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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday plans husband says I've planned it wrong way round

68 replies

Jobsharenightmare · 21/12/2024 21:14

I've arranged a surprise for my husband's big birthday soon. I have ended up telling him vaguely what's planned because he suddenly announced he'd like to arrange something.

He knows we're doing an activity and has said he thinks that should come first. He doesn't know it's an escape room with a welcome drink. So I guess he may think it's something like bowling/axe throwing/crazy golf etc all of which are within a 30 min drive. Just in case this is relevant...

I could possibly change the plan if I'm voted U here. Currently it's pre-dinner drinks at 6, seated at 7, escape room at 9 then cocktails at 10.30 for anyone who is staying over.

YABU: It should be escape room, dinner then cocktails
YANBU: people want to eat first right?

OP posts:
BobbyDazzler11 · 21/12/2024 21:20

@Jobsharenightmare we have always done activities like escape rooms first then dinner. If I was really fully up and tipsy, I'd want to skip the escape room!

poormenagain · 21/12/2024 21:20

What you have planned is fine. When you invite people, you could tell them the estimated time frames - which isn't 100% necessary but may be useful if anyone's diabetic, hypoglycemic, etc. Also, stop telling him details of your plans if they are supposed to be a surprise. Just tell him to be free at the time.

Mudflaps · 21/12/2024 21:22

Activity first, dinner after. If I went for dinner first I wouldn't want to rush it for an activity.

TTPDTS · 21/12/2024 21:22

I wouldn't want to do an escape room on a full stomach! We always do it first then go for a meal after, in the escape room we're all rushing about looking under / over things - wouldn't work well if we'd just had a sit down meal and cocktails.

Annabella92 · 21/12/2024 21:23

Activity first

Dishwashersaurous · 21/12/2024 21:24

I'd assume activity and then dinner. Mainly because I'd like a glass or wine, or two or three with the meal and most escape room places have really strict rules about not being allowed to participate if any of the party seem inebriated. And it's possible that someone might be a bit tipsy and then won't be allowed in.

Leeds2 · 21/12/2024 21:25

I don’t think what you have planned is unreasonable. But, if I were a guest, I would prefer to do the activity, change for dinner, have cocktails and then a long leisurely dinner.

noworklifebalance · 21/12/2024 21:25

Activity first

Papetube · 21/12/2024 21:25

Activity first

DappledThings · 21/12/2024 21:25

Escape room first. That has a fixed timing anyway. Nobody wants to be eating dinner watching the clock because they're off somewhere else at a set time.

And a physical activity after a big dinner isn't appealing.

cariadlet · 21/12/2024 21:26

Dinner and escape room both sound great but I'd prefer to do the escape room first.

You need to be mentally alert for an escape room; that wouldn't be me after dinner, especially if I'd had a few drinks.

Although it's not exactly a physical activity, you do walk around a lot, hunting for clues. Again, not what I'd fancy after a nice dinner.

Mumofteenandtween · 21/12/2024 21:27

I would not have a fixed time for activity after (what should be) a lovely dinner. You will just be stressed about making it on time. 2 hours should be plenty but with a group you may end up with Susie who can’t decide what to eat and then Derek who definitely wants a pudding (but nips off to the loo just as the waitress comes over) and the 3 people who fancy a coffee (but didn’t think to order it with the pudding.)

It will be like herding cats!

Lovelysummerdays · 21/12/2024 21:30

Mumofteenandtween · 21/12/2024 21:27

I would not have a fixed time for activity after (what should be) a lovely dinner. You will just be stressed about making it on time. 2 hours should be plenty but with a group you may end up with Susie who can’t decide what to eat and then Derek who definitely wants a pudding (but nips off to the loo just as the waitress comes over) and the 3 people who fancy a coffee (but didn’t think to order it with the pudding.)

It will be like herding cats!

Or it’ll go the other way and the restaurant will have you back out in an hour with nothing to do but go to the pub.

Dishwashersaurous · 21/12/2024 21:31

And also if service is slow, or people want to order desert etc then you are going to be clock watching all through the meal.

Also 7 at is pretty early

cannynotsay · 21/12/2024 21:32

He's right!

Summerbay23 · 21/12/2024 21:35

Activity first so can relax and take as long as you want over dinner.

gamerchick · 21/12/2024 21:36

Absolutely no way I'd want to do an escape room on a full stomach and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to take the risk of more alcohol they'll let you in for.

AhBiscuits · 21/12/2024 21:37

Definitely activity first.

Coconutter24 · 21/12/2024 21:37

I’d prefer activity then dinner

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 21/12/2024 21:39

I'd rather do the activity first. Dinner could over run and I wouldn't want to rush because food had come out late. I would be able to chill more if we were eating after activity.

FrogsLoveRain · 21/12/2024 21:40

Activity then dinner. Also gives a topic of conversation over dinner. Then let the drinks flow.

If dinner first you're always watching the clock

Popskipiekin · 21/12/2024 21:41

Always fun to have activity first which you can then dissect over dinner. If you weren’t going to be having a welcome drink at the escape room I would have maybe suggested meeting for one drink beforehand to warm everyone up rather than go in cold. But welcome drink sounds good. Enjoy the escape room and then have fun discussing after.

Figgygal · 21/12/2024 21:51

Activity then dinner imo

StampOnTheGround · 21/12/2024 21:54

Activity first!

Cakeandcardio · 21/12/2024 21:54

I hate doing activity first. I feel I can't enjoy it as I am looking forward to eating. So always dinner first. But I seem to be in the minority!