Mum being asleep when I arrive

[Confused228]

I don't see my mum that much because she lives really far away but she is staying in an air b and b over Christmas (I live in a tiny one bed so she can't stay with me unfortunately)
My mum has napped every day since we were kids.
I arrange to go and see her today, spoke at 9am this morning and arranged for me to arrive at 3pm and I get a message saying she will be asleep and can I let myself in.
AIBU to be a bit upset by this? I'm feeling crap today anyway and wouldn't you just make sure that if you invited people over you would be awake? She doesn't work or have any dependents or anything so can sleep any time.

I’d just tell her to let me know when she’s awake and I’ll come over then. I couldn’t be arsed with waiting for her to wake up!

I mean a lot depends on context here.

She's 95 and frail and has come to see you and is staying on her own as you can't host - get over yourself

She's 50 and healthy - bit rude.

My mum napped all the time when I was growing up. Looking back it was weird

She's 60 and fit and well.

She’s done it her whole life. She clearly needs it. Just let yourself in, read a book with a cup of tea. I don’t know why this is an issue- it’s a known entity

My dad can't miss his nap at all or he gets unsteady and over tired later on in the day. Perhaps your mum is the same. Lots of folks need to nap.

What a waste of time! I would much rather just come over when they know they’ll be awake.

She’s done her time, let her be! I’m sure she’ll get up when you arrive. Sheesh. I reckon it takes the stress off as at least she won’t be waiting for you so if you get there late no big deal.

How can you just let yourself in OP? It’s an Airb&b.. Is she leaving it unlocked whilst she sleeps? Confused because she’d have to get up to let you in, is what I mean.

She leaves the door open

You know she takes a daily nap, this isn’t news to you, just work around it,

I don't understand why if she knew I was coming at 3pm she couldn't have had her nap at literally any other time before that.

Why? I nap many days. Why is this weird? I need a lot of sleep

Because she isn’t tired enough to need it earlier, and if she has it later she won’t sleep at night. That should be pretty obvious, surely?

You could equally say ‘if she’s having a nap at 3 I will go round earlier/later or literally any other time than that’.

Yes admittedly I sometimes do but in my mums case it sadly went hand in hand with a general picture of abuse and neglect so I’m more likely to see it in the neglect context

she’d also declare sometimes when I was a child that she wanted to move back to the rural area where she was from because

“I want to be in my own “

On * not in

Let it be. Not worth any dramas. 🤷‍♀️

Some people nap every day, me included, I will often just fall asleep on the sofa usually at the same sort of time every day. Lots of us just need a nap 😅

It's odd she's happy to nap at a time she knows you are coming and is happy to leave the door unlocked. If she needs a nap at 3, surely you should just go after when she's awake.

I would have just replied "oh I will come later then after your nap".

It's obviously history now but I'd have slammed the door really loudly 😳😆

Maybe 3pm is her regular nap time?

Just go later.

No idea who the people are who’ve voted YABU - do they really feel it’s perfectly acceptable to invite a person at a set time and fuck off to bed for nap before they arrive? Really?

You know she naps every day yet decided to arrive during nap time. What did you expect. Her body is clearly used to this pattern and needs it.

I agree with this, but ‘nap people’ are very obstinate about said naps. Think there’s a full divide between nappers and non-nappers - personally beyond illness and/or being elderly I don’t see why a grown adult needs daily naps, certainly to the point where you would carry on even knowing you have visitors. It’s odd behaviour to me, I think the op is quite right to be peeved her mum won’t either skip a shuteye or do so before she arrives.