To think DH has just been a total a@/£e

[Candycanelane123]

DH and I always exchange presents/open ours from parents on Christmas Eve night so the day can be all about the children.

I have a small gift bag with my things in, put away into a neat, small pile and off to the side. Not taking up any room and the other side of the room to the sofa with all the children’s presents on.

I haven’t been well for days, genuinely starting to think I have pneumonia as I’m constantly breathless and having palpitations, even when just sitting. Digressing but I had a PE last year so I’m always worried about my lungs now. Very tired and out of breath and having coughing fits over the slightest things.

Anyway, we’re getting ready to come up to bed and DH demands I move my small bag of presents upstairs already. I feel rotten so would rather just leave it where it is so I can get to bed and go through it tomorrow. He then starts developing an angry tone, telling me he’s not having opened gifts out and I need to move them.
This is the man who had a pile of his various things such as dirty washing, ironed clothes, paperwork, work documents/laptop bag etc to the height of halfway up the wall for about a week and constantly leaves trails of clothes scattered around floors / the banister / across the office chair as well as many other items like dirty cups/wrappers.

I told him he wasn’t going to dictate to me where I put my own things when I’m unwell and went to go upstairs. He decided to shout up the stairs to call me a ‘retard’ and when I asked him not to speak like that, shouted at me to ‘f off’. We’d had a completely normal and stress free night prior to this, not that I’m trying to find an excuse as I hate it when anyone uses that word.

I don’t want to ruin Christmas for the children but honestly, AIBU not to want to speak to him unless he bloody apologises?

Was his later behaviour 'telling you off' for not agreeing with him earlier in the day?
By this I mean was he already looking to get at you and shout to put you in your place?

He sounds very controlling.

@OrwellianTimes Thank you. I don’t think I’m having another PE as I don’t have the horrific shoulder pain I had then but concerned about pneumonia. His brother gets married in a few days so need to be somewhat better.

@CheatsAtScrabble Thank you. He can be difficult to live with for a multitude of reasons but usually that’s made out to be my fault. It’s become like having a teenager who makes content mess and doesn’t want to think for or organise himself.
He’s came up to bed and just started trying to talk to me normally as if nothing happened. I asked if he was going to apologise and immediately he was on the defensive saying he wasn’t happy with me as me saying he was so rigid over these non issue things was offensive to him and it came across like putting those comments to me in the same bracket. He then backtracked that he wasn’t asking me to move them (definitely did) and that he would’ve just done it.

@Enough4me
I’ve started to wonder this for some time, like my example above of just now. If he’s done something wrong he can never just be accountable, it’s always something I did that ‘caused’ it.

aww @Candycanelane123 im so sorry to read all that.
your husband is a colossal twat and I hope you get an apology and feel better.
If mr lwren called me that word I’d threaten to feed his bollocks to the sparrows.

Constant mess not content*
Need sleep but coughing preventing!

Or he could have seen that his wife was feeling unwell and exhausted and taken the bag up for her? Instead of shouting and swearing at her?

Your medical history ought to look very different to 111 now you've actually had a PE. Something that serious should be red flagged in your records. Get in touch with them as soon as you can.

As for your other problem, no-one should talk to you like that, let alone someone who promised to love and care for you. What you do about him is up to you, but you deserve better.

What a pig 😠 I wouldn't share a bed with someone who spoke to me like that and used abelist slurs like the R word. Is he often this unpleasant? I think it's horrible, especially when you're not feeling well 😕

Is this the first time he's been horrible to you while you've been unwell or is this part of a pattern?