To think DH has just been a total a@/£e

[Candycanelane123]

DH and I always exchange presents/open ours from parents on Christmas Eve night so the day can be all about the children.

I have a small gift bag with my things in, put away into a neat, small pile and off to the side. Not taking up any room and the other side of the room to the sofa with all the children’s presents on.

I haven’t been well for days, genuinely starting to think I have pneumonia as I’m constantly breathless and having palpitations, even when just sitting. Digressing but I had a PE last year so I’m always worried about my lungs now. Very tired and out of breath and having coughing fits over the slightest things.

Anyway, we’re getting ready to come up to bed and DH demands I move my small bag of presents upstairs already. I feel rotten so would rather just leave it where it is so I can get to bed and go through it tomorrow. He then starts developing an angry tone, telling me he’s not having opened gifts out and I need to move them.
This is the man who had a pile of his various things such as dirty washing, ironed clothes, paperwork, work documents/laptop bag etc to the height of halfway up the wall for about a week and constantly leaves trails of clothes scattered around floors / the banister / across the office chair as well as many other items like dirty cups/wrappers.

I told him he wasn’t going to dictate to me where I put my own things when I’m unwell and went to go upstairs. He decided to shout up the stairs to call me a ‘retard’ and when I asked him not to speak like that, shouted at me to ‘f off’. We’d had a completely normal and stress free night prior to this, not that I’m trying to find an excuse as I hate it when anyone uses that word.

I don’t want to ruin Christmas for the children but honestly, AIBU not to want to speak to him unless he bloody apologises?

He’s an arse.

He could have moved the stuff himself if it bothers him so much. Ignore him and go to bed. Hope you feel better soon

Has he tried to throw his weight around and called you names before?

My guess is, he probably has 😞

What a dick.

Sorry, what?????? How utterly vile. What a douche. I’m shocked, actually. Intensely aggressive at you! If my husband spoke to me like that I’d assume he hated me.

@Neveranynamesleft Thank you, me too, sick of the sound of myself!

@Fannyfiggs You would be correct. He started earlier today because my DM wanted to come over whilst our cleaner was still here ( only with 15 minutes left of her clean time). This was a massive issue, despite the fact we could just sit in a different room and he started having a go at me for allowing her to dictate to me what time she was coming and it was poor organisation on my behalf for not telling her explicitly that the cleaner would be here and at what times

That's outrageous behaviour.

Happy Christmas. I hope you feel better soon. 🎅🏼

First response nailed it.

Also I think you need to see a Dr sooner rather than later. Can you call 111 and get some advice? I don’t think any out of hours doctor would begrudge getting you antibiotics to clear your chest when you’re so fresh out of PE.

I mean clearly the man's a major bellend, but if you were going up to bed you could have taken the bag with you?

He is a dick. I do think it’s not healthy though to make Xmas all about your kids presents wise. Why shouldn’t they see everyone getting something

Errrrr what? He's done this before hasn't he.

With any luck you can go see a GP and leave him to cook the turkey.

I'd normally say there are three sides to every story but wow. That's awful. Hope you feel better

(-:|3

Here's his gift asshat for calling you slurs.

Totally missing the point of she’s unwell can’t breath right mmmm

Thanks for well wishes - I hope you all have a happy Christmas, however you’re spending it.

Definitely debating seeking some more medical attention. I thought it would just be this bad cold lots of people have had but it’s getting worse and I can’t get a deep breath. I’m just a bit wary of 111 as when I had the PE they told me I just needed to go to a pharmacy.

@SuzyCoo I wish I’d been able to embellish it slightly but it was just like that, very quick and out of nowhere. Thank you.

@outerspacepotato You’ve just caused coughs making me laugh but worth it, thank you

I'm so sorry you have to put up with that behaviour from a grown man.

Concentrate on you and your health. Get yourself better and then have a good, long, hard think about whether you want to continue to live with an abusive man. His behaviour is not normal and life is too short to be someone's verbal punch bag.

He has no respect for you,

I know it's not the point but I'm confused by your system. When do you open your presents from your kids, Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?

He called you a really offensive word, told you to fuck off and shouted at you because you are ill and wouldn’t do his bidding about a nonsense issue? Having shouted at you for an entirely ridiculous thing earlier also?

OP I couldn’t just shrug this one off even with a heartfelt apology. How do people live like this with someone? It actually makes me sad that women accept this. And it makes me anxious.

He's totally out of order!

I hope you feel better soon and can breath better. Sorry about the coughing. Do you have an inhaler?

Your choice right now is 111 or A&E

if you’ve got symptoms of PE you need to call 999.

If you haven’t personally I’d try 111 and explain you had a PE not long ago. You really sound like you need to be seen.

What a fecking git he is, treating you like that and when you're ill😡

Look OP, it’s really really easy for anyone reading what you’ve written to conclude that your DH is a massive cockwomble. None of us know how it feels to be you in this situation day-in, day-out.

But if it’s like this all the time and makes you feel rubbish then you don’t have to stay with him. Perhaps you do in the short term, but not forever. Not every Christmas like this between now and the rest of your life. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.