To think it’s so selfish to take sick kids out in public places

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Just this week alone I’ve had to sit with my immune-compromised child on a train and in a theatre near very obviously sick kids constantly coughing and visibly poorly with bright red cheeks/clearly running a fever.

Caveat: I know that there are occasions where you have to go out and run an errand or something similar & have no-one to leave said child with, but why would you take a very obviously poorly kid to the theatre (two adults and two children so one could’ve stayed at home), not least as it’s unfair to the child but also how selfish to knowingly spread a virus!? Especially in the run up to Xmas FFS.

I realise we can’t shield ourselves from every virus going and it’s part of being human to catch them but there is a difference between inadvertently spreading one and knowingly exposing others 😭

Do people genuinely not think or are they just that selfish?

We've all had winters where it seems to be one cold after another. If we stayed home every time we would get nothing done. Covid does seem to have left an awfult lot of unnecesarry health anxiety.

Sorry OP but if your child is seriously immuno-compromised I'd suggest not travelling by public transport.

WTF is wrong with some people? @Craftysue thats ridiculous I hope you’re ok. That kid wasn’t exactly enjoying it, was he.

My son had a cough for over 4 weeks. Finally starting to go. I still go out. You'd never leave the house if you stay in for every little thing you catch

You can get out to walks and parks; there's no need to attend indoor events where your kids will spread their germs.

God, that's terrible.

There needs to be more social stigma for spreading contagious diseases.

I agree with you op.. we’ve been catching up with friends and I despair a bit when we meet up and their kids are full of thick snot and a horrific hawking cough! Which they never mention.. I think oh gawd that’s my kids over Xmas now!! I wish they would say beforehand.

My DC have pretty much had a cold or low level illness every week since September, if we stayed in every time they were ill we would have never been out!

I do take my kids out if they are sick if I have to. I don’t take them to play dates, parties, play grounds, any appointments I can change. I only take sick kids if have an appointment that I can’t re book, or if I had expensive tickets to something. I don’t do catch ups with people before Christmas.

I get you.
Maybe add a layer of protection by wearing a face mask.
I think lots of it is simply parents being desensitised towards their children's illnesses because there's always some snot or cough happening. Also, the feeling that you must do it because you bought the tickets, it's a special occasion, your child will throw a fit.
It's also a habit, being particularly pushed by schools which value attendance over anything else. You will get posters who will ask if a clear attendance sheet should be prioritised over the health of children and the answers will be full of shared memories of Moms sending their children to school just hours after an amputation of all limbs and a close call with Black Death because anything else just makes your child look weak.

I wouldn’t cancel something for a cough, these things cost a lot of money. Mine were in nursery and school so caught a lot of things and sick a lot in the winter. Not great for you, but I think you have a to assume everywhere you go now will have sick people.

This. I see so many people complaining about people coughing and spluttering etc and a lot of this could be avoided if people wore masks again.

That seems to be too much work for everyone, however.

DC and I have had constant colds and viruses since the start of school this year and I still need to get them to school when they're well enough, go food shopping, take the train. Obviously it's not possible or even allowed to stay at home with every virus. If it affects someone or their family members more severely, it's their responsibility to mitigate the risk. One of those things where other people/the world will just not be accommodating, as frustrating as it is.

Of course it's fair to say all people with colds can't be expected to stay home all the time. Some people might not manage it at all. Some could probably manage it sometimes though IF they decided to try, and FOMO didn't win over being considerate of other people.

@endofthelinefinally when my boy had chicken pox they got infected. Rang the doctor and was told to sit at the doctors waiting room with him. Poorly people everywhere. But for him to get some medicine he could have made a lot of vulnerable people poorly. But that was the only option. I hated knowing that we were risking people's health but he needed antibiotics

That is really bad. It always used to be the rule to use a separate room. One of the gps I worked with once actually stuck his head out of the window to look at a child brought round the back of the building. It was a nice sunny day to be fair.

@endofthelinefinally it was aweful really but you can never win. Now they're at school they want kids to stay home if sick but then push attendance so hard and send letters to say you need to do better so you have to send the kids in with a cold

Kids often have snotty noses and coughs from September onwards, it’s pretty much unavoidable and they have passed it on most likely before they look sick. If my child was immunocompromised I would be taking steps to shield her. Every time you leave the house or touch a surface you run the risk of picking something up. DD has been sick, I kept her home for a few days but after that if a cold is not shifting then expecting her to stay at home for 2 weeks is just not practical. Her whole class has been laid low and it’s not because people have been sending visibly sick kids in, it’s because they pass it on before their parents realise they are ill.

My MIL struggles during the winter, she reduces her own contact with people she doesn’t expect the rest of the world to stop because she can’t guarantee that anyone she has contact with isn’t carrying a virus that hasn’t made itself known yet.

COVID has done something to people, it seems to have increased anxiousness about normal colds and flus.

Do you remember that time when everyone owned a face mask and wore it out of the house... to protect other people from their germs, which is how masking works. Just a thought.

No way are people still talking about masks in 2024.

It's fine to go out or to go to work with a cold. You can't stay in for every little thing.

It might depend on what is wrong.
My son currently has scarlet fever and his cheeks are very red. He doesn't look great but he's okay in himself. He has had antibiotics for 24 hours and so he is no longer contagious.

I would hate for someone to think I'm selfish for taking him out when the Dr has said its okay and he is not contagious due to medication.

I understand there are many different illnesses etc and if people are ill and contagious it's selfish to be out and about for sure.

I understand OP. People are generally selfish and don't care about anyone other than themselves. It's also selfish to take a sick child out for the sake of the sick child.

That’s a very good idea, but to reduce the spread, what you need is for all those with symptoms to be in masks too, so they don’t contaminate the indoors air for hours (depending on which virus they are exhaling)

I think OP is right, those with symptoms should stay at home as much as possible

There are 4 nasty viruses in pretty free circulation at the moment. And one of them (covid) is notorious for reducing your immune system making everything in the following few months rather worse. I think the winter pressures on NHS are going to be really tough this year - they’ve already started on the warnings.

People will blame the cuts, rather than our attitude to spreading infectious diseases.

But remember that the last rounds of capacity reductions were several years ago now. What makes a year better/worse for NHS is the level of circulation of winter viruses

It seems to be you can't expect people to stay away from crowds when unwell which could be a few days but immunocompromised should stay away from crowds - for life?

I do my best, don't use public transport, don't fly, don't go to theatres or gigs etc but there's a huge different when something is lifelong and you have to balance living and well, living!

The risk of catching bugs is sadly a part of life - in fact people are often most infectious before symptoms have even appeared, so you can just as easily catch something off the apparently healthy person on the train/bus/etc too.

That said, I do find it astonishing that we've come through the pandemic and many people still do not know (or care) how to cough and sneeze politely. Spluttering all over the place without covering their mouths and noses properly, sneezing in their hands and then touching everything in sight. It's basic consideration to at least try not to spread your germs to other people.