Do your DC give presents to the adults?

[ChristmasQuest]

Wrapping all the gifts today. Will take the kids (3 and 6) to family for Christmas on Christmas Eve. They will be the only young kids there. There will be about 10 adults and 3 teenagers.

And struck me that my DC are about to be given a bunch of stuff but they haven't 'bought' anyone else anything.

I got them keyrings to give to each other but although I've bought plenty of the adults presents, I haven't got anything from the kids to all the adults there.

Do you get presents from the young kids to the adults? Am I being OTT to think I might go get something with them today so they actually they are just receipitants of stuff?

Yep, just because it's fun for the kids to choose the gifts! My 3 teens do that themselves with their own money but we make it a whole big Christmas shopping thing with the younger ones and it makes them feel grown up. We let them wrap the presents themselves too which doesn't always work out great..

That must feel quite hurtful.

We didn’t do that because we gave bigger gifts as a family eg my DB would get several gifts from us as a family, and he would buy mostly for the kids and a “token” thing for me and DH. I know it’s not about the value of gifts but I guess the total value of presents exchanged between the households was about the same.

I think if the adults aren’t buying for each other then something should be given from the children to the people who are buying for them.

Yes
When they were pre-schoolers, they would "make" something but I tried to make sure it included a gift rather than complete tat so, for example, one year the DC decorated an empty container and filled it with Lindt truffles, another year it was a container which we planted with bulbs etc
Since primary, they have been taken to the confectionary and gift aisles of the supermarket and told to choose something for each of the grandparents & other relatives and then people like the childminder. It got quite heated between them one year whether the childminder would prefer matchmakers or after eights as they knew she liked mint chocolates. It's a been a cheap and easy way for them to put a bit of thought into Christmas

From about 3 my dc were allowed to choose whatever they wanted for me, their dad and grandparents from the £1 shop. They absolutely loved it and the presents were usually hilarious! My friend took my dc round the shop and helped with the wrapping and I did the same for her dc. It was really good fun and everyone loved their random gifts!

We also did homemade gifts and cards with wee handprints etc.

Yes, but just their grandparents. It's become a tradition for my older 2 who are 13 and 16 to go Christmas shopping together. They only buy very small gifts but I think it's a nice thing especially for sibling relations!

Madness. No adult expects a present from a child.

Don't you think that children need to learn about giving presents? Mine are so excited to give out their presents. 6yo made DH a tea light holder in school, she hasn't said a word to him about it and is so proud of her secret. It's lovely.

ETA that they've also picked presents for each other and done a pretty good job.

All those threads we see about people being upset that their teenager hasn't got them anything for their birthday, this is where it starts.

It's important to teach them that it's about giving as well as receiving, and they love being involved. It isn't about cost, it doesn't matter if it's a packet of chocolate biscuits, they choose it with love and are excited to give it.

I don’t think that’s entirely true. Anecdotally, I have two older teens who are very considerate, including choosing and buying very thoughtful gifts for friends and family. But when they were small we simply included them in the gifts given from family. They didn’t start buying presents themselves until tween/teen years.

Small children can still participate without it having to be a separated gift they have bought, wrapped and handed over themselves. It’s just about communication and helping them be aware of what’s going on (and particularly that people shouldn’t be left out).

Always took my children from a young age to pick up something with pocket money for my siblings & parents.
siblings & now grandchildren now grown, ranging from 11 to 19 years, never ever received even a box of chocolates from them! Makes me a little sad that the parents have never taught them to buy a little token gift. Hey ho 🤷‍♀️

We gift as a family.

DS8 chooses something for his dad that I help him with, and something for me that DH helps him with, he also gets a gift for his GPs. At the moment we pay for them but he helps to wrap them and write the tags. DH and I discussed that next year we would start getting him to contribute to the cost - he has plenty of pocket money and mostly doesn’t spend it! We don’t do gifts from him to his uncles and aunts, despite them getting him one - but I never did growing up either, just parents, my own siblings and GPs. Then when I was secondary school age, school friends as well.

