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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bossy Patient on Ward of 6

44 replies

RosieLeo · 25/12/2024 07:59

Hello All, I just fancied a tiny moan.
I've been in hospital for 11 days, and a couple of days ago, another lady arrived on the ward.
I went to introduce myself to her and her daughter, and they seemed quite nice. This daughter is going away for Christmas, and her other sons are abroad.
Her daughter asked me if I could sit with her daily, and I thought well yes occsionally, but I like my alone quiet time too.
Anyhow, the next day I was going down to the shop, and she shouted across the ward 'get me a paper will you.' No please or thankyou, a direct instruction. I obliged anyway.
Then her phone charger stopped working. I tried to help her but she wouldn't listen. She just asked another patients husband to sort it out for her. Again no please, or kindness. Just expectation.
She moans about pretty much everything, mainly about having a terrible night's sleep and the 'awful' hospital beds (they are state of the art and really comfy), the food, lack of staffing.
And now she is insisting that I sit by her bed and chat to her constantly because she is 'bored'.
Well I'm sorry, I am nobody's entertainment on demand.
I put the TV on low with subtitles. 2 minutes later, she asked if anyone was watching it.....I said yes, I am to which she huffed and said 'oh'
I find her rude and impatient, and I just tell her I've got backache now when she tries to get my attention for me to do what she wants / walk over to her.
AIBU?

OP posts:
CarolSwimmer · 25/12/2024 08:03

You r not being unreasonable. I'm sorry you are in hospital at Christmas time. Look after yourself. Be polite and civil, but focus on yourself and your recovery. You don't need to engage with this lady or be bossed around by her.

Happy Christmas and get well soon 💛🎄

Regularmumandfriend · 25/12/2024 08:07

Sympathies to you. I hope that you can come home soon.
Pull your curtain and get a big over the ear pair of headphones that you wear constantly. Put white noise on or even the radio.
Try to get some sleep and forget about her ladyship. She is probably this demanding in real life so you can leave her at the door but her poor family will have to continue dealing with her.
Hope you don't have to be in this situation for too long.
Ps when you do get home take it in easy and catch up on your sleep. You will need 2 days recovery for every day in hospital minimum.

Kosenrufugirl · 25/12/2024 08:07

I suggest you have a quiet word with the nurse in charge and asked to be moved to a separate bay. They will try to accommodate you as hospitals are a harsh place to stay even for a few days and you have already been for 11 days. You won't need to explain much. The nurses have already sized up this lady

boatyardblues · 25/12/2024 08:07

I guess we all know why her daughter has gone away for Christmas. (I have a sneaking suspicion the daughter actually stayed home but has swerved being her mother’s hospital lackey for a few days with her cover story. 😉) As this woman seems blunt and lacking in manners, match her approach and say “no, I don’t to” to any outrageous demands.

Original poster
RosieLeo · 25/12/2024 14:05

CarolSwimmer · 25/12/2024 08:03

You r not being unreasonable. I'm sorry you are in hospital at Christmas time. Look after yourself. Be polite and civil, but focus on yourself and your recovery. You don't need to engage with this lady or be bossed around by her.

Happy Christmas and get well soon 💛🎄

Thank you, I'm quite a giving person by nature but as I get older I realise that I have to look after myself, then I'm in a position to care for people who deserve my love and care.
She has just tried to latch onto another patient, but she said that she can't talk for long. Good response!

OP posts:
Original poster
RosieLeo · 25/12/2024 14:07

Regularmumandfriend · 25/12/2024 08:07

Sympathies to you. I hope that you can come home soon.
Pull your curtain and get a big over the ear pair of headphones that you wear constantly. Put white noise on or even the radio.
Try to get some sleep and forget about her ladyship. She is probably this demanding in real life so you can leave her at the door but her poor family will have to continue dealing with her.
Hope you don't have to be in this situation for too long.
Ps when you do get home take it in easy and catch up on your sleep. You will need 2 days recovery for every day in hospital minimum.

Good advice re the recovery. Thank you.
She has now tried to latch onto someone else but quite unsuccessfully.

OP posts:
Original poster
RosieLeo · 25/12/2024 14:09

boatyardblues · 25/12/2024 08:07

I guess we all know why her daughter has gone away for Christmas. (I have a sneaking suspicion the daughter actually stayed home but has swerved being her mother’s hospital lackey for a few days with her cover story. 😉) As this woman seems blunt and lacking in manners, match her approach and say “no, I don’t to” to any outrageous demands.

That's a very good point. I've managed to avoid her today. Thankfully.

OP posts:
Original poster
RosieLeo · 25/12/2024 14:14

Kosenrufugirl · 25/12/2024 08:07

I suggest you have a quiet word with the nurse in charge and asked to be moved to a separate bay. They will try to accommodate you as hospitals are a harsh place to stay even for a few days and you have already been for 11 days. You won't need to explain much. The nurses have already sized up this lady

Yes I believe the nurses have sussed her out and the rest of the ward too.
A nurse has asked another patient if bossy lady can sit next to another patients bed and chat. The poor patient replied 'I don't really want to. If I must. I can't speak for long though'.

