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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

She did it again.. another Mil moan

51 replies

arcticpandas · 24/12/2024 15:08

First let me tell you that my Mil is adorable, loving, generous and a really kind person so no general Mil bashing here. It's just that every time we're invited to hers she gets overwhelmed with preparations why we rarely go for dinner/other but we "stop by". So she's hosting christmas like every year because she wants to and have a bigger place as well. We have managed to atleast talk her in to us (Dh and me + 2 tween DC) bring everything (salads, oysters, shrimps, champagne, wine, desert etc) except the turkey that she insists on doing. So I was happy that this year she was not going to stress around and we could come ti her house early to have some time together before eating. Well, she wants us there for 19:00. I will have to feed my kids something before going because they will be hungry because we won't eat directly on arrival. I asked her if we could not come earlier since we got all food stuff as well and to have some time together. She almost threw a nervous fit how the house wasn't ready and the turkey and how she went to the hairdresser this morning and now she needed to find a dress etc etc. Everything is just so complicated with her and she gets stressed out very easily. I thought that finally this christmas we won the battle, that she would only have the turkey (she refused for us to pay for one prepared) and that's it. But she just had to book the hairdresser for today so that she will still find reasons to stress🙄. I love her but I hate spending time with someone who stresses around wondering if everything is perfect... and I want to say it's at our place next christmas even though it's at hers by tradition. AIBU?

OP posts:
LizzoBennett · 24/12/2024 15:15

Some people enjoy the drama and stress of Christmas. They like to have a flap. It's confusing but for some reason, they cannot help themselves. It stresses them out to be calm before a big family occasion. It sounds like you MIL is one of these people.

Whattochoose1 · 24/12/2024 15:19

I stopped at 7pm for eating Christmas dinner , the thought is making me want to cry 😭😭😭

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 24/12/2024 15:33

What on earth is she thinking? 7pm is far too late to be eating! Definitely put your foot down and host next year.

Make sure you have a huge brunch so you can last until 7pm (although we all know it'll be nearer 8 when you sit down). I don't envy you at all... she's behaving ridiculously. No one eats Christmas dinner that late. You're either going to all be starving or too full of snacks to do it justice!

MissDoubleU · 24/12/2024 15:41

Christmas dinner at 7-8pm is insane. What time are you meant to have the cheese board? Midnight? Dear Lord.

This is especially insane with children as they’ll have been up early and usually do better with an early dinner. I like to do a big breakfast, skip lunch and prepare mine for 3/4. Kids do fine because of snacking but not until after 7!!

ThejoyofNC · 24/12/2024 15:44

Who the hell wants to wait until 8pm for their Christmas dinner?! That's nearly time for round 2 here. Just turn up early, what's the worst that can happen?

Figgygal · 24/12/2024 15:47

I assume you mean she wants you there today at for you to stay over bevause noone eats at 7pm on xmas day

SeaToSki · 24/12/2024 15:47

If she wants to stress, let her. She gets to choose how she handles life and you cant make her change. She might even enjoy getting stressed (in a weird way)

but you can say that “7pm doesnt work for us. If you want us to eat with you, we will need to come over at 5pm at the latest.” Then she can just get stressed about that !

VickyEadieofThigh · 24/12/2024 15:48

If one of you is driving and likes a drink, it also means they can't until after arriving at her house...

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 24/12/2024 15:48

@arcticpandas seven pm????? jesus you will all be starving!! why cant she put the turkey on in the morning and have the meal around 2 or 3pm??? how old are the kids who are going to hers>> we always do the christmas catering but as long as i have a clean blouse and jeans on then I am good to go! I honestly need to go to bed around 10!!

Hadjab · 24/12/2024 15:49

Figgygal · 24/12/2024 15:47

I assume you mean she wants you there today at for you to stay over bevause noone eats at 7pm on xmas day

We eat at 7pm every Christmas, always have done, because we have Christmas Dinner, not lunch. Not sure why it's considered weird, when that's the normal time for dinner.

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 24/12/2024 15:50

Is her name Pam?

