To be done with the bitchy comments?!

[happygrinchmass]

For some reason my friend makes a big deal out of me being single (I absolutely don’t).

She made a comment last year about how she didn’t decorate for Christmas when she was single and living on her own. Which made me feel a bit shit as someone who is single and lives alone.

We met up for dinner last night with another friend and there’s was a beautiful Christmas tree and I just commented that I hadn’t put a tree up this year (because I donated my other one and then I forgot to buy a new one) and she exclaimed with gasp and a sympathetic head tilt “you didn’t put a Christmas tree up?!”

Like I can’t win. I’m sad and pathetic whatever I do apparently.

It sounds like she might just hate Christmas trees

Bin her off, I would

Sometimes people say irritating things. You're making it bigger than it needs to be, IMO.

She made a comment last year about how she didn’t decorate for Christmas when she was single and living on her own. Which made me feel a bit shit as someone who is single and lives alone.

Why would that make you feel ahit though? She was saying that she didn't do as much as you. You should be feeling smug at that, not self-pitying!

I don't think her comments are bitchy?

She mentioned she didn't decorate when she was alone (plenty of people don't).

And then sounded surprised you didn't have a tree this year because presumably you normally do?

Not a very nice friend.

Sorry, but how is any of this bitchy? Sounds like you usually have a tree and don't this year and that was surprising to her - nothing to do with being single.

And that was last night, but now you're bringing up another comment she made a year ago (so not recent at all) about not decorating when single - which is fine, I'm single, I don't decorate either, it's no reflection on anyone else is it.

Sounds like you are feeling sad about being alone at Christmas, rather than it being her comments specifically which are fairly innocuous. Sorry if you are feeling sad.

She hates herself.

Put up a tree and enjoy.

I sat in a park with my son yesterday and just lie there in peace, in nature enjoying the experience.

Various families turned up, mums with their partners and kids. Never ever more in my life have i felt such appreciation and gratitude that I didn't have to contend with my own husband/ boyfriend. I felt absolute relief and freedom lying there knowing I have this Christmas day on my own. I actually felt for them! Maybe the look of misery on the women's faces wasn't a true reflection of things for them. Either way, at some point in your life you will possibly feel differently and so will your friend.

She is potentially just being tactless rather than deliberately trying to make out you're a loser. You're best just laughing it off and saying oh I love Christmas,can't pass on the tree.

If she's regularly being a dick just get some distance from her. If you're unhappy single, work on getting out as much as possible next year to meet someone. 🎄😘

There was numerous times she’s brought up me being single. It’s relentless sometimes.

This is just a snippet to show that doesn’t matter what I do I’ll have some comment made.

I’m not sad about being alone at Christmas ffs.

I know the type, OP. She sounds insufferable. I would just start spending less time with her.

If you feel instinctively she's being a bitch - then you're right. Our instincts are always right. Dodge like an absolute bullet for the foreseeable!

Unfortunately I can’t cut her out completely due to mutual friends. But we haven’t met up just the two of since .. March? I think.

So I’m doing better, I just need to know how to handle these comments and not let them bother me. She doesn’t seem to do it to anyone else that I’ve noticed.

It's the tone of the comments I expect and probably not that difficult to read between the lines.
Last year: why did you bother with a tree when you're a sad single?
This year: aww could you not face putting a tree up because you're a sad single?

I expect the friend is the type to place a lot of worth on having a man. Pathetic really.

Me too 100 %

Hmm well I can see why her continued comments are annoying you but if your unable to cut her off completely theirs not much you can do it's either stop meeting up with her their or tell her your not interested in her comments regarding your choices

Exactly

yep

This is so true

I've dealt with people like this in my life. If you were ever to react strongly then you'd look like the problem. Really awful that people can be such utter twats,but there's plenty of them.

Prepare well in advance for every interaction involving her. Prepare exactly what and how you will reply to snide little comments. Actually practice the conversation so you are not off guard. The less said the better usually. If youre in a group it's probably easier. Find someone else to focus attention and conversation on. Try not sit next to her. The best tactic in the group setting is to just be so positive and cheery " ah that's great, what a brilliant guy' - if she starts about her amazing boyfriend. Then divert your focus onto someone else. Don't give her much but every little interaction, be on top, be confident, be positive,no bitching.

For comments such as ' oh it must be awful being alone again this Christmas ' , just giggle and confidently and cheerily say' No way, I absolutely love it! ' Then change subject. 'Oh did any of you guys see X programme this week?' Just keep your attention off her. She' ll feel it instinctively.

You want to rehearse this so you don't come away feeling bad again. I know how angry this stuff makes you inside. When you're prepared and take the high road and look confident, it really belittles and diminishes people like her. Show her no weakness because you can't sadly.

You feel pissed because she takes you off guard, makes you feel belittled and you're unprepared for her comments. You come away feeling like she feels superior to you. You know she isn't so it really irritates. Preparation is key trust me. She's a dick. Incredibly insecure or she wouldn't be doing it.

OP I completely understand this

When I was single and living alone back in the 2000s my colleague was married with 3 kids. When I started my new workplace she said to me

”Do You Cook?!” I mean - WTF???!!!

Then she’d say “I’d find cooking it I lived on my own boring”

I mean what the hell was I supposed to say????

Thanks for being rude when I was trying to be sympathetic. Unnecessary.

Well none of that is clear from the original post - if she is like that then other examples might have helped to clarify.

Every point made in this post is

TOTALLY ON POINT!!!!!!!!!’