Driving lessons for 17yo

[Usedphone]

Merry Christmas fellow mumsnetters! So our 17yo has decided he wants to learn to drive. I'm not opposed to it BUT his stepdad would be his instructor (he does this for a living) but they want us to split the cost, because he can't do it completely for free because of some insurance reason, but they're "profiting" from it as it's not 100% at cost. To me that's a bit of a red flag. I also do MFL tutoring to get some extra £££ and I would never even remotely dream of charging for tutoring my DSD.

Now, my DH thinks that that side will argue that we should just chip in, but I don't think we can necessarily afford it.

For full context, yes we are better off than them out of salaries, but also out of the goodwill of my family which means we've ended up with a very small mortgage.

We're also responsible for 4 DC as opposed to just 2.

We're already spending a decent amount on a holiday abroad for all of us, plus some of the university related expenses for the 17yo. The 17yo up to today still hasn't been able to get a job.

So AIBU for refusing to pay for those lessons?

The point is they have agreed to go halves.

Ok we got there in the end. So I guess my question still stands. Would you be paying if he went elsewhere? He’s providing the lesson at the regular price but they’re covering half of it. They might not be in a position to physically pay the £80 a month if he went with another driver but can do the lesson for £20 if you cover it. I’d still go for it because if you say no we’ll go elsewhere, you might end up paying more than double that.
Of course it’s up to you, but I’d personally do it because the price of kids learning to drive these days is astronomical and this benefits your son.

Just say you'll pay the 40 at £20 each instead, same result, you're contributing half the cost, so yes you're not better off from this but at least he'd be with a familiar person.

As an ADI myself I confident there's no insurance element to this (other than that the instructor will in some way be paying insurance - either privately, a fleet insurance on top of a car lease, inclusive in the lease cost, whatever). It is perfectly possible to not charge for lessons and still be insured (which is what - at least I hope - I would do if I were the SD in this situation - if you are teaching someone you regard as family it is free or at worst 'at cost')

Depending on how the ADI structures their business I would expect underlying costs to work out at something like £15-20 per hour, but all depends on how many hours they teach, whether they are part of a franchise, how they purchase/lease cars etc.

DD’s were £70 a lesson last year (2 hour slot) going rate around here. What will he do for insurance when passes? Even named on a parent car it’s very expensive has gone up massively in last few years (DD cost me £2000 more on my insurance for an older fiat 500) without her on I pay £200.

Not reflected in my bank account though!

That's the other side to it, our premiun would increase by £500!! So we can't really afford the £1200 of total cost (or thereabouts)

In which case you can't afford lessons full stop.

I genuinely don't see your issue unless it's one you'd find with literally any other instructor

£500 sounds like a bargain! It’s not too bad adding them as a learner but do check once passed as all dc’s friends have been very expensive. Our friends with kids in early 20s were shocked how much it’s gone up in a few years.

Are you wanting free lessons?

My issue is that the "savings" should be spread about both households. But ultimately we can't really afford the total cost of lessons + insurance.

Ah got there! This isn't stepfamilys issue, its yours. You can't afford it - there's zero shame in it as frankly it's a fucking racket. But you need to talk to your kid

But they think we can because of the higher household income, but we also have more children! Plus we try to give them a decent quality of life to all of them.

You chose to have more children.

And it's not like it's a choice between eating or lessons, it's a choice between a foreign holiday and lessons.

Your 17yo is more than old enough to know how money works, tell him to get a job and finance it himself- he's already getting a high standard of living from yo lu

We chose to have an extra one!

For context it's 1 joint, 2 his, one mine.

But you nail it! I think it's up to my DSS if he really wants those lessons and for him to get a job.

I think you should pay for them, either by finding a way from the budget elsewhere or postponing a little. I get why you are pissed off but still he is better off with his step dad than someone else liable to cancel. Hopefully a trust will develop and his stepdad will help him practice (outside of scheduled lessons) and help him learn faster.

It's a vital life skill, try and see it as an educational cost and it's only for a short time. Talk to DSS about it, he needs to understand the cost involved and how it can be a tricky one especially in a blended family.

Your son can get his own learner driver insurance which is incredibly reasonable. You get it on a month by month basis. They can drive any car on the insurance. I used this for my granddaughter when I was taking her out for 'practice', separate to her professional lessons. I cannot see why your husband would not give lessons to his stepchild in his own time, not using driving school car but family car. It seems ludicrous to charge for the lessons, it's family fgs.

Will you pay for your joint child/your own child to have driving lessons when the time comes?

I think if so you should pay this. This is a saving as if you will end up paying 40soemthing for your own children 20 for a step child is good value.

We are most likely on a far lower income than you and we will do driving lessons for our kids as a priority. Most likely we won't afford insurance after but they'll go out into adult work with lessons.

If all your children will have to get a job to afford it then fair enough but it doesn't read like that is the case..

So you are being asked to contribute half the going rate for lessons for your DH’s son, and his mum and step dad are contributing step dad’s time and opportunity cost (that he’ll have to say no to another learner). It sounds fair to me. If you can’t afford it then DSS will have to get a job and contribute himself. What will you do for your child and your joint child that don’t have a driving instructor in the family? If DSS is expecting to drive once he passes he’ll need a job anyway - my 18 year old’s insurance is £100 a month on the cheapest group 1 car.

No, he's not working in his "working hours" so effectively won't be missing any income. And being half has nothing to do with him being an instructor. We're still paying full price, just splitting the cost into two as we're two households. It could be with anyone and we'd still pay exactly the same.

No, I would not pay for my own daughter (which would be next one) with cost of it, she'd have to get a job to at least contribute to the cost (even though agai. I'd have to pay half as the other half would be paid by her dad).

Our joint son is 5 now, so God only knows what the finances will be by then.

If you’re paying £40/hr (I’m a bit confused about what you’re paying yourself), but if you’re paying £40/hr, could you go elsewhere and save family grief?

We could, but apparently my stepson prefers to do it with his stepdad, plus then it "stays in the family". Knowing my stepson, I know he'll need a buckload of lessons (we calculate around 50 hours), so our half of that now doing the maths properly is £1000 + the insurance (our current car is at least £500 on top, but we were in theory going to change it).

With the holiday to LA in the new year + the university tours + the two concerts we're taking them in the summer (we live far away from everything so it becomes a mini break) there's no way we can afford the driving on top.

It sounds like you have three teens that will be learning to drive in the next few years - two of your DH’s children and your daughter. It’s fair that the cost is split between their parents and if there is a shortfall in what you can afford that the teen gets a job to fund the difference. Work out what you can actually afford to give each child towards the cost of lessons over the next few years and give them each the same amount. How they figure it out with their other parent is up to them. Learner insurance is relatively cheap - it only becomes very expensive once they pass. You can probably help once he’s got some lessons under his belt by taking him out to practice and that will reduce the time/number of lessons it takes to get to test standard.

Yes exactly, it's a lot of £££ in the next few years and my DH on his own, would not be able to afford the lessons at all whatsoever.

Ironically their DM doesn't drive.