Driving lessons for 17yo

[Usedphone]

Merry Christmas fellow mumsnetters! So our 17yo has decided he wants to learn to drive. I'm not opposed to it BUT his stepdad would be his instructor (he does this for a living) but they want us to split the cost, because he can't do it completely for free because of some insurance reason, but they're "profiting" from it as it's not 100% at cost. To me that's a bit of a red flag. I also do MFL tutoring to get some extra £££ and I would never even remotely dream of charging for tutoring my DSD.

Now, my DH thinks that that side will argue that we should just chip in, but I don't think we can necessarily afford it.

For full context, yes we are better off than them out of salaries, but also out of the goodwill of my family which means we've ended up with a very small mortgage.

We're also responsible for 4 DC as opposed to just 2.

We're already spending a decent amount on a holiday abroad for all of us, plus some of the university related expenses for the 17yo. The 17yo up to today still hasn't been able to get a job.

So AIBU for refusing to pay for those lessons?

Would you put towards lessons if he was having them from someone else? If so I would put towards these, better to be taught by someone you know and trust- we’re on our third instructor for DS and they all cancel lessons at the last minute and have very limited availability.

Tutoring doesn't have insurance and whatever other licencing requirements a driving instructor needs to meet so not exactly comparable. I can't say I know enough to understand if theres some reason he can't jusr act as a normal parental figure teaching him to drive, unless he's using a car that belongs to the business or this counts towards something for17 yeat olds licence that needs an instructor, in which case you'd be being unreasonable. It's aslo a lot of his time at a discount and there will definetly be petrol coat and lost time. Teaching someone to drive is a big commitment, if neithdr of his parents can/will do it it's a big ask on a step parent and covering costs and making sure he's not our of pocket would be the least you should do.

Yes I'm OK with not being out of pocket, but not ",profiting" the standard amount which is around £20ph after all related expenses.

What red flag do you think it is?

As a skint parent of 17yo currently paying £40 per hour for driving lessons (DD now pays own riding lessons from part time job) I'd take their hand off!

Look at it this way - driving licence is now essential for future employment, you would be paying double elsewhere. If it make you feel better you could get teen to repay at least part of outlay when they find a job.

£20 an hour is an absolute bargain- I pay more than twice that for DS.
Yes there is an argument he could teach him for free but you’d need to pay insurance that would be more than that.

Average cost is apparently around £27 an hour. If he's saying £20 an hour that won't all be profit, there's petrol and wear and tare and insurance which are all prorated. Also if 17 year old is doing lessons at the times most school kids want them SD is also incurring an opportunity cost in that he could be doing paid work and has limited hours in which he can do that. Is there an amount you'd be happy to pay? If there is you could try to negotiate rather than flat out no.

So he's getting lessons at half price? £40p/h is the standard rate. Plus stepdad isn't actually his parent and is in fact doing your DS a favour.

Would you have contributed to your 17 year old's lessons if he didn't have a driving instructor for a step parent?

Under that logic he's not my son either :/

But we're still paying £40!!

No, no his stepdad is still charging us £40 as opposed to £15 which afaik are the actual related expenses

You’ll need to explain that one. You said £20. Did you mean you chip in 20 and they chip in 20?
Obviously if you feel he’s not getting a discount and you could find them cheaper elsewhere you’re free to do so.

£40 is the standard around here (SE) so he is profiting.

No, I meant he's still profiling at least £20ph.

Obviously when it's their "half" god only knows what maths they're doing, but we're paying full price.

Tbh I still don’t really get it, but if you think he’s just charging you the standard rate and you’re still physically handing over £40ph, I’d just look elsewhere. My nephew is learning right now and it’s about £42ph

As PP have said, he could be earning the full price from another customer. He probably can't afford to lose the income.
You state your tutoring is for extra income. It's a bit of a different ball game if it's his main income.
It would be nice to have the lessons provided at a lower rate, but maybe they can't afford to?

So their logic is that my DSS is overall getting a "good deal" because they're paying less for their "half" but we're paying full price at £40ph

Do you mean you have agreed to go halves and are handing over £20. Which is no cheaper than it would be if you had agreed to go halves and were using someone else as a driving instructor. You are right they are profiting from you.

I’m sorry I’m genuinely not trying to be difficult, I just don’t understand. What is their half?
So he’s charging £40 and asking you to contribute. Is the amount you pay £40 or are they contributing part of the £40 and you contributing part? If you’re contributing £40 what is their contribution? Other than perhaps knocking max£5 off the cost of the lesson?

If you're paying £20 I think I'd go for it.

Why not use the step dad as he's familiar and if you were paying full price it would be £40.

I hate all this bickering to get one over the step fmsilies when there's a kid at the heart of it.

I paid 20 an hour when I was learning to drive 15 years ago!!! I daresay the going rate has gone up substantially since then - bite his hand off!

So say he's getting 40 hours we'll pay for 20 at £40

If the child wants to do the lessons with the step dad then I would pay the required amount and that would be the end of it.

It will be much easier for him to learn with step dad and he won’t suffer the never ending last min cancellations and schedule changes from other instructors. He’ll also probably get more practice time with step dad. A good deal imo.

So £20 a lesson.

Tell me about it! €55 per lesson for me this year, and constant cancellations and no shows etc… OP’s really not thinking of the child here.