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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do your DC give presents to the adults?

56 replies

ChristmasQuest · 22/12/2024 12:45

Wrapping all the gifts today. Will take the kids (3 and 6) to family for Christmas on Christmas Eve. They will be the only young kids there. There will be about 10 adults and 3 teenagers.

And struck me that my DC are about to be given a bunch of stuff but they haven't 'bought' anyone else anything.

I got them keyrings to give to each other but although I've bought plenty of the adults presents, I haven't got anything from the kids to all the adults there.

Do you get presents from the young kids to the adults? Am I being OTT to think I might go get something with them today so they actually they are just receipitants of stuff?

OP posts:
DangerMouseAndPenfoldx · 22/12/2024 12:47

They do now that they are older teens, but when they were younger we would give from the family rather than from individuals.

Papetube · 22/12/2024 12:47

As long as there are gifts from you as a family to those giving to the children, I think that's fine.

Miloarmadillo2 · 22/12/2024 12:49

I wouldn’t if you have already got presents for others from your family. As they get a bit older introduce them choosing their own small presents for you, DH, their siblings.

evtheria · 22/12/2024 12:52

Generally no, but my DS10 gives:
• a little edible treat (fancy chocs) to the grandparents
• a gift to his dad - I take him shopping for it (and DP does vice versa)

We've also done a big tray of baked goods when we were seeing lots of people & kids on the day, DS loved making them and they were nearly all gone that day!
EG. Classic choc chip cookies, 'peppermint bark', fudge, Christmassy breakfast bars (flapjacks with spices, blood orange icing drizzle, and nuts), toasted spicy nuts mix in a glass jar with hand decorated label...

Commonsense22 · 22/12/2024 12:53

Getting to shop for our own Christmas presents was a big part of Christmas excitement for me growing from maybe the age of 10.
We'd bring our picket money and my parents would give us 45 min to roam in the supermarket/ shopping centre. Then they'd drive us back.

At first it was literally 1 pound gifts then a bit more as we grew. It's lovely to get involved in giving.

However if you're the one buying the gifts I don't see the point.

biscuitsandbooks · 22/12/2024 12:54

I think three is a little young, but from the age of about five, I would be taken by my dad to pick out something for my mum, and vice versa.

From about nine, I was given money and sent into a local shop to pick something out myself, and then from about 12 I was expected to budget from my pocket money to buy a little gift for my parents.

My extended family were all overseas so we never did gift-giving.

SeaToSki · 22/12/2024 12:55

I think its important for dc to learn to give as well as to get at Xmas. Its a useful way to build empathy. I would take dc out for a special shopping trip to just buy for each other and family members..we would sit down before and have a chat about each person and what kind of present they might like, so I could steer away from ‘flying car’ and such like. We often got food gifts when the dc were v little as that was easier for dc to think about. It was also a good way to talk about how much things cost and budgeting as they got older.
Last year dc all went on a road trip on Xmas Eve to Walmart (we live in the US) for a massive festive shopping trip for each other. They said it was one of the highlights of the season for them. I also have one dc that is v good at crafts, amd she often makes gifts for people

RedPanda17 · 22/12/2024 12:56

I get nothing from my nephews and nieces despite me being a generous present giver. Just a token present would be nice.

Kensingswell · 22/12/2024 12:59

Our family don't do any presents at all other than santa. And a book to anyone else visiting.

I am relieved not to be in the habit of tat no one needs.

BananaBananaBananaOrange · 22/12/2024 12:59

No. DC buy for their dad (XH) and me. In my family, we don't do gifts for adults anymore so it would be irrelevant.

One of my aunts still sends something to my teens, but I only send her a card.

As a teenager, I might have bought something for my grandparents if we were seeing them, but only once I had a weekend job and my own money.

When we did do adult gifts, I put "from all our names" on the tag.

DangerMouseAndPenfoldx · 22/12/2024 13:01

RedPanda17 · 22/12/2024 12:56

I get nothing from my nephews and nieces despite me being a generous present giver. Just a token present would be nice.

Do your siblings not get anything for you?

mindutopia · 22/12/2024 13:02

No, just thanks. Obviously, we give joint presents to family from Dh and I (so I guess they are sort of from dc as well). But actually I kinda hate the materialism of it all. I think we all probably need to give fewer gifts not more. Just thanks and appreciation I think is enough. It certainly would be for me as an adult.

Original poster
ChristmasQuest · 22/12/2024 13:03

RedPanda17 · 22/12/2024 12:56

I get nothing from my nephews and nieces despite me being a generous present giver. Just a token present would be nice.

Exactly - I guess that's what I mean - so I may have bought Aunt Shirely (made up name) a nice cooking book from us a family - but Aunt Shirely has bought me, my husband, and my two kids presents - and probably gone OTT with the kids. So she is probably buying 6 presents or so for our family, and she's just one present from all of us.

I'm going to take them out and get them to buy some stuff - even if I give them a tenner and we buy some chocs, nice oils etc from the supermarket.

