Not invited for Christmas:-(

[Geninitwin1979]

Hi all,

I am not sure how to navigate this situation so any advice is appreciated.
So I’m a single parent to three children two older (now adults) and one younger whose birthday is today (Christmas Eve). My youngest has had two brain tumours at age 5 and 8 and has come through them both but ls disabled mobility wise .. recently we have found out she is losing her sight rapidly and will go blind soon. Obviously that has been a shock and we are trying to come to terms with this news as a family. After telling my father and stepmother a few months back of this news we have not had much contact and support which was a bit disappointing. My dad has recently moved back from abroad and a couple of weeks ago my sister messaged me and told me she and her partner and children had been invited for Christmas dinner. I was hurt as we have always spent Christmas alone for years and I thought it would have been nice to have all been altogether for once and confused as to why we hadn’t been invited to join them.

Although hurt I didn’t say anything as thought maybe we will see them Boxing Day or new years.
I then received a message asking to visit us in mid January, well I was taken back and replied that I was miffed at not been invited for Christmas and no effort being made to see us actually over the holidays. I also mentioned it would have been nice to all be together seeing that DD may not have her vision by next Christmas, so would have been a great memory for her. I ended it saying I was cheesed off and hurt by not being invited. After stating all that all I got back was OK…Nothing else … not an explanation or an apology that I’m felling hurt etc just an ok.

Now I’m not sure what I expected but maybe an explanation or even something stating it wasn’t meant to cause hurt but I haven’t received anything of the sort.

how do I navigate this or do I just step back and let them get on with it?

thanks in advance.

Sorry OP. How hurtful. Your father is weak and can’t cope which is a double affront to you. He doesn’t deserve to have any of you in his life

one of mine has been anorexic and my father can’t even discuss it and makes little attempt to see us. Selfish selfish older men

I hope you can find some peace with it all

I'm so sorry. It hurts to be excluded, but it's really stings that bit more when life is shit.

It was the right thing to do, to tell him that you were upset. Would your sister not say anything? I can't imagine going to my Dad's for Christmas and knowing that my sister hadn't been invited.

Go NO CONTACT.

Enjoy your children and your time with your kids.

THIS

Your sister must be feeling bit shit today.
The atmosphere will be crap.

Raise a 🍷 to that.

It was my sister who told me they was going and yes I mentioned we wasn’t invited to her to which she said she doesn’t understand why but I didn’t want to put her in the middle and make her feel awkward.

My eldest two are as miffed as myself. They’re very matter of fact and said well if they don’t want us all there then that’s a them problem lol 😂 I don’t want them to be in the middle though and feel they have to take sides so making it a more myself and them problem than involving the kids.

@Geninitwin1979 I hope you manage to have a nice day - try not to think about this today, and focus instead on nice things.

When Christmas is finished, you can then have a think about how you want to deal with your Dad in the future.

In the meantime a happy Christmas, and I hope your DD has fun today.

Maybe your sister invited them and they said no come here there is more room.

Did you invite your dad and step-mum when you thought they may be on their own. Therr is also a difference between an extra 4 people than an extra 8.

Does your sister generally keep in touch more with him, especially when he lived abroad. Have you ever been off with the step mum? There are so many unknown factors potentially in the scenario.

Like another poster said if you speak rather than message you may get a proper answer.

No strange back story, my sister hadn’t invited them from what she told me and we all keep in touch through various means calls, video, text and what’s app group so no lack of coms or effort on any side till now. I had brought up Christmas in October to be told no plans as yet and left it as let me know what is occurring and if free. Only difference between my sister and I is I work full time, sister part time so I guess she may have more free time to contact more than me but nothing out of the usual. No history of animosity or it would be understandable to some respect. I think if there was some tainted past or issue I wouldn’t be so bemused.

I think you’re right not to put pressure on your sister to put her in the middle, it’s her decision to make but if I was your sister at the very least I rolled be asking your father why you have not been invited and as I said earlier unless there’s some other backstory outside what you’ve said here I would most likely refuse to go.

I think it’s cowardly to sit by and watch one of your siblings and your niece be excluded like this simply because of her disability and just go along with it because you don’t want to rock the boat.

You are right, it’s a realization your sister needs to come to on her own, or not.

Your older kids sound very sensible and mature, I like their response.

I don’t know if this is simply your fathers doing or if he is doing his wife’s bidding but other either way it’s a horrible way that treat your own child and grandchildren.

I do wish you all the best with your daughter and I’m glad she has older siblings who will stand up for her and support her if needed.