Why is this happening now?

[Beingamumistough]

So my children are 3 and 6 and my ex husband was so lazy and spent so much time away from the family home that I decided to end it. He was always out on various nights out/hobbies etc and the kids were always for me as I was the one who was always there. I don’t know if I should be happy or gutted about this but they came home from their dads today and my son cried himself to sleep because he misses him, part of me thinks this reaffirms my decision as he is spending quality time with them but I also hate to see him cry. Why couldn’t he have put the effort in when he was here?

When it comes to the children just grit your teeth and see it out. One day the children will see the truth.

Mine are young adults/older teens and they know who did what for them (youngest was just two when he had his affair) and I get a lot of appreciation back these days even though I had to put up with the disney dad stage for a few years.

I never blocked contact but now he has moved area and rarely makes the effort to see them regularly. He wonders why they don't bother to see him (three can drive) but he reduced contact first and they don't see why they should make the effort he wasn't willing to when they were younger.

My son was the same after I split up with his dad. He saw him regularly and I thought 'brilliant, I've done the right thing'. Then the contact started reducing and he completely cut ties 3 years later. Unfortunately that just confirmed it.

You are well rid of him @Beingamumistough he just thought of himself, going out all the time, pleasing himself and not bothering about you or Dc. He has them one night per week and actually has to look after them himself, it must be a big shock for him and he probably misses the time he could leave everything to you and go out all the time. Don’t fall for his mind games and suddenly being father of the year for one night out of seven. It won’t last long, he just wants you to think he has suddenly changed but it’s just an act. That leopard won’t change his spots!

I'm on your side in this and he's a total shit but that text was unnecessary. It sounds like you're both goading the other.

Keep the contact between you polite but businesslike.

Breaking up with him might be the best thing you've done for their relationship together to be honest. It forces him to actually parent them (even if it's fairly light and disney).
I'd give him some responsibility- here are their spellings, they need to do part of their homework, they also need 20 mins reading or whatever. If you do all the drudge you will be naggy drudge parent and he's all fun and games.

Your son is feeling anxious because of the changes, your the parent who is always there for him as your ex was always out so give him lots of hugs, reassure him your not going anywhere.
I know you’re sad and angry but you saw you were a single parent even when you were with ex. You did the right thing by ending the relationship, he’s not going to see the light and become a different person because he is who he is. Don’t try to score points with him trying to make him see you were right, it’s just going to make you pissed off as he will use your emotions to play mind games.

Why on earth would you do that?

People who are sure they have done the right thing don't feel the need to send goady messages. Disengage.

I do tend to agree with not messaging him.

The usual advice on the relationship board is to set up an email address that's just for his messages and block him on everything else. Let him know that if he wants to message you about the DC he should use that email address.

And there was a great thread recently where the OP was advised by her Therapist to use a very noncommittal phrase in situations like the one where he's telling you he has met someone else. She was advised to say things like OK or "let me know how that works out" although in your case I'd probably just go with the OK.

If he's not getting a reaction back from you he's unlikely to keep trying

One night per week? That's babysitting not parenting. Anyone could be dad of the year in such a limited time slot when they've got 6 days a week of freedom.

Yes it’s rubbish I get all the shit work to do. Really broke my heart that he was crying for him as I felt like it is all my fault that he isn’t here.

You didn’t force your ex to go out all the time, to put his pleasure before his family. Your son is feeling insecure because of the changes, that’s to be expected, just give him lots of cuddles and reassurance that your not going anywhere.

It's your ex's fault for being such a useless parent and husband. Please don't be hard on yourself. I know it's really difficult but you didn't cause this.