She did it again.. another Mil moan
Whoarethoseguys · 24/12/2024 16:00

Hadjab · 24/12/2024 15:49

We eat at 7pm every Christmas, always have done, because we have Christmas Dinner, not lunch. Not sure why it's considered weird, when that's the normal time for dinner.

Most people have Christmas dinner at lunch time though. 7pm is much too late for children and normally it's a full family affair. I think it us very unusual to eat it in the evening

trivialMorning · 24/12/2024 16:07

Hadjab · 24/12/2024 15:49

We eat at 7pm every Christmas, always have done, because we have Christmas Dinner, not lunch. Not sure why it's considered weird, when that's the normal time for dinner.

I think evening meal time vary widely - we don't eat that late none of our family do.

At 11-12 they'd have been up that time but not keen on a big meal.

OP I'd either put foot down and have it at yours - though she'll still stress and may be later or stress about times cause you stress in some way- or book a meal out and meet her there and then have her come back to yours.

RawBloomers · 24/12/2024 16:10

Does the stress make it so she’s nasty or a really bad host in some way? Or do you just not like that she gets stressed?

If the former YANBU, but if the latter, YABU, a bit at any rate.

The late meal is unfortunate, but timings are up to the host. People have very different ideas on when is good to eat. It’s just one day that won’t be normal anyway, I would just let the kids stuff themselves with treats through the day and accept they won’t have much of the dinner.

Hesonlyakidharry · 24/12/2024 16:10

Whoarethoseguys · 24/12/2024 16:00

Most people have Christmas dinner at lunch time though. 7pm is much too late for children and normally it's a full family affair. I think it us very unusual to eat it in the evening

Maybe most people England. In Scotland, we have christmas dinner at dinner time, anywhere between 5 and 8pm.

Rowen32 · 24/12/2024 16:12

7?! Omg, I would cancel

JoshLymanSwagger · 24/12/2024 16:28

7pm?

Not a chance. Eat before you leave home and have the turkey cold on sandwiches instead.

Smallsalt · 24/12/2024 16:29

Hesonlyakidharry · 24/12/2024 16:10

Maybe most people England. In Scotland, we have christmas dinner at dinner time, anywhere between 5 and 8pm.

I am in Scotland and I don't know anybody who eats that late.

peppeRomia · 24/12/2024 16:29

Hesonlyakidharry · 24/12/2024 16:10

Maybe most people England. In Scotland, we have christmas dinner at dinner time, anywhere between 5 and 8pm.

What, the whole of Scotland?

I'm in Scotland and we eat the Christmas meal at lunchtime or early afternoon. Never evening.

Tetchypants · 24/12/2024 16:33

Probably too late but I’d have told her you’ll have your proper Christmas lunch at yours and are happy to have turkey sarnies at hers in the evening. That should get the message through.

What would she be doing for the rest of Xmas day?

arcticpandas · 24/12/2024 16:53

Figgygal · 24/12/2024 15:47

I assume you mean she wants you there today at for you to stay over bevause noone eats at 7pm on xmas day

No, we live 5 minutes away..

OP posts:
magicalmrmistoffelees · 24/12/2024 16:53

Hadjab · 24/12/2024 15:49

We eat at 7pm every Christmas, always have done, because we have Christmas Dinner, not lunch. Not sure why it's considered weird, when that's the normal time for dinner.

We eat in the evening too.

arcticpandas · 24/12/2024 16:54

ThejoyofNC · 24/12/2024 15:44

Who the hell wants to wait until 8pm for their Christmas dinner?! That's nearly time for round 2 here. Just turn up early, what's the worst that can happen?

Oh, she would be even more stressed out. Not possible, she would start breathing loudly which scares us all since she's over 80..

OP posts:
cuteyfluff · 24/12/2024 16:56

Eat all the food

arcticpandas · 24/12/2024 16:56

SeaToSki · 24/12/2024 15:47

If she wants to stress, let her. She gets to choose how she handles life and you cant make her change. She might even enjoy getting stressed (in a weird way)

but you can say that “7pm doesnt work for us. If you want us to eat with you, we will need to come over at 5pm at the latest.” Then she can just get stressed about that !

Well, to be fair my DH is used to eating late so he doesn't see any problem. "It's a party, we're supposed to stay up late" 😒

OP posts: