To be fed up of friends negative comments?

[dfleutr]

I decided to go blonde two years ago, wasn’t a great decision as it took a long time to get to the specific shade I wanted and it was expensive.

Tired of toning my hair every week. I decided to go back to my natural colour and I got extensions and I felt fantastic.

Met up with friends last night and it was the first time seeing me with dark hair. Everyone said it was lovely and friend mumbled it was nice.

Later on she brought up my hair and said “but all that money you spent on going blonde” … I’m well aware of how much k spent and I also had it for 2 years and very much felt done.

I don’t need compliments and being told it looked nice for a good enough comment for me, but it frustrated me it had to be followed up with something negative. She’s done this quite a few times.

It took you two years at £300 a month to go blonde?

You’ve been well and truly mugged off.

The people on MN never disappoint. Only here can your reality be consistently denied 😆.

You don't like it because she has form. Your instinct picked up something in her comment. It is snide tbh. Whether it's intentional to make you feel bad or is she just thoughtless, only you know. I can't tell from that alone. Some people are just tactless rather than being cruel.

The best response to this is to either pretend you didn't hear it and start talking about something else or if you have to say something just say, erm yep. That's enough and then move on.

I think it's more that in real life people aren't friends with people that they actually don't seem to like.

Whereas on mumsnet it seems to be completely normal to spend time with and consider people friends that you don't actually like

OP, surely the only person who cares about your hair is you, I really don’t think your friends feel that deeply about what colour your hair is…

You’re missing the point.

At no point have I said anyone cares what hair colour I have. If you think this is about colour then the point has been painfully missed.

What is this about then? Seeing as me and everyone else on this thread has ‘painfully missed the point’

Could you explain how you were spending 300 every week on your hair, what exactly were you doing?

Thank the Lord for you! I thought I was going crazy with these responses.

I have a friend that changes their car constantly. If I see she has a new car, I’ll just say “ooh like the new car”. I don’t then randomly say an hour later “but you spent so much on your last car”.

I’m just happy for my friend that she’s changed her car. I don’t need to randomly follow it up an hour later saying “but you spent so much on your last car”

Never said I spent £300 a week on my hair.

No thankfully a handful of people have got it. I just genuinely have zero idea why you think I believe my friend cares what hair colour I have.

But £300 a month on your hair is ridiculous, if a friend mentioning your hair an hour later is all your have to worry about in life then it sounds like you’re doing pretty well!

@dfleutr do you feel like you have entered the third dimension reading these posts? 😆 I have to question whether I've taken too many painkillers sometimes on here 🤷‍♀️.

I have a friend like this. She really is just tactless and not cruel or bitchy as such. There's others who are though. Trust your instincts.

With people like this you have to be very confident and self assured in their presence which is not always easy!

And yep, I would say the same as you in that example. I have put my foot in it before and know I'm genuinely not being a bitch. You have to trust your gut with this one as only you will know the intent.

Darling I think one person has understood you, congratulations 😃

Can you share any other examples of comments she's made to justify if you are being unreasonable or not?

I know what point you are trying to make but based on the example alone, I don't see her comment as a negative one and purely an observation.

The people on MN never disappoint. Only here can your reality be consistently denied

But not everyone has the best take on reality…

I have a friend that changes their car constantly. If I see she has a new car, I’ll just say “ooh like the new car”. I don’t then randomly say an hour later “but you spent so much on your last car”.
I’m just happy for my friend that she’s changed her car. I don’t need to randomly follow it up an hour later saying “but you spent so much on your last car”

The point is her commenting that you spent a lot doesn’t mean she isn’t happy for you….

If this is the poster I think it is, she posts repeatedly about her hair and appearance and has some fairly serious health issues.

It's a small micro aggression. Some people regularly do the down side in most conversations. Sometimes they are glass half empty people, I'm guilty of it sometimes. I'd not fall out with her over this one though. If you have your reasons then just give them and she might stop doing it at some point.

There will be more to this person and OP is just trying to figure it out. The best thing OP can do is just trust her instincts. I think she knows based on friends' form that she more than this example says things that are slightly off.

The OP hasn’t given any other examples though. Plenty of people misjudge things and have the wrong instincts, just look at the relationship board!

Definitely 😂.

We used to be such good friends. Then I just saw a really competitive side to her. It almost felt like if I ever got anything new then she would need to get it but better.

She looked terrified when I said I had a new job and instantly asked about my salary. 🤦‍♀️

I probably would have ended the friendship a while ago but it’s a group and I love the other two and I don’t get to see them that often as they both live a few hours away.

I spent lots of time yesterday doing my hair and makeup and selecting an outfit I’d never have previously worn. Which has been rare for me for a while but last night I just felt so confident (whereas usually I want to feel invisible) and then I just felt she was trying to make me feel bad about changing my hair colour because I’d spent money on being another colour. I just don’t get why saying it looks nice wasn’t enough? I felt like there didn’t need to be a mention of it again later on in the night.

People get irritated by friends saying stuff but sometimes they’re just making conversation. It does make sense that you spent a lot getting your hair the other colour so maybe they’re wondering if you really like your hair or it just had to be done

If a friend secretly didn’t like me I would assume it would be more obvious than complimenting me & commenting on the cost of something 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yeah I just simply stated that I’d been blonde for two years and it was time for a change. I won’t fall out with her over it. I just wish I was better at not letting it bother me.