To think "I grew up with X" is not accurate for only 6 years?

[CoffeePlantation]

A really petty and pointless post really. My DH moved from his birth country when he was 6. He'll often refer to himself 'growing up' with something from his birth country when in reality he only 'lived with / experienced it' for 6 years.

Example: "I grew up with 'X' food" When in reality he enjoyed that food for a few years, then moved and I know for a fact his mother would have never made it because she was not native to his birth country either.

What age would constitute a person growing up with something? I would say up until the age of at least 12 or 13.

AIBU to think 6 is too young to have 'grown up' with something?

YANBU really but you can't tell him he's wrong I guess. Maybe he still enjoyed those foods when he presumably moved countries with his mum who still cooked the same sort of foods but in the new country? Why does it bother you?

It’s fine for him to say this. He lived there. It’s not like a stop over on a long haul flight.

YABU and a bit rude. Why dismiss his experiences?

I think you're wrong. Up to 6 is the formative years of life and probably made a big impression. He did grow up with whatever he experienced in the years, as well as the other different things he experienced in the later years of his childhood.

I agree. Unless you feel he is a bit of a spoofer or exaggerator generally which can be annoying

Sounds like your DH feels connected to his heritage and has strong memories of his early years. I think it is petty to try and argue him out of such a harmless thing that he feels is part of who he is.

Why are you pushing this?

I understand the distinction you're making, and I do think it has an impact – but where does that leave those of us who lived in multiple countries during our childhood? Do we have to qualify it or give a potted history every time we refer to a childhood food/tradition/place/etc. that we feel this way about?

Personally, I like to be able to use the shorthand. If I'm talking to those who know me well, they know I don't mean for birth-18. If I'm talking to casual acquaintances, do they really need all the ins and outs?

I'm having a day where I find men and their ways annoying 🙄🙄 so yanbu 😄

It's his lived experience not yours. Interested as to why you are so bothered about it.

I think that's appropriate to say you 'grew up with' something you experienced in the very formative first six years. Why do you mind him saying it?

So what if he says it? Why does it bother enough to even give it a second thought?

I would say the memories of the 1st 6 years of someone's life are very important and deep rooted.
I would think someone, however lighthearted they said it, undermining or questioning them is rude, over opinionated and pretty heartless.

We left Scandinavian then our oldest two children were quite young.
They would say the same as your husband.

YABU, up to 6 can be pretty formative particularly with food. Why do you feel the need to police his thoughts about his childhood? Do you not like him generally?

It sounds like this person and place had a strong effect on him, he obviously felt the connection continued as he grew up. So in that sense he did grow up with it.

Is he dual nationality then? I have and feel the non UK culture very strongly even though I was born and grew up here. It is a part of you so of course you grow up with it. You can't deny him his heritage.

As an example if how deeply ingrained it is, when the Brexit vote result came in, I felt bereft. It was as if my EU heritage was being ripped out, it was visceral and really upsetting, as if a part of me had been chopped off.

My great-grandparents moved to the United States from Germany. My father and his siblings grew up with a lot of German foods and traditions, because their father had been raised with them. They never lived in Germany. 🤷‍♀️

I don't really understand why you would try to police someone's childhood.

I think you're being petty, like you say. Surely 'growing up' is a continuum? I think it is perfectly reasonable to refer to a fairly long segment of this period of time ‐the first 6 formative years of a person's life is hardly a two-week vacation‐ as a time during which you 'grew up'? For those of us who grew up in countries other than the UK, I'm pretty sure the experiences of those first years laid the foundations for our sense of cultural belonging.

What about seasonal aspects of growing up, such as foods and customs associated only with particular celebrations in the calendar which a child 'growing up' in a country might only have sampled or experienced once a year, so 13 times over your suggested stipulated 'growing up' period? A 13-year old child in my culture would eat crayfish 13 times in 13 years, but a 6-year old might eat dill-pickled herring for breakfast every Sunday morning, 312 times in all. I'd say both definitely qualify as having 'grown up with it'.

My mum was born in another country and moved to the UK when she was 8. She still has very many memories of her formative years and growing up there. I don't understand why you would want to question his description of his own experience!

I think you’re being mean. Everyone slightly exaggerates stuff to make themselves feel more interesting. You wouldn’t like it if he diminished your stories by putting quantitative limits on them.

I thought your point was going to be that no-one can have grown up with X as it hasn't been six years since it used to be Twitter 🙄

My DS is five and has definitely experienced things in the UK, especially things that concern children his age. If we moved country now, I think it would be reasonable for him to say he grew up with roast dinners / nursery system / British TV and so on. Perhaps more eyebrow raising to claim he grew up with particular bands he's too young to listen to.

My father has the opposite disagreement with his sisters. They say he grew up in the town they're all from. He says he didn't because he left when he was five. It can get really heated. I guess try and let it go, OP, but you're not unusual to feel strongly about this.

I know I'm being very petty. I think at the moment everything about him and how he treats me is annoying me, so minor things like this do as well.

I think someone else earlier up the thread summed it up when they said "Unless you feel he is a bit of a spoofer or exaggerator generally which can be annoying"

This is very accurate and probably what's driving it. He'll often diminish my thoughts or feeling/ms, but then exaggerate on his while diminishing mine in front of our children.

In an earlier conversation I somewhat referenced in my example DH said he'd grown up on a very country specific spread used on toast. It was not available in this country. His mother could not have made it. And is very traditional with the cooking of her own home country.

It's kind of like me saying "I grew up on Wagamamas or marmite" if I'd have moved abroad at 6years old.

As I said. I know I'm being very petty and it probably has more to do with the fact that anything he does or says annoys me at the moment. I'd never think the same thing if friend born in the Ukraine who moved to the UK at that same age and said similar.