I think it’s important to model gift giving from a young age. My niece and nephew are now young adults and they have never bought gifts for their GPs, who are very generous to them, which I think is a bit off.

We do a secret santa for extended family, that way all the adults only need to buy one gift each. We usually take a gift for each of the dc there as well.
It makes it so much easier.

I think it’s important to give children the chance to experience present giving, as soon as they’re old enough to understand the concept of gifts, which yours are.
I’d take them to the supermarket and ask them to choose a tube of sweets / bar of chocolate for the teens and maybe a box of chocs for the adults to share per family unit. Let them help you wrap it / write the label / pick a gift bag.

@BarbaraHoward no I really don't. Homemade from school is lovely for a parent to receive.

But giving a child money to buy chocolates for a random aunt just because they are receiving a toy is just nonsense.

My DD is 16 and has told me that this year she has bought us a Xmas present. This is lovely, she has used her allowance to do so. But I would never ever expect a present from my child. Never. And we never bought presents for the other parent from the child either.

@Squidgemoon but presumably the parents buy presents for the grandparents so why would the children give a gift?

Why is it nonsense to understand "aunt Mildred will get you a Christmas present, what would you like to give aunt Mildred"?

Ours buy for us, each other, grandparents and a random aunt. Our money obviously and supervised choices.

I've got a lot of nieces and nephews and must have spent hundreds on them over the years, but have never thought about receiving something from them. I wasn't doing it to get something in return, and I really dislike the tit for tat giving of presents at Christmas where I'd end up with a candle or socks I don't need.

Thankfully my wider family decided not to do presents a few years ago so we all just buy for our own children these days. I do sometimes think I pulled the short straw in being the last child so my own children never had as much as my nieces and nephews though!

Our teemage dc have started buying presents for each other and for me and dh in the last few years. However, presents for the wider family are from the four of us collectively. Same from them to us.

They choose DH and I a small present and then we buy them (They are 4 and 8, they don't have much money of their own!)

Gifts for the grandparents come from us as a family.

Our DC (primary age) buy things for each other and make things for me and DH. They don’t get presents for extended family but we don’t do much gift exchanging with extended family anyway - mostly just nieces and nephews who do the same as us.

We would buy from the family, but I would always spend a little extra on the adults as for a time they were buying for us and the children so I always made sure they got something nice, or an extra token from the kids as well as a family gift.

I don’t think anyone minded, they enjoyed buying for the children and it was never discussed.

As a family we now agree to only do kids presents apart from to spouses or parents. Luckily our siblings and my best friend all have same number of kids as us so it doesn't feel unbalanced. I do have one aunt who also sends the kids vouchers, but we agreed no adult presents and a charity donation instead with that side if the family years ago. It's very much her choice to send knowing she won't receive back.

The kids names will be on all the presents we buy. For DH and the grandparents we usually get them more than one thing and put the kids names (jointly) on one of the things. We'll discuss with the kids what that is. We also put their names on one gift each to each other, generally picked from what we've brought for them. However, I do think we should probably start giving them more ownership of the process to get them in the gift giving mind set more.

I don't think adults want more gifts, but giving something personal is nice. If you don't have time this year then don't worry, just plan for next year.

Before starting school, DS would paint a picture for each adult. Largely crap, but often got stuck on fridges or walls for a bit. School do a cup, coaster, teatowel or whatever with something the kids drew, so that's nice to buy for a gift from younger ones (especially with term ending too late for much xmas prep). I've also done photo fridge magnets of family in the past, which were nice and seem to still be used. From other family with slightly older kids we've been given baked items, much better quality paintings, a knitted scarf and other homemade items.

From when he first got pocket money, I've had DS buy a gift for us for birthdays, and he voluntarily bought an xmas gift just for me last year and this year (he suggested Daddy use his bank card to get something because "I need the rest for mini-golf and lego"). Unusable stuff when he picked entirely on his own at the xmas fair, but he was so pleased with himself that I've pretended to use it. He picks gifts for his friends and young cousins, and we help him buy other gifts for each other and pay for them. I've no idea if this will help him give us gifts long-term, time will tell!