She did it again.. another Mil moan

[arcticpandas]

First let me tell you that my Mil is adorable, loving, generous and a really kind person so no general Mil bashing here. It's just that every time we're invited to hers she gets overwhelmed with preparations why we rarely go for dinner/other but we "stop by". So she's hosting christmas like every year because she wants to and have a bigger place as well. We have managed to atleast talk her in to us (Dh and me + 2 tween DC) bring everything (salads, oysters, shrimps, champagne, wine, desert etc) except the turkey that she insists on doing. So I was happy that this year she was not going to stress around and we could come ti her house early to have some time together before eating. Well, she wants us there for 19:00. I will have to feed my kids something before going because they will be hungry because we won't eat directly on arrival. I asked her if we could not come earlier since we got all food stuff as well and to have some time together. She almost threw a nervous fit how the house wasn't ready and the turkey and how she went to the hairdresser this morning and now she needed to find a dress etc etc. Everything is just so complicated with her and she gets stressed out very easily. I thought that finally this christmas we won the battle, that she would only have the turkey (she refused for us to pay for one prepared) and that's it. But she just had to book the hairdresser for today so that she will still find reasons to stress🙄. I love her but I hate spending time with someone who stresses around wondering if everything is perfect... and I want to say it's at our place next christmas even though it's at hers by tradition. AIBU?

You're probably right. The kids and myself usually eat supper around 18 h while hubby eats around 20-21 h. I just know that there is no way we'll eat before 21:00 because we're bringing almost everything and we are supposed to open gifts this evening as well so it's just stressful when it wouldn't have to be. And sure, she's hosting because we are at her place but as I said we bring everything except turkey. And I told her I'm happy to do the table and everything but she wants to be this perfect hostess which is really hard because she's not organised at all.

I'll open a beer and some crisps now, I'm hungry and don't want to be hangry🙂

With 5mins travel time between you I'd suggest popping round in the morning to assist getting the turkey in the oven earlier although with a DH who grew up eating later than most it might just be not the 'right' thing to do this year.

But absolutely lay the seed for a xmas day at yours next year - she's 80 and this will be her last one being 'in charge' of xmas; hopefully not literally.

Another Scot here; I normally have dinner at 7/8pm, but at Christmas, and only Christmas, we have a weird mid-afternoon dinner at 3/4pm.

My mum can be a bit like this. She has my brother and his wife going tomorrow, and there will only be three of them, but she's already cooked her meat and prepped all the veg. Bro has a 2hr drive in the morning and won't get there early, so unsure what she's panicking about.

Then again, she always makes her porridge the night before (just oats and water) and leaves it standing in the microwave so she only has to heat it. She must save herself a whole 2 minutes, but no doubt lots of stress 🤣

@arcticpandas your mil will be asleep before the end of the first course!! what time does she usually serve on christmas day?????

I'd be at home next year, all the stress gets me down. Plus I'd be hungry!

Same! Our Christmas dinner is always at 3pm

Eh? How can you possibly know what every other family does at Christmas? We are having ours at 6.30 this year because ds2 is working until 6 and we don't want to eat without him. We will have an extra mid-afternoon snack so nobody keels over.

No, she likes being up late like DH. Just got a scolding from DH because I let the kids have some crisps. "They need to be hungry at mum's". - Dude, they're hungry right now and you just be happy I don't serve them their meal before going.
I do get we all have different habits but since we're (kids+me) are going with DH and Mil hour of eating atleast let us have some bloody crisps in peace (had 2 beers as well).

18:30 sounds great! 21:00 less so😪

@arcticpandas you are having dinner tonight???? kids are always used to eating early. they will be starving!

Yet another Scot here. Our norm has been to eat at 4. In the past we had MIL's elderly DM with us and she lived about 10 miles away. We were all at church in the morning so we tended to have drinks and presents at 3 and then food at 4 so that it wasn't a late night for for MIL's DM or small children.

Sounds like she’s got a picture of the perfect Christmas that she’s trying to create. Presumably she enjoys it, or the idea of it, even though it’s stressful.

Don’t blame you for wanting to host at yours though!

How the heck does anyone sleep after a huge evening meal?!

Unless the kids are being fed early and off to bed, that’s a mad time to eat.

So you are talking about dinner this evening, not dinner on Christmas Day?

Again, have I teleported to a different planet? Have you never had a big takeaway blowout at 8/9pm, watching a film? It's so normal

Yes, this evening.

We had crisps 😄 they are 11 and 14 so will survive

Why is she hosting you for a full Christmas Dinner with turkey on Christmas Eve? My DS is so wound up he'd be a nightmare by 9pm. I'm sure some chancer will pop up and say this is completely normal but I know a few people from cultures who celebrate Christmas Eve more than Day and they don't have a turkey dinner for it. I'm pretty sure my Finnish friend has fish.

Our Christmas dinner will be served 6pm on the dot. I would have it at 5 but dh cooks it and he says 6 so I can't argue really.

Not eating till 7pm I'd just have given the kids a good lunch to last till 7pm and snack before leaving the house.

...we do. Always have.

Snacks and stuff during the day. Christmas dinner in the evening.

When you say 'No one eats Christmas dinner that late', I take it you mean 'I don't know anyone who eats Christmast dinner that late, though admittedly I haven't asked them all, but in any case the people I know are a very small percentage of the population so I don't really have enough to go on here, but I'm going to say something brazenly definitive because, you know, I'm absolutely convinced I'm right.'

Actually, now I look at what you meant, I think you did a very good job of paring it down. Well done. Happy Christmas.

I just… do. Eating late has never stopped me sleeping. Good job really as we used to live in Spain, where nobody eats until late.

So she's stressed running around saying she didn't have time to do anything... I just knew it. DH puffing so I just smiled and told him to be patient😄.