Christmas with sulky teen?

fleeceypjs · 2024-12-25T15:16:33+00:00

Anyone else? Day started well, presents and breakfast but now they've grunted through dinner and disappeared to their room!

CouchSpud · 25/12/2024 15:28

Just let them be!

I have a 15yr old. He’s been really pleasant all day. Bit grumpy this morning due to the 7:30 wake up call from our youngest!… But we’ve given him lots of down time for him to skulk off to his room and not expected his presence all day.

He’s then chosen to come an sit/chat with us through out the day.

Cynic17 · 25/12/2024 15:32

Their room is where they want to be! Most of us were the same at that age - well away from embarrassing relatives. Just leave them to enjoy their time in peace - they'll come out when they're hungry.

ByHeartyCyanMentor · 25/12/2024 15:33

We’ve got my 18 year olds girlfriend with us - it’s a game changer.

GinaDreamsofRunningAway · 25/12/2024 15:37

Snap! 18 year old DD home from uni stayed up last night and was fine this morning. Happy enough, opened presents and was sociable. Then disappeared upstairs to nap. Came down for dinner where she was tired and not
talking much and yawned through most of it. Now back in her room. Not sure if we will see her again now today.

Comedycook · 25/12/2024 15:38

Yes mine too op!

AspiringChatBot · 25/12/2024 15:43

In their rooms, no problem - everybody needs a break and they're probably eager to enjoy their gifts, catch up with friends on how their days went, etc.

Does "grunting through dinner" mean they were grumpy and rude, or just not very sociable/talkative? Rude is unacceptable, but if they hadn't had a chance for any alone time grumpiness is probably to be expected. A logical flow of the day might be to do breakfast and gifts, let everyone go off and do their thing for a while, then regroup to do any remaining dinner-prep work and have a nice meal together.

bookworm8500 · 25/12/2024 15:45

It's not just you. Our 17 year old has been absolutely vile right from Christmas Eve and is continuing as we speak. Rude, moody, having a go at siblings, having a go at me. Currently in my bedroom having a little cry 😢

Littletreefrog · 25/12/2024 15:48

Christmas Day is for enjoying yourself. Their enjoying themselves just looks different to yours that's all. As long as they take part in some of it allow them time to do what they want as well. DS14 was with us until after lunch then had gone off to his room. Later this evening we will ask him to join in some board games which I'm sure he will but for the time being he can do whatever it is he is doing up there.

discocherry · 25/12/2024 15:48

I do find this mad. If I’d ever done this as a teenager I would have been told in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t ok - my parents put a lot of effort into Christmas and had I skulked off to my room or been quiet/grunted it wouldn’t have been ok. I don’t understand whether my parents just gave us very little grace or the attitude to teenagers nowadays is a bit mad.

ConstanceM · 25/12/2024 15:49

Teen (16) is happy playing Fortnite..He was happy with presents and interacted this morning and has reverted to type..He's not being surly, rude or confrontational which is a blessing. He even had a shower last night..must be Xmas..

Littletreefrog · 25/12/2024 15:50

discocherry · 25/12/2024 15:48

I do find this mad. If I’d ever done this as a teenager I would have been told in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t ok - my parents put a lot of effort into Christmas and had I skulked off to my room or been quiet/grunted it wouldn’t have been ok. I don’t understand whether my parents just gave us very little grace or the attitude to teenagers nowadays is a bit mad.

I think parenting in general now is a lot different to how it used to be. Things now tend to revolve more around the child wether they be babies, kids or teens. Whereas it used to be the baby,kid or teen just had to fit in with what the adults were doing with very little if any allowance made for the fact they are not adults and have different needs and wants

Dr13Hadley · 25/12/2024 15:53

As long as they're quiet and not being rude then I'd let them get on with it.

Comedycook · 25/12/2024 15:54

discocherry · 25/12/2024 15:48

I do find this mad. If I’d ever done this as a teenager I would have been told in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t ok - my parents put a lot of effort into Christmas and had I skulked off to my room or been quiet/grunted it wouldn’t have been ok. I don’t understand whether my parents just gave us very little grace or the attitude to teenagers nowadays is a bit mad.

Kids, teens and actually people in general now are so used to instant gratification and getting everything they want when they want it. They have no patience for doing anything they don't want to do.

Dingdongmerrilyonsigh · 25/12/2024 15:54

Did church and presents together this morning - all very civil !

now - 1 teen having a nap in room

Other 2 busy playing minecraft together

i’m snuggled on the sofa with the cat - chatting to DH as he cooks the Turkey

Absolute bliss!!!

it’s lovely being together but also lovely to all have a little space too and more likely to make dinner tonight go well than forced socialisation all day.

biscuitsandbooks · 25/12/2024 15:54

I can't really see the issue with this. I wouldn't want to have to spend all day switched "on" either.

