To think it’s so selfish to take sick kids out in public places

[picturethispatsy]

Just this week alone I’ve had to sit with my immune-compromised child on a train and in a theatre near very obviously sick kids constantly coughing and visibly poorly with bright red cheeks/clearly running a fever.

Caveat: I know that there are occasions where you have to go out and run an errand or something similar & have no-one to leave said child with, but why would you take a very obviously poorly kid to the theatre (two adults and two children so one could’ve stayed at home), not least as it’s unfair to the child but also how selfish to knowingly spread a virus!? Especially in the run up to Xmas FFS.

I realise we can’t shield ourselves from every virus going and it’s part of being human to catch them but there is a difference between inadvertently spreading one and knowingly exposing others 😭

Do people genuinely not think or are they just that selfish?

As we learned when we tried this during covid, this is a risky game for people with underlying health conditions. It is not a good idea to try and institute norms that are going to lead to the more anxious and/or arsehole members of society thinking they've got a right not to be around people who look visibly unwell or have coughs. The easiest targets are the ones who get bullied.

Perhaps op you should be campaigning for better refund policies for attractions, shows etc because the truth is you have to book months in advance, spend lots of money so people are not going to miss for mild illness. Now chickenpox mentioned in the thread is different, a potentially serious illness that is notifiable quite different to the low grade fevers, mild coughs and colds that we carry on with.

I was not talking about a mere cold though.

The kids I’ve encountered recently have been visibly running a fever, coughing almost constantly and clearly not wanting to be there. Another child in my examples was given Calpol for all to see as she was whimpering. The child in my theatre example wasn’t even watching the show, she was nuzzled into her parent with her head on their chest not even distracted by the show. I’m talking about that sort of level of sick.

Believe me it’s always a dilemma.

I want to balance her having a life with being physically healthy and the struggle is very real 😔

It’s the older ones that don’t cover their mouths.

Coughs and sneezes spreads diseases.

Wish people would understand that they need to cover their mouths

The fact is you don't actually know how sick the child is in any of your examples.
They might have been perfectly fine in the morning, and start feeling sick half way through the show.
They might have had that fever/cold for days and be fine once Calpol starts working which can take 30-60 min.
It could just be a cold with coughing and sneezing but no sign of fever.

You have actually no clue, their parents do.

Honestly, if any of our children were immunocompromised, we’d all be wearing masks. I see quite a few people in them and don’t bat an eye, it’s quite normal post-pandemic.
In an ideal world, of course we’d all consider others but that’s just not going to happen for many reasons, some selfish, some good.

This.

I’m immunocompromised (cancer) and don’t expect everyone else’s world to stop turning because of me. YABU OP.

near very obviously sick kids constantly coughing and visibly poorly with bright red cheeks/clearly running a fever.

You cannot bloody tell

One of my DC coughs a lot. Asthmatic.

We went to the theatre this week, my DH insisted on our two both being bundled up in thermal vest, tshirt, thick christmas jumper. It was the end of a long day, they were shattered, they were too warm so yep, bright red cheeks, looked tired and dopey. They were absolutely fine just ready for their beds when we got home.

Feverish children can often be pale actually not red cheeked.

As pp have said, the infectious period is often before or very early on in an illness. Eg a family might go out with two apparently well children, one of whom may start feeling ill later on, by which point they may have already passed on things to those around them.

Oh and don't get me started on runny noses becaise my kids seem to have them all winter and are perfectly well. They are just prone to catarrh and rhinitis.

OP do you realise you use the phrase "visibly running a fever" repeatedly.

Do you know what a fever is? It's a prolonged raised temperature, and its not typically assessed by observing visually.

You literally cannot say those children were definitely very ill. Children cough & sneeze a lot. They are often pale in winter. At this time of year the weather yoyos between freezing & mild amd its quite common for children to be overdressed & get too hot, thus the red cheeks & bright eyes. Its exciting and there's a lot going on, children have often been kept up late & are exhausted.

My youngest gets red cheeks when he has a cold because he constantly wipes his sleeve across his face (he's 2) so he looks more ill than he is. My eldest has had a cough for about 8 weeks now, is otherwise fine.

Overall, YANBU.

Take this from someone who usually does let these things work her up - don't waste your precious energy on getting angry about it. Instead, accept the fact that people are gross and selfish. They will take their kids to places they know they'll infect others, just to get their 'money's worth'. I think, if you're going to do that, at least do everything you can to stop yourself/the kid being a superspreader. I.e. use lots of tissues to cover up coughs and sneezes.

Initially, I did think YABU because it's a part of life in the winter. It is what it is unfortunately. I think the real issue here is inconsiderate people. Calpol'ing your kid at an event is ridiculous. Stay home. OP, your annoyance is justified.

It's tricky really, because wherever you, especially at this time of year, there will be sick people (obviously so and those not so obvious). I never took mine to events when they were clearly unwell, purely because I feel that it's really shit to drag a kid somewhere when they'd be much better off at home. The money's been spent whether you go or not, it's just a matter of what you prioritise.

YANBU but you'll get pages of people justifying this because of their own wants and needs. People are very selfish these days.

People are becoming increasingly selfish & only care about themselves & their family. They don’t even think about who they might be spreading their germs to. It was interesting on holiday in Japan where anyone who was ill wore a mask to stop it spreading to others. A great idea, but most people here are far too selfish to do it.

Face masks don’t work by preventing you from catching the virus, they work by preventing the person who has the virus from spreading it. So it is the selfish people taking the sick children out that should be making their children wear them in this scenario.

Yes, I took my daughter to the theatre on Sunday and it was absolutely full of sick children coughing their guts up. Several looking very unwell and sleeping through most of the performance. This is a show we have been to every year for about 7 years (apart from during Covid) and I do not remember it being like this before. Both of us have come down with colds today. Thanks, selfish people.

Yes, I have this - one month today! I am presuming I am no longer contagious...

There is no way you can tell how sick another child is so in that fact YABU . e.g. you say red cheeks but that can be a symptom of a lot of things not just fever. Just wiping your nose too much gives you a red face, the child snuggled down might not have slept the night before so is tired, given Calpol is in now way a reflection of how ill or what illness a child has.

I'd take my children out with coughs/colds etc. I've been known to give Calpol for a fever then go out. But I have a DD who throws a fever when she isn't even sick.
If we are well enough to work / go to school etc then we are well enough to go anywhere. If I stopped everything when my children got a cough or cold we wouldn't do anything from Oct to Easter every year.

9 times out of 10 things are contagious before you even show symptoms so the seemingly health person next to you could be infecting you, not the visible sick person.

The good masks (FFP2 and better) do work both ways and are what you need if it's what you're breathing out or in that matters most.

To catch a spray of droplets at source from a sneeze or cough and to stop those droplets going all over surfaces, the sick person wearing one is best.

I look hideous when I've got a bad cold. I would happily wear a mask around Tesco out of vanity alone!

And yet people in Japan still catch colds and flu….

Yes, but at rather lower rates. Which is a good thing

Some of us are still wearing them.