Christmas Family meal without Husband

[Kittycat1969]

I’ll keep it short so as not to bore you, but my husbands adult son works away and my husband hasn’t seen him for about 18 months, they are close in that they text and speak on the phone regular. We are seeing him over the Christmas period (not Christmas Day) but we have just found out that sons sister, grandparent and Aunt and Uncle are meeting for a meal on Christmas Eve and we only found out by hearsay that this is happening. My husband has not been invited! He hasn’t fallen out with any of his family, in fact we are hosting them all Christmas Day.

AIBU to be angry about this, I resisted the urge to message them all but I feel like I may something at Christmas. My husband just shrugged his shoulders and said they just don’t think

Son’s sister, aunt, uncle and grandparent as in your DH’s child, sibling and parent?!

Yeah, I’d be pretty upset about that and I’d be asking the organiser why I’d been left out. That’s at best really really thoughtless and unkind.

Yes, sons sister, sons grandparent and his aunt and uncle (my husbands brother and wife) all my husbands close family. I’m absolutely fuming about this, he’s spoken to them and seen them lots of time since this has been arranged. I brought it up in a group chat with h/brother the other day when then we were making arrangements for Christmas Day and brother just acknowledged and still didn’t ask my husband to come. I feel like telling them not to come for Christmas, they haven’t contributed or offered to at all

i don’t get the relevance to your dh keeping in touch with his son
and not being invited to a meal his son isn’t at?

It's a piss take to get you organising Christmas, but not invite you to this meal!?

Is there other drama that prevents you all getting together?

His son is at it, sorry I didn’t explain very well. Son is only around for 3 days as he works quite a way away

Not at all, we all went on holiday together this year and we all get on great. This is why I feel so bad for my husband because it’s just thoughtless

Yeah, I wouldn't be hosting anyone who treated my dh so poorly.

It seems odd his dc haven’t invited him or told him?

if there is no back story it’s really odd behaviour

If your dh isn’t fussed I’d leave, but I wouldn’t host them again. I think it’s really rude

@Kittycat1969 will the ex wife be there though?

Definitely no back story. They all get along just fine and he’s in constant touch with all of them. Maybe they each think someone else has asked him along but he’s spoken to all of them lots of times over the last few weeks and they mention it but never ask if he’s coming 🤷‍♀️

No but even if she were, we get on fine with her and have had drinks and meals with her lots of times before. It’s just my husbands very close relatives

If they're all mentioning the meal then they're not trying to keep it a secret. Are you sure they don't all assume his is going? Maybe they all think his son has invited him?

When I read post like this, I don’t understand why people don’t just bloody ask why don’t you get your husband to ask why I have not been invited. Why can’t people just be bloody honest with what they think it might be painful but at least it has everything in the open.

I think this might be a possibility but even when we’ve spoken to them, they say see you Christmas Day not Christmas Eve, haven’t asked why he can’t come or nothing if it wasn’t for h/daughter mentioning she was going in passing we wouldn’t have even known

You keep saying son's sister - is this your DH daughter? Or his sons half sister?

Is it DH parent (s), son, daughter, brother and SIL? If yes that's bloody odd and I think I'd just ask them if they're expecting us (I.e. Do they think son has invited you?) and if not, why on earth not?!

I will be honest when I see them, I will ask and I will tell them what I think of them. Too late to change plans for this year but I will not host them at Christmas again I’ll let them assume someone should’ve invited them 😏

Orrr you could ask if there's been a misunderstanding somewhere? They might all be expecting you to turn up. This is his parent, surely he can say 'mum, what's going on on CE?'

Yes my husbands son, daughter, husbands parents and husband brother and wife. He’s the only family member not going. It’s possible son was supposed to invite him but when it’s talked about no one asks why he’s not going, or what time he’ll be there or anything like that or even if he’s coming.

Are all these people coming to yours on Christmas Day too? Just not your stepson? In a sense I can see why they'd want to meet with him and maybe figured as they were seeing your DH the next day and he was seeing his son another time they may but have included him. But otherwise yes it seems an odd omission.

Why can't your DH ask to come along to the meal too? I get restaurants book up quickly on Christmas Eve but there are five of them so they will probably be seated at a table for six and your DH would be able to take the spare seat.

Then I'd be inclined to contact and just say "Are you expecting us on Christmas Eve?"

I’m confused as to why you’re focusing on the son when it’s also his daughter?

I would probably have done this when my grandparents were alive as my extended family are all very close and it wouldn’t have been strange for us to see our grandparents/aunties and uncles without my parents present. But obviously that might not be the dynamic in your husband’s family.

Of course it's not too late to uninvite them. They'll just have to dash to the shops today or tomorrow.

that could be another possibility and yes everyone but my stepson are coming Christmas Day, but I still think it’s rude and we’ve only just shored up arrangements to see his son a couple of days ago and the meal has been organised long before that so they didn’t know we were going to see him

He sees his daughter all the time so her having a meal with extended family isn’t such an issue. He hasn’t seen his son for over 18 months