Not to let my DH travel alone with DC just yet

[Hocuspoc]

My dh doesn't have the best relationship with his parents. He is also very secretive as to why exactly and it has been like this for years.
They live abroad and our DC is their first grandson.
He is almost two and they never visited and met him (although invited). They've also invited us repeatedly so they could meet him, but my dh has always refused for us to go.
In recent weeks their communication improved slightly and now my husband is keen on paying them a visit with our dc but he is adamant I don't join.
Now why this doesn't sit well with me - firstly I am not offered any reason why I am not welcomed to join. And most importantly, my dh is very light touch when it comes to parenting - all the night wake ups, feedings, meals in general, routines - that is all me. He works much more and yes he does jump in if I need to leave them for a few hours, but he doesn't grasp the amount of effort needed to take everything on full time. I'll be worrying around here also not knowing how he'll handle if there is a fallout with his parents (and how does dc fit into that situation - don't know much about their family dynamics as dh has always kept his cards close on that topic - which makes me worry). All in all this seems forced and sudden.

The wierd thing is that I think his reason for me not to come is so he can prove to them he is in complete control - not sure if that makes sense, not sure how to explain it.
Because if my conclusion so far is true (that they weren't keen on me) - he'd have this need to prove himself I guess, I don't know... completely unhealthy situation.
And for him to behave like our dc is a toy he can parade around while not being capable of getting through one night at home without asking me to jump in...I am just so disappointed with this turn of events.
I am aware some will say this is not a turn of events and the signs have been there all along - I get it, but it is easier to see that after the fact and from outside...
3 weeks ago this would be just a case of a busy man, handing over most of the parenting to his wife and not having time and energy to maintain healthy relationships with his parents.

Probably completely wrong here, but my first thought is that there is no trip to see his parents. I have nothing to back this up, but his story makes so little sense that I don't think it's true.

I would be very concerned that he cannot meet your child's needs and will not bring him back.

@Hocuspoc I wasn't asking for anything. I was saying that I'm finding it difficult to fully understand what's going on. You are of course, under no obligation to furnish anyone with additional details but my point remains that it's hard to give an either/or answer or offer advice.

There was nothing more implied.

Have a peaceful Christmas

Thank you, sorry, I see my response to you may have been a bit harsh. I know it is common for people to change facts not to be easily identified by friends potentially using MN, but really not the case here as it would defeat the purpose of asking for opinion if you didn't know the actual circumstances.
Also the entire situation is (ofcourse! - no surprise there) very private to my husband and me so it's not like my friends would recognise it...
That being said, maybe I should start talking to more people openly about this...
Merry Christmas to you too!

@Hocuspoc

I think the problem is that there are so many variables to this situation, from your DH taking your child and not coming back to your child suffering neglect or being treated/disciplined by his grandparents (or his dad under their influence) in a way you would never approve of.

I know it's a Hague country, but that involves lengthy litigation to force the return of the child if your DH should decide not to return. Is it possible that his parents have that much influence? I know their relationship is shaky, but could that be because they are controlling? And the fact that they don't approve of you might be even more reason why they'd pressure him to stay. I know I'm probably catastrophizing, but in a situation full of unknowns you must consider all possibilities.

Personally I'd say no. That being said, he is an 'equal parent' and could possibly say 'tough shit' and try to go anyway. You know him, I don't so make your own judgement on that. But I'd be tempted to secure the passport somewhere out of the house and possibly put a block on it showing that the 'other parent' does not consent to the child leaving the country. If you were to do that, what do you think the consequences would be and are you ready to deal with them?

Also, he may say you can't come, but there's nothing stopping you from going, either. Unless you think you'd be turned away at the door.

The wierd thing is that I think his reason for me not to come is so he can prove to them he is in complete control - not sure if that makes sense, not sure how to explain it.

He is not and cannot and should not be in complete control, though. He has a life partner (you) and a child for whom he shares control 50/50 with the other parent (you). I keep coming back to the fact that his parents previously invited both of you to visit them. How does that square with the idea that you have that he might want to show them that his is "in complete control" of your shared child?

Ofcourse I agree with you how it should be. But what I mean is him trying to minimize my importance to them - because they didn't like me as his choice of partner. Sort of like we don't need to get along or mix, he'll behave as if he was single when it comes to them...
I understand your point about inviting me too - this was polite but I think he considered it dishonest. This is just my feeling really. Super confused though...

Op, if his parents don’t like you then one would think that your dh would want you to go with him in order to build bridges with them. After all you are the mother of their grandchild. All three of you should come as a package
All very strange

@Hocuspoc what would he say if you told him you want to come because you would like to meet his parents?