Why is this happening now?

[Beingamumistough]

So my children are 3 and 6 and my ex husband was so lazy and spent so much time away from the family home that I decided to end it. He was always out on various nights out/hobbies etc and the kids were always for me as I was the one who was always there. I don’t know if I should be happy or gutted about this but they came home from their dads today and my son cried himself to sleep because he misses him, part of me thinks this reaffirms my decision as he is spending quality time with them but I also hate to see him cry. Why couldn’t he have put the effort in when he was here?

Can somebody please reply as I am seriously questioning my decision

Are you questioning your decision to leave your ExH?

I'm sure they you didn't make that decision lightly? I'm sure that the reasons you had at the time are still valid.

It's easy to be a Disney dad. He was willing to be a proper parent. List every single reason you left, not here just for yourself. To don't really away from a marriage because someone is a bit lazy and has hobbies. Remind yourself of why you left.

It's because he's spending time playing or giving them sweets.

All the stuff he couldn't be bothered to do when he lived with them

I believe its called "Disney dad "

Your son may have been crying because he was overwhelmed and exhausted. Hopefully your ex has now stepped up to parent the kids when with him. This is a good thing, don’t take him back he will just go back to his old ways. Just work on being great co parents. If the kids are mostly with you, maybe invite their dad over for dinner once a week.

“Disney Parent” actually has a legal definition: “a noncustodial parent who indulges his or her child with gifts and good times during visitation and leaves most or all disciplinary responsibilities to the other parent.”

He’s a Disney dad, and there’s nothing wrong with your son still loving and missing his dad. Their relationship is separate to yours and ex H’s. Why would you be second guessing leaving him? Nothing has changed between you and him.

They have never ever said they have kissed him before. Why is he putting in the effort now? Even when he lived with us they never asked where he was.

Because you threw him out. Once he is done punishing you, he will probably go back to ignoring the kids.

I messaged him and told him and I just said I think it is lovely that he misses him. It confirms my decision was correct, he didn’t reply

@Guest100 maybe invite their dad over for dinner once a week.

Mad suggestion imo

we broke up prior to this and he told me he had met somebody else and I begged for him back. He has tried this again but I didn’t react so now he is moving onto the kids

He was absolutely shattered.

He even told me the reason he told me he had met somebody else was so I would beg for him back. I
am not falling for this shit anymore

I'm sure your little one was absolutely exhausted and that contributed to the tears, but it can be confusing and upsetting for children to understand why their parents aren't together. In their world, it's simple and, if they love both parents, of course they'll miss one when they're not with the other. Your DS can't know how unreliable and untrustworthy his father was, and not should he, but it's still painful for you to watch him dealing with that.
Be e strong. You know you've made the right decision when you reflect on why you ended it, but it's OK to have a wobble when you see your child upset.

He is a master manipulator. Better that he does it outside your home rather than inside it. Your children will get used to the separate houses in time. I would lean into the positives as much as you can, which I think you're doing already.

He sounds like a colossal turd, your x by the way. Colossal!

My eldest balled the house down as a 3 year old the night my dad was buried. He didn't understand the significance of the day, he was overwhelmed by the change to his routine.

Your son is overwhelmed, it will all go back to normal next week.

100% agree here

Everyone has said what i think tbh - stay strong girl, you've done the right thing

You've been brave and made the tough decision. It's a bit rocky now but will settle down. Let's see how involved your ex is after it's sunk in that you're not going back to him x

I hate men. He wasn’t there for me when I needed him and now he is doing this to the kids.

How often does he have them? I'm guessing it's not 50/50. It's easy to be a "good" parent if you're only having them EOW (see Disney dad).

He should’ve made the effort whilst we was together instead of going out every night, spending weekends at festivals, working late, season tickets etc, so annoying.

He has them one night a week. I get everything ready for them to go, iron their clothes etc, make sure they have their homework done, spellings etc. why do men become shit after kids?

Honestly I'm with you, sick of 'em

I'm doing it on my own and it really isn't so bad. That said, it's always been just me

You can do this and you can manage the fallout from his, what i suspect will become, sporadic contact - routine, love, cuddles and routine, you've got it

He didn’t reply to my message when I said
is crying because he misses you. It’s a good thing, it means you are spending quality time with them and reaffirm’s my decision