'Age' cards - good or bad?

WilfredsPies · 21/12/2024 16:12

Just wondering if you would feel completely deflated and upset if someone sent you an 'age' card pointing out how old / decrepit / incapable in body and mind you now are, or if you'd fall about laughing???

Neither. I’m not so sensitive that a mass produced sentiment on a birthday card has the power to upset me, and you’d have to have a low bar for humour to fall about laughing. I’d just be happy that someone had taken the time to sort me out a card.

And I don’t think that you can compare cancer, a bastard of a disease that affects all ages, to old age; something that lots of us would be happy to reach. I think that’s actually quite a shitty comparison to make.

ginasevern · 21/12/2024 16:18

I don't like them either. They were a bit of a novelty when they first started to appear I suppose but they've been done to death for 30 odd years. I think you need to know the person really well to send one and also be of a similar age with a similar sense of humour (if you can call it that). I don't buy them but if I did I wouldn't send one to someone in ill health or who wasn't ageing well for whatever reason. I don't think you could make age a protected characteristic in this context though unless (perhaps?) you could prove that the card was sent maliciously or as a deliberate act of discrimination, such as an obvious ageist campaign by your works manager. There are cards with all sorts of things on them, such as taking the micky out of someone's ability at golf or bad cooking or alcohol consumption. Do you view these as discriminatory? Because in a way they are too. Where do we draw the line?

CactusUmbrella · 21/12/2024 16:29

I think your comparison of age to cancer is pretty grim, tbh.

You're wrong, in my opinion.

Original poster

IfitsNotoverItsNottheEnd · 21/12/2024 16:30

Not meant to be shitty, but to point out that why can one thing (e.g. cancer) be on no-one's card list, but age and infirmity is? In neither scenario is the person to blame.

I agree with you that getting older is a blessing when other's don't. However, I'll stick to my guns and continue not sending 'age' cards to anyone and binning the ones I receive very quickly.

If you love/like someone enough to send a card in the first place, why do it with a crappy, soul-destroying message?

OP posts:

Livinginadream · 21/12/2024 16:34

If you love/like someone enough to send a card in the first place, why do it with a crappy, soul-destroying message?

To make them laugh. It's fine that you don't find them funny and it's fine that you won't send them. But to feel offended by them is a bit much. People aren't sending them to hurt you, they are sending them to make light of aging and to make you laugh...unless they are a twat....most people aren't twats thought.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 21/12/2024 16:35

I think it depends on the relationship between the sender and the receiver.

My dad in his 70's has a good sense of humour and would see the funny side of a card telling him he is an old fart.

My ain't who is a similar age would be offended.

Surely it's about knowing your audience.

Neither view is wrong (although your cancer example is pretty shitty attention grabbing bs op) these things are very subjectively.

CactusUmbrella · 21/12/2024 16:35

Some people do actually find that funny OP. I have countless interactions with both people I know and strangers where they'll make a joke or funny comment about being an "oldie" or "getting old" so some people do find the humour in it. Getting old is a good thing, it means you've lived a long life.

There is no humour in having cancer.

ForPearlViper · 21/12/2024 16:35

When you get older though, your age becomes a badge of honour. My Mum has been telling everyone she is ninety this year since she hit eighty nine. It inevitably triggers a lot of compliments (to be fair she is doing good for her age, touch wood and doesn't look a day over 80!) and she enjoys getting her ego stroked.

I am appalled by the amount of ageism we see in society - including on Mumsnet when everyone over 55 apparently either has dementia or it is looming over their shoulders. But I can't say I'm too worried about 'age' cards - unless there is a suggestion of being decrepid on them.

I can't say at this point I find ageing soul destroying personally.

Original poster

IfitsNotoverItsNottheEnd · 21/12/2024 16:38

@ginasevern Brilliant post, thank you. Where do you draw the line? I have alcoholic friends and I'll never send them a card about getting comatosed for instance. I totally agree