To think people are becoming ruder...?

[BlackBean2023]

I took the kids out for an afternoon tea at a garden centre yesterday and there was a group of women - one with two children- at the next table. The oldest child was about three and spent most of the time sitting on the floor leaning against my chair (and coat) on her iPad. The youngest looked about 18 months and threw most of their food on the floor which the mum just left there.

I went to do the food shopping and it was carnage. People with multiple trolleys pushing into the smallest of spaces rather than parking their trolley up to the side and taking a couple of steps to the shelves.

Popped into the Co-op on way home to pick up forgotten items and there's a bloke in the queue moaning loudly about having to wait 5 minutes to be served.

I am due to meet a friend for a coffee this morning and I genuinely don't want to have to mix with people after yesterday's interactions!

Yes absolutely. Everywhere I go these days I'm shocked by it. I feel like a grumpy old woman as I discipline my kids constantly when in public to make sure they're not misbehaving and they get confused why other kids are being allowed to run riot. To be honest it's a main factor in my moving my DS to a private school. Kids misbehaving in class is one thing but when the parents are outraged that the school dare phone them and imply their kids aren't behaving, you know you're going nowhere with it.

This happened about ten years ago, so before COVID.
I went out for tea and cake with a friend. We were not with our children but their were lots of families there as it's family friendly. Fine.
As I was eating, I felt a sensation on my back. I realised that the small child sat behind me was rubbing his/ her hands on my back. I moved my chair forward. Child behind moves chair forward and continues doing it. Child says something to Mum and Dad and they respond " Oh yes darling". At no point did they tell their child to stop rubbing their hands on a stranger.
I turned around and said " hello" to the child. Mum and Dad simpered back " hello". I then said " Can you stop doing that because it's extremely irritating". There was a sharp intake of breath and they left pretty quickly.
Browsing the little shops around, I saw the family a couple of times and they left very quickly once the spotted me.
It's years ago now but it was so bizarre that I still puzzle over it. Who allows their child to touch a stranger repeatedly? Very odd

A lot of teenagers in my city do give people space and are polite. They are not always with their parents either! I have seen anti-social behaviour, though, too.

If you use a walking aid or wheelchair then at least it gives you a little bit more personal space and people visualise you as being disabled. Ha bloody Ha.

I can remember many years ago (90s ish?) when I had to use a stick as a walking aid, you could see people (usually guys in 20s/30s/40s) eye up the cane then work out they could barge onto the train ahead of me, or even push me out of the way. Then having missed all the seats, I'd stand there watching people studiously NOT "noticing" the person with obvious mobility issues hanging on line grim death when the train moved. The number of people "reading" a paper or a book that I could see was upside down, just so they "didn't notice" me.

Though I will admit on occasions to just happen to raise my (aluminium) walking stick to about shin level as they charged past. Or to lose my balance and "accidentally" let the foot of the stick land on someone's toes with all my weight on it.

Lots of people just don’t have any class.

But I think a lot of it comes from misery (at their lives). Miserable people do not focus on other people.

@Allergictoironing that's horrible how people treated you. I do think some people who are younger and able bodied, usually male, tend to encroach on others' space without a care in the world.

Invariably men

This is why I don't go to the cinema anymore. People don't know how to behave. I can't face it. Your experience is particularly bad - but I bet it's not unusual.

95% of the time yes.

I used to go to Sadlers Wells regularly, but the last time i went - to see Flamenco - so many people were texting and filming the show on their phones, chatting and munching big sandwiches, it was like a bonkers infants party, i don't go any more, won't pay to have deal with adults behaving like this. No one seems to know how to behave in public any more, or care.

Yep people are absolute bell ends a lot of the time. Thankfully, I don't have to deal with them face to face like the poor retail workers but just in case anyone reads this and it helps them, writing your emails in capital letters doesn't make you right, shouting down the phone at someone trying to help you, doesn't make you right, demanding to speak to a manager very rarely changes the outcome.

"engage with it and teach it"... The irony of some of the posters on here... far more rude than children I come across day-to-day. Awful attitude!

Lucky you. I encounter rude children on a daily basis. Children don't even know to say thank you when you give or even gift them something. Snatching has become a more frequent response. Society needs to work on this, so yes engage with your child and teach basic manners towards others is an important message.

I know what your mean OP. I think its roots qre in thatcherism. She privatised everything, started gutting oublic services and removing third spaces, and pushed the idea of us being a society of individuals. I do think that idea and the policy changes she made has infected all our minds little by little. Everyone is more individualistic, out for themselves, doesn't think collectively, we've lost her sense of community and neighbourhood-ness. Exacerbated by how we move around more and by our divisive political climate where we're encouraged to blame each other - people on benefits or migrants - to avoid us looking up to the tiny percentage of people that exploit us and have all the money and power.

But it leads to bad atmosphere when we're out and about and loneliness. It's sad.

Yes people are in general more rude. I work in a company where all of us in the building work for the same company. People don’t say good morning or hi in the lift anymore - mainly the ones in their 20s. Headphones in, head looking at phone. It used to be nice and friendly.

This is my own theory from studying politics and observing this change but I just looked up and there are lots of interesting articles e.g.

https://blogs.lse.ac.uk/inequalities/2026/01/07/collectivism-individualism-and-the-psychological-dimension-of-class-conflict-under-margaret-thatcher/

Also a blog by Corey Gordon that I can't copy and paste

To me the link between individualism and rudbess is clear - and I know that I'm more impatient when im thinking of my little individuals needs and goals and feel like people are getting in my way.

But interested what other people think - and need to do more reading around this