To need a lot of alone time

[TopGalGotte]

I've always been happy in my own company, have always lived alone even though I've been in relationships. I have a good family and circle of friends, play tennis, which I love, so I've a fairly busy life with work etc. also.

Despite all this, I need a lot of time alone to recharge/read/ do nothing/walk. I've always been like this, but I feel even more as I've got older.

I also don't enjoy socialising with big groups - eg I enjoy playing tennis in a club but I don't enjoy the social evenings of around 100 people that happen a few times a year... prefer meeting up with a couple of people I'm friendliest with.

Another example - I'm spending Christmas day with family but I want Christmas eve to myself - which some people can't seem to understand!

AIBU and odd, or is it okay to be like this?

Very normal. I am the same I'd happily live in a cabin in the woods and see maybe a few people every now and then. I love time alone and that's when I recharge.

I have 3 young children two sen so everyday is a marathon of endurance for me. I would burn out very fast without time alone.

Totally ok & normal, and that’s why I just live with my cat.

I love socialising & I’m looking forward to a family Christmas, but I’m going to be desperate to get home to my nice quiet flat after a couple of days.

I think its also quite common in neurodiverse - I feel like you and was diagnosed with inattentive adhd in my 50s. big groups harder to work out social cues as well / sensory over load.

Agree with others, you’re an introvert and it’s normal. And it is not the same as being shy or being anti-social despite what people might have you believe. My siblings are extroverts and they cannot understand why I need to spend time on my own after being in a large group of people, despite me explaining 🙄 Enjoy your Christmas, it sounds lovely ☺️

Yeah this is me. I don't really care if people think it's boring or tragic, it's who I am and I like being by myself whenever I get chance. I can be sociable and I even enjoy it at times but I'm very much a homebody at heart and I just love shutting myself away and being alone.

YANBU. This is me! I have a 12 year old DD so have to force myself to be sociable sometimes.

I can relate to getting more so too as I get older. After a busy few weeks of work and school and yesterday seeing a show in London, today has been so good to just decompress at home.

I love staying in on NYE now and I think its very difficult for others to understand this if you’re not like this!

Yes, fellow homebody here. I love not having plans sometimes to be busy, busy or on the go constantly, even though I have a good social life.

This is also my favourite NYE activity!

Me too!
I live with DH but have own room and spend loads of time in my own company, since DC left home. I absolutely love it. Since Covid I’ve been able to realise it’s ok to be an introvert and I don’t feel the overwhelming need to mask all the time anymore. Just accept the good fortune in being able to have your own time I know it was a long time coming for me!

I am happily married with DC. But my absolute bliss is having the house to myself for an afternoon. I don't do anything in particular, its just the feeling of freedom.

I did live on my own after my first marriage broke down and I really enjoyed it. I felt in charge of my life. It didn't always go well and I needed family help a couple of times, but even so it was me asking and sorting it out. I know that if anything happened to DH and DS, I would if course be devastated and miss them terribly, but I would be OK living on my own.

You are not at all unreasonable, most of us do need some space to ourselves.

I hear you. Was with 13 family members yesterday and I've done not a lot today as I'm so drained from it.

You're not odd. I'm exactly the same.

I need a lot of alone time. My ideal day is having nothing to do and pottering around the house by myself. But I am also pretty sociable, I enjoy talking and people think I talk a lot! I like being around people, and my job is also very sociable. I just need periods of alone time too.

I have finished teaching for the tw and have just bailed on three nights worth of outings a couldn’t cope with any of them. The drive to be quiet and on my own was just so huge. I am always a better person if I am allowed to recharge on my own and decompress.

I’m introverted too @TopGalGotte but it’s slightly different for me. I live alone and really don’t like sharing my space; work and having to interact with family is exhausting for me and I don’t have a social life . I can do the odd coffee or spend 1:1 time with very old friends. Caveat - except when now adult DC were at home, never resented sharing with them

You are completely normal OP 😊

I'm both. I'm an only child and for 15 years worked totally alone. HAppy with the radio. I also love socialising and have always had a large group of friends, but never really a best friend
But I found when I had an office job and we'd be away working/socialising being together for most of the day and night, I'd have to take a walk on my own after a couple of days
It's normal

You're an introvert. Welcome to the club! There's a great book called Quiet:The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I highly recommend it.

You should be able to change your vote by clicking the other option 🙂

Me too.
I'm astounded how I ended up with a partner, child, huge amount of ILs and different friendship groups that often seem constantly on rotation.
It's so draining. I don't enjoy being around other people that much if truth be told. I love being by myself. I don't get sick of it ever.

I think your life style sound great. I would like that. Enjoy it.

No YANBU at all. Very normal for an introvert.

Im similar. I need a lot of alone time, and if I don’t get it, I end up sitting up late like now!

I found it hard when I had small children for this reason.

Totally normal. Being around other people can feel quite exhausting to navigate different energies, personas and sometimes agendas.
You may feel like you want to protect yourself and your own energy by minimising unnecessary social situations. You don't conform to societies expectations or normalisation of the need to constantly stimulate social behaviours.
Sometimes the best time spent is alone, besides, when you feel ready and comfortable you have plenty of time to be a social butterfly if that is what you desire, but for now, you are happy in your own company which is the most important thing ❤️

Yes, I'd never get sick of it either. I read a lot, so love having lots of time for this

I don't get sick of it either.. I love my own company and NEVER get bored.
I wasn't an only child but my siblings were much older so not around and I was alone a lot playing. So made my own fun. Is this the same for anyone else?
Wondering how much is nature va nurture.
I'm fascinated by human behaviour so I've asked a few extroverts why they love being around people so much and they say they don't like their own company and like to fill the space so they aren't alone with their own thoughts too long. Or they don't have much talk in their own heads.

I am the same.

I find socialising totally draining. I need a lot of time of my own.

I assume it is an introvert, and in my case neurodivergent, trait.

I really don't care what other people think about it!

It is just what comes naturally to me and I no longer try to go against it.