DH and I spent the morning together - lie in, dog walk, TV and food, but now I'm downstairs and he's gone back to bed for a nap before we tackle dessert and leftovers later. I'm quite happy just relaxing in peace, to be honest. Christmas can be quite overstimulating and "busy" even if you're not doing much.

biscuitsandbooks · 25/12/2024 15:56

discocherry · 25/12/2024 15:48

I do find this mad. If I’d ever done this as a teenager I would have been told in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t ok - my parents put a lot of effort into Christmas and had I skulked off to my room or been quiet/grunted it wouldn’t have been ok. I don’t understand whether my parents just gave us very little grace or the attitude to teenagers nowadays is a bit mad.

I guess all families are different, but I personally can't see the benefit in forcing someone to socialise when they would clearly rather be anywhere else. He's had a family breakfast, done the presents and had dinner - why shouldn't he able to take himself for a break if he wants?

Liesmorelies · 25/12/2024 16:33

discocherry · 25/12/2024 15:48

I do find this mad. If I’d ever done this as a teenager I would have been told in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t ok - my parents put a lot of effort into Christmas and had I skulked off to my room or been quiet/grunted it wouldn’t have been ok. I don’t understand whether my parents just gave us very little grace or the attitude to teenagers nowadays is a bit mad.

I don't understand people not being allowed to be quiet. There's a difference between that and downright rudeness but forcing people to be a certain way all day long doesn't sound great. Lots of people need a bit of downtime in an otherwise full day and that's ok.

CluelessAsFuck · 25/12/2024 16:42

Leave them to it

edwinbear · 25/12/2024 16:46

15 & 13yr old were both happy and sociable in church, for presents and lunch. Both been in their rooms for most of the afternoon, apart from DS who went for a run. They’ll appear again for dinner at 6.30pm and will be pleasant. Then I imagine will be back in there rooms for most of the evening. All absolutely fine with me.

Jifmicroliquid · 25/12/2024 17:09

discocherry · 25/12/2024 15:48

I do find this mad. If I’d ever done this as a teenager I would have been told in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t ok - my parents put a lot of effort into Christmas and had I skulked off to my room or been quiet/grunted it wouldn’t have been ok. I don’t understand whether my parents just gave us very little grace or the attitude to teenagers nowadays is a bit mad.

Same. It was a day that I was expected to participate in family stuff.

InSpainTheRain · 25/12/2024 17:51

Let them be. Don't worry they will come theough and be lovely in a couple of years. It just takes time!

JM88Jen · 25/12/2024 19:28

My 15 year old has been decent today. Went up to room after dinner 2pm yeh and popped down for dessert time a while later. His siblings were up at 4am so very early start and it's just been us as at home so whatever goes. Boxing day is always better, they have a decent sleep and will want to play games/be around us more 🤣

Nextyearhopes · 25/12/2024 19:30

discocherry · 25/12/2024 15:48

I do find this mad. If I’d ever done this as a teenager I would have been told in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t ok - my parents put a lot of effort into Christmas and had I skulked off to my room or been quiet/grunted it wouldn’t have been ok. I don’t understand whether my parents just gave us very little grace or the attitude to teenagers nowadays is a bit mad.

Totally agree with you. They get away with murder nowadays and are totally pandered to.

Nespressso · 25/12/2024 19:40

Littletreefrog · 25/12/2024 15:50

I think parenting in general now is a lot different to how it used to be. Things now tend to revolve more around the child wether they be babies, kids or teens. Whereas it used to be the baby,kid or teen just had to fit in with what the adults were doing with very little if any allowance made for the fact they are not adults and have different needs and wants

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I agree, I’m not sure if it’s right or wrong but as a teenager I was expected to be downstairs present and polite, it would not have been tolerated to skulk up to my room. We didn’t have any technology tho, there was only 1 landline downstairs in the office, I didn’t have a tv in my room, no computer etc. so I guess less incentive for me to be up there.

Littletreefrog · 25/12/2024 19:41

Nespressso · 25/12/2024 19:40

I agree, I’m not sure if it’s right or wrong but as a teenager I was expected to be downstairs present and polite, it would not have been tolerated to skulk up to my room. We didn’t have any technology tho, there was only 1 landline downstairs in the office, I didn’t have a tv in my room, no computer etc. so I guess less incentive for me to be up there.

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I think probably some combination of expecting them to participate and be polite etc and acknowledging they may want a little time alone is the way to go. At least that's what we try to do but at this point who knows.