. She will let me know in the morning, once she's arranged times with her friend, if she can have the DC and how long for but she now will only likely be able to have them for half an hour because of these other arrangements.

AIBU to be peed off with this?

Just I had arranged this with her first, a whole month a go and have checked in several times since to make sure that's okay. I will only be out from 11.45am until 3pm and will not be drinking but otherwise spending time with my grandad doing something we usually enjoy. I've not had a break from the DC in over 4 years, had to manage a csection recovery, a close bereavement, DC & work all on my own for years and now the opportunity for a few hours with my DGD is being took away because my mum now wants to go drink and eat food with a friend she sees every single day.

I know childcare isnt a given and i probably am being UR but it's just been eye opening how alone I am these past couple of months, even to family. Its a shit christmas too, me and the oldest DC didn't even get a card from family this year. So I guess just feel abit deflated.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all. The bottom line is she agreed to do it, you made plans and she's now cancelled for a better offer. The details don't make a difference in my opinion, she's acted shitty. She could have said no if she didn't want to.

Yeah you haven't taken childcare for granted at all, yanbu. How was her tone when she told you the new plan, was she at least apologetic and acknowledged it was letting you down?

What had granddad said?

@Toomanyemails no not apologetic or anything. She acted put out and annoyed, basically said well I will have to see what friends have arranged now. So says apparently she's going to will tell me tomorrow morning what timeframe she is available and its up to me if I think its worth even getting ready for.

So not only am I likely going to let my DGD down and lose money, I'm also expected to wait around wondering until she says so and either end up rushing around or even more pissed off.

Yeah she's out of order - doesn't sound like you ask for much.

Is it her dad? She is unreasonable if she already agreed to do this.

Yeah she's out of order.

The thing I've realised (or rather remember!) is that these people have always been selfish and it's only when they do something like this - and I think it's a form of control - does it truly show. And I think we don't ask due to a subconscious self preservation that we "forget".

And if you do say something it's always switched round to you being the bad guy.

If I was local and knew you I'd have you kids for a few hours so you could do Out if you rarely ever get downtime.

I'm so sorry your mum is being so selfish.

I agree help isn't a given. But to say you'll do something and then dangle it on a stick until the final hour is cruel - and controlling.

And if she does back down to the original plan she'll martyr herself to everyone over it.

My grandad is annoyed, he's called her an AH and gone home. He told her we gave her plenty notice, which she agreed and up until today continued to say yes, so we went ahead and arranged it. Now because she wants to do something else, we get told last minute. He even tried to compromise and said we would go out as late to cut off for game as possible and leave as soon as it was over but no.

Yes he is her dad.

That's bloody awful of her.

Being cross because she said she'd babysit and then decided she wouldn't is whole different from expecting her to want to babysit and being annoyed she doesn't want to. You are not being unreasonable.

I think she’s a horrible selfish cow. poor you. I hope things get better and you find someone better too have in your life,

Wow what a selfish shit she is. Sounds like you ask for nothing.

So she's just text now to say she will have the DC on 2 conditions. 1, I take all of DC stuff over to her house with them,. And 2, She will be taking them with her to her friends house where I will have to go and seek them when im finished.

Looks like im just going to have to tell her to F OFF. She's not taking my DC to some random house party with strangers drinking and doing God knows what. How does she expect to even look after a 5mo whilst doing that?! it also then means I'll get none of DC stuff back until she's back home and sober.

Obviously I'm annoyed, so is my DGD but DC's safety comes first.

I’m so sorry, OP.

She will be distracted at her friend's house. She won't watch them.

And never ever help her when she needs help.

Could the kids father help

That’s horrible but it sounds like she’s never going to be a reliable sort. I hope you find someone kind and trustworthy so you can have some time out in future.

1 is no longer alive and the other hasn't been seen since I was 8 weeks pregnant and is only allowed supervised contact when he does resurface.

So disappointing. Can he come to yours to spend time with you and the kids anyway?

@AnneLovesGilbert sorry, who do you mean?

My mom said she would watch dd while I was on a course at night one night a week for 8 weeks I checked with her before I booked it etc etc day before she cancelled saying my sister was unhappy and I might be out meeting men? So my dad stepped in and they complained I replaced her but she still wouldn't be reliable reality is she doesn't have a relationship with her grandchildren because of behaviour like this

And neither will your mum

I assume she meant your DGD, but it did take me a moment.

I am sorry your mum has let you down so badly. YANBU.

I think pp means can your grandad come over to yours anyway to see you and the kids so at least you get to spend some time together.

I'm really sorry that your mum has done this. You now know that you can sadly never rely on her again. Such selfish behaviour