Christmas Family meal without Husband

[Kittycat1969]

I’ll keep it short so as not to bore you, but my husbands adult son works away and my husband hasn’t seen him for about 18 months, they are close in that they text and speak on the phone regular. We are seeing him over the Christmas period (not Christmas Day) but we have just found out that sons sister, grandparent and Aunt and Uncle are meeting for a meal on Christmas Eve and we only found out by hearsay that this is happening. My husband has not been invited! He hasn’t fallen out with any of his family, in fact we are hosting them all Christmas Day.

AIBU to be angry about this, I resisted the urge to message them all but I feel like I may something at Christmas. My husband just shrugged his shoulders and said they just don’t think

That’s up to him but I wouldn’t and I don’t think he will either. I wouldn’t be able to go anyway as I’m working. If one of five people can’t be bothered to check If he’s going when its been mentioned I doubt they really care and I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction

Its weird but just take the bull by the horns and call and find out whether your dh can go to the Christmas eve dinner. Don’t stew about it.

So much drama over a simple phone call and question.

Are they leaving you in peace because you are hosting the next day? I know I like everything a certain way before I have people over for christmas day.

I mean... if he hasn't seen his son in 18 months and his son is going to this meal without him, is it possible that maybe the relationship isn't as good as you and your husband believe? Or that maybe someone else in the rest of the family has issue with you, and know that to invite your husband they'd feel duty bound to invite you too? Sorry, not nice to think about.
Although what i would say is do consider that not everyone considers something like this a snub - lots of families do sub-group things such as this and it's not done out of any malice, it's just normal.

No. No one has issues with anyone, it’s a known fact in the family that I’m working anyway so i wouldn’t be able to go anyway. I think it’s just thoughtfulness which is more annoying than a falling out to me, because there is genuinely no other reason

Oh and he hasn’t seen his son for 18 months because he’s been working abroad. They speak regularly

Well, I guess it's up to your DH then. If he isn't too bothered, then I think you should try not to be too. If he really wants to be included, then surely he's close enough to these people to contact them and say "Is it ok if I join you?". If he wants to go and won't do this, then it's his choice to cut off his nose to spite his face.

But he’s seeing him the next day, right?

It seems like his son wants some time with his extended family without his father being there – or without you being there – for whatever reason – only you guys can know, or ask, why…

Why isn't your husband asking "is it ok if i come along too on the 24th. It'd be great to see son"

Honestly, from what you've said there's clearly been a miscommunication. Maybe they aren't asking because they assume as you're working and hosting the next day he needs to spend the evening getting stuff ready. Maybe they're being respectful and not pressuring him. Maybe they assume his son asked him and he said no, for any of a multitude of reasons! He should just ask!

Lift the phone, message or call. Hi John, what time are we meeting for dinner tomorrow? Looking forward to seeing everyine. Dad

So his Son is not bothered about seeing his Dad then.

Your husband family are all meeting the Son and the Son hasn't invited his Dad.

The Son is the problem!

I’m struggling with this one as others are. Why build up resentment to it if you just don’t know - maybe someone has said x, y or x… but who knows because no one has asked!

he may not be bothered by it but you clearly are. A simple ‘is dad invited along to Christmas Eve meal as he is on his own tomorrow night as I’m working’ in the family WhatsApp group should suffice… if there is silence then you get your answer!

but there is no point stewing on it and making a big song and dance out of it on Wednesday when it can be easily solved today.

The son has been working abroad for the last 18 months and that’s why he hasn’t seen him! Has just come back. They speak and text regularly

This all sounds like crossed wires. Someone was probably supposed to do the asking but hasn't and has assumed someone else did. If everyone generally gets on, I wouldn't be concerned, I'd just ask the question;your husband) Am I not invited?

Everyone will laugh about and normal relations resumed.

For goodness sake, if there's no backstory and everyone gets along fine then this is clearly a massive mix-up or miscommunication where everyone is presuming that your DH knows and is coming! Why on earth doesn't he just ask!! It's quite passive agressive to wait until the event is over, or indeed until they all arrive and start wondering where he is. This is just creating drama - get him to ask about it and sort it out.

They’ve been asked in the group chat now and the answer was that they didn’t think he’d want to come because I couldn’t so they didnt ask. Still a shitty thing to do, they should’ve given him the choice

So he'll be going now then it's all sorted?

It is shitty, they should have asked and let him decide for himself.
I hope it doesn't impact Christmas in your house.

What I want to know is where is DSS going to be on Christmas Day ?

Is it just - DH is seeing DS boxing day, GP are seeing DH Xmas day - DS and GP won't see each other on either of those occasions so have organised a separate meal to get together?

Hope he has a lovely time with them now all is resolved

Even more reason to have invited him surely so he wasn't sat alone Xmas eve. I'm out tomoro with my dad and stepmum, dh and kids. My sil was going to be with fil but is ill so we just called and invited him to come with us so he isn't alone. Don't really understand that thought process at all.

Yes I know that information.

So the son isn't bothered about seeing his dad in person !