Never having the choice to spend Christmas Eve with my partner

[itsxmaseve2]

Am I being unreasonable to feel fed up with this? My partner has a long-standing tradition of going out every Christmas Eve with the men in his family and his friends. They head to the pub at 11am and don’t come back until it closes around 11pm. It’s something they’ve done for years—long before I came along—and in the 7 years we’ve been together, I’ve only spent one Christmas Eve with him.

I don’t begrudge him time with his family and friends, but I feel like I don’t even have the choice to spend it with him. I usually end up staying home with our dog or popping out to the pub with my own friends, but what I’d really like is a quiet, cozy evening with my partner.

It’s not like I expect him to skip it every year, but surely there’s room for compromise? Or is this tradition more important than spending any of the day with me?

So, AIBU to feel upset about this, or do I just need to accept it for what it is?

I wouldn’t be having kids with him .
If he what’s to change into a family man he shows you he can long before you are pregnant .
If not then maybe find someone with same outlook as yourself

Well, don’t have children without making it clear that you are not his mother.

He wont change it when kids come along, from experience. If this is how it is you either reconsider the relationship or accept it that you will be doing all of the christmas preparations with little or no help.

Why would he stop? He has grown up in a family where all the men sod off to get drunk leaving all the women to do the work and childcare. He has continued to do this through seven years of your relationship. Does the attitude really not permeate other aspects of your lives?

This will not change, whatever wild promises he makes now about "changing in the future". Don't marry or have children with him unless he has made the change already or unless you are happy to live like this in the future.

Similarly to other PPs I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who could drink for 12 hours. Surely he's hanging to shreds on Xmas day? Gross.

What does he say about the fact that his folks split over this sort of behaviour?

In general, I wouldn’t be upset about it or ask him to change his ‘tradition’. I wouldn’t want anyone to have to change something they enjoy for me and I’d hope that they’d appreciate my generosity and love me more for it. This obviously assumes that you’re awarded the same ‘freedom’ that he has, otherwise my answer would be very different

@itsxmaseve2 what has he said about this tradition post kids? Does he think he'd be missing out on something if he didn't go?
Anything he says pre kids is subject to change of course.

My husband used to go the pub at lunchtime on christmas day as it was 'tradition' while the 'womenfolk' looked after the kids and did all the cooking. I very firmly put my foot down to that. Either we all go or none go.

Christmas Eve can he not just do alternate years?

This. It wouldn't do for me.

I can't imagine he was happy about this.

This is also your own argument.

I'd actually say every other year so not to be a dick over it, but also so he understands it needs a compromise.

Why the hell would you even think about having a baby with this guy? He's out on the lash for 12 hours with the rest of the cavemen on christmas eve. and they are all probably hung over on christmas day.... What part of that do you think is great for kids or general family life?
Wake and smell the coffee love, you're in danger of becoming a door mat to this nonsense.

Christmas Eve is my favourite day of the year, he wouldn't have lasted a year with me.

I wouldn't consider having children if this is how your feelings now op hate to break it to you but it'll be worse then and it won't change
Only you can can decide weather its something your going to continue to accept or not I would not mind the going to them pub but not all day like you've mentioned that is madness it's better to know this pre kids then having kids to deal with as well which would be worse

Don't commit to a man thinking he will change later. Either accept that the man now is the man he will be forever, or move on. This is who he is. You will only have yourself to blame if you ignore that.

He is spending time with family. This is how the men in his family do family time. It’s always a mistake to try and impose different values on people or ask them to change for you.

If you’re happy with him in other ways just accept it. These days only have the meaning you give them.

Yeah I'm not surprised. I didn't Christmas Eve alone with a toddler because my partner had to work 8-8 and it was a hellish day. I can't imagine trying to deal with a drunk man after all that and then the Christmas day hangover?!

Choose someone else to father your children, this is not the life you want.

Now with no kids totally fine. But you need a conversation about when you have kids and what that will look like. Otherwise you will be complaining in years to com about being left with two toddlers on Xmas eve

At least you're questioning it now, far too many DMs on here who thought/believed their man would change when the kids arrived. 2_3 hrs in the pub OK, 12 hr binges No, no one needs to drink for 12 hrs straight

This.