OP posts:
johnyhadasister · 25/12/2024 14:51

What kind of ward it is ? They sound full of healthy people. Sick and able to be rude, wow

Biffbaff · 25/12/2024 14:55

Bloody hell, I would hate this. Sending you strong resolve 💪🏻

henlake7 · 25/12/2024 15:09

There's always one....

just to say I left my ward this morning with a patient who has been screaming at the top of his lungs all night and has destroyed a printer, thrown a few chairs and 'killed' the christmas tree! Nobody slept and more then one person was threatening to throw fists, and he still hadnt run out of steam!

yah know.....just to say it could always be worse!😂

Fraaances · 25/12/2024 15:14

Oh much empathy… I was recently in the cardiac ward. Because I was significantly younger than the rest of the patients, the woman opposite assumed I was healthier. I ended calling her “Nosy Nora”… She kept asking me what was wrong with me, she wanted help with everything, wanted me to chat with her constantly and was on her goddamn phone from 6:30am until 12:30pm (I was going to jam it up her nose if I had been there another day longer) and because I was really very sick and needed to rest, she took great umbrage at my choice to keep my curtains shut, so she kept opening them!!! (Even after I passed out on the floor on the way back from the loo!) The nurses had to tell her to mind her business and leave me alone! (They also invented phone rules for the ward as well!)

EVHead · 25/12/2024 15:28

Hospital is hell. If I ever have to go in, I will have my curtains closed and my AirPods in as much as possible.

When my mum has been in she can tell me the other patients’ entire life stories and I do not give a damn!

HollyFern1110 · 25/12/2024 15:30

If you’re a patient in hospital over Christmas then you are truly not well. I spent years working as a HCA in a hospital & the doctors would do their very best to discharge as many people as possible before Christmas!

IMO the staff, who I totally appreciate are overworked as I was one, should be telling her to stop making demands of other unwell patients. It’s not for you to need to worry about keeping her happy.

LadyKenya · 25/12/2024 15:41

I know this is not the purpose of the thread, but I thought that patients were being encouraged not to close their curtains, because no one would be able to see if someone, who is alone, could be having a medical emergency. Having open curtains will at least ensure that someone would notice quickly.

Oblomov24 · 25/12/2024 16:22

Please speak to the head nurse. And don't say anything more to her, or talk to her, or help her in any way, anymore.

imfae · 25/12/2024 16:29

Sorry Op , I hope that you get better soon and can get home quickly .
I think you just have to remember that what you want and your recovery are very important so need to put yourself first . You don't owe this woman anything and it seems like she is annoying everyone .

It looks like you are managing well to put your own boundaries in place .
Take care FlowersFlowersFlowers

Redgreenred10 · 25/12/2024 19:36

The nurse actually asked another patient to sit and talk with her!!!! Sorry but that’s not on at all. If she can’t entertain herself then too bad.

i had a kidney operation six years ago and this women opposite me kept asking me to do stuff for her as I was the youngest there (seemed to miss the fact I was hooked up to drip, morphine machine and had a catheter after just having had major surgery)

she was so horrid to me and took everyone that came in the bay how rude I was (including my mum). The last straw was when I woke up to her going though my locker trying to find a magazine apparently. I demanded to be moved and I was to my own room. Good thing to as I think my mum was ready to throw something at her.

Original poster
RosieLeo · 25/12/2024 20:56

RosieLeo · 25/12/2024 07:59

Hello All, I just fancied a tiny moan.
I've been in hospital for 11 days, and a couple of days ago, another lady arrived on the ward.
I went to introduce myself to her and her daughter, and they seemed quite nice. This daughter is going away for Christmas, and her other sons are abroad.
Her daughter asked me if I could sit with her daily, and I thought well yes occsionally, but I like my alone quiet time too.
Anyhow, the next day I was going down to the shop, and she shouted across the ward 'get me a paper will you.' No please or thankyou, a direct instruction. I obliged anyway.
Then her phone charger stopped working. I tried to help her but she wouldn't listen. She just asked another patients husband to sort it out for her. Again no please, or kindness. Just expectation.
She moans about pretty much everything, mainly about having a terrible night's sleep and the 'awful' hospital beds (they are state of the art and really comfy), the food, lack of staffing.
And now she is insisting that I sit by her bed and chat to her constantly because she is 'bored'.
Well I'm sorry, I am nobody's entertainment on demand.
I put the TV on low with subtitles. 2 minutes later, she asked if anyone was watching it.....I said yes, I am to which she huffed and said 'oh'
I find her rude and impatient, and I just tell her I've got backache now when she tries to get my attention for me to do what she wants / walk over to her.
AIBU?

Well it's all come to a bit of a head today....me and 2 others are watching Call The Midwife. Volume not too loud. Two others asleep peacefully. Bossy lady
is on the speakerphone to her friend so everyone in the bay can hear the conversation. She is telling her friend that no one in the bay is watching the TV (she knows we are) and its getting on her nerves.
I said to her politely 'if its offending that much then I'll turn the volume down so you will be more comfortable'.
Next thing she is calling me a 'snob' on the phone to her friend (which conversation is far louder than the TV).
I'm not even going to give her the time of day now. I'm done with her.

OP posts:
florizel13 · 25/12/2024 21:59

The nurse should be telling her to keep the noise down and not talk so loudly on speakerphone! I used to be a ward nurse and I wouldn't have put up with this selfish behaviour

Yalta · 25/12/2024 22:06

Turn the volume up so you can hear over her noise

Pussycat22 · 25/12/2024 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hskatkat · 25/12/2024 22:15

@Pussycat22 wow?! Nice attitude

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 25/12/2024 22:16

If I were you, OP, I’d be glued to my book or Kindle and tell her you’re otherwise occupied.

When I was in hospital last year, an old lady who evidently had dementia, called across to me in a very loud, imperious voice, ‘I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave! Because I didn’t invite you and I wasn’t expecting you!’ 😂
At least it livened up my day…

EmpressaurusKitty · 25/12/2024 22:27

If there’s one thing the world would be a better place without, it’s speakerphones used in public.