It's both about teaching the kids to give, but also that childfree adults get shortchanged somewhat!

OP posts:
RedPanda17 · 22/12/2024 13:06

DangerMouseAndPenfoldx · 22/12/2024 13:01

Do your siblings not get anything for you?

Show quote history

No, we decided a few years ago that adults don't need to buy for each other. I'm fine with that, but now the kids are a bit older it would be lovely to have a gift from them, especially a home made one as someone's DC uptrend does.

SquigglePigs · 22/12/2024 13:16

Yes, DD does. She's six now but since she was two and has been able to understand the concept, she has chosen, wrapped and given presents to her grandparents and aunt who we see at Christmas. Usually some nice chocolates or something and obviously we steer her a little towards what they would like. We do the same for their birthdays.

We also encourage her to choose a small gift for me and DH for birthdays, Christmas and Mother's/Father's Day. Each parent takes her shopping for the gift for the other one. As she gets older she's choosing more and more on her own. This did lead to DH getting a big fluffy pink rabbit for his birthday last year!

It's definitely a good thing for her to start thinking about gifts for people. Her grandparents bring her little presents back from their holidays and when we were on holiday over the summer she suggested picking out little presents to take home for them.

She also helps with suggestions of what her friends would like as presents when she goes to birthday parties.

I've always thought it best that this is something she's just always been used to doing, rather than suddenly introducing the expectation when she's older.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 22/12/2024 13:18

Of course, and always have done. Obviously my mum arranged the presents but there was always something for me to give each adult and as I got older I would choose the presents. Most of the time it is just a small token something

MayaPinion · 22/12/2024 13:25

My kids have always bought us gifts. It’s part of the fun for them. One year I got two packets of Aldi Salt and Vinegar crisps! They loved watching us open them.

Overthebow · 22/12/2024 13:30

Yes, mine are only young but I do get them something to give to the adults on Christmas Day. Just small things like chocolates but they like giving them.

Rainingandlookslikeitwillneverstop · 22/12/2024 13:33

Initially - We tended to give gifts from us as a family to other adults - we’d do the shopping snd they’d ‘help’ with the wrapping - we’d bget the kids to hand them over to family.

once they were about 7 onwards we’d take them to £land (where everything at that time was actually £1!!!!!) and get them to chose one thing each for grandad, nana etc… it was really good for them to think about others and we’d have great decisions from them - although only little inexpensive things - often chocolate or a tree decoration or mug etc - it was genuinely from them and they really did try to think about what each person liked.

always encouraged them to craft something for family too or draw a homemade card - think it’s nice for kids to think about others and to learn the joy of giving not just receiving.

adults now and they work & sort their own gifts but I’m glad we established the spirit if giving early .

BarbaraHoward · 22/12/2024 13:36

Yes of course! I think it's really important they learn to give as well as receive from a young age. They get presents for their grandparents, we discuss together what to get and they help wrap. I'll see an aunt who will give them a selection box so we'll give her a box of chocolates as a family.

I feel quite sorry for the aunt in your description! Unless your parent (their sibling) is similarly generous to her children and grandchildren and that's how the reciprocity works.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 22/12/2024 13:37

We buy something from the kids to grandparents but not other adults. We just put the gift from the 4 of us.

when I was a kid, my parents labelled presents from all of us. Then when I was a teen and had a weekend job I started buying small gifts myself.

WaveNeverBreaking · 22/12/2024 13:41

Mine have since old enough to have an understanding of giving and receiving.

Originally, I gave them a £10 budget each, helped them to decide who to buy for (around age 3). Now, age 10 and 12, I match whatever they save from their pocket money (so if they've saved £20, they have £40 to spend) and escort them around town for the afternoon. We go to the markets and have lunch, maybe go on a fairground ride or too. It's one of our favourite Christmas traditions. I've made them wrap it up from about 5 years, too.

HPandthelastwish · 22/12/2024 13:43

Yes always, I used to just take her to Poundland or similar and buy things she thought they would like.

One year she wanted to make them all pick and mix cups so we did this with plastic cups with lids and put a bow around it and she decorated each cup with stickers.

Admittedly though it's only my parents and brother if it was less close family I might have done something better from her but she really enjoyed picking things out.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 22/12/2024 13:44

My nieces and nephews don’t - their parents feel it detracts from “their” day (only the kids get presents in my family).

AutoP1lot · 22/12/2024 13:54

Yes, ours always have done. I will take them to pick a little something for DH, and vice versa, they also pick out bits for other close relatives. Obviously strongly guided by us but with mostly free reigh now they're older. They love handing their gifts over.

This year DD (9) has got
posh coffee beans for her dad
Keyring with her own design for her aunt
Mugs with her own design for her other aunt & uncle
Notepad with her own design for GPs

DS (11) has got
craft beers for his dad
mug featuring her favourite musician for his aunt
intensive hand cream for other aunt & uncle (they work outdoors)
Favourite sweets for grandparents

Can't wait to see what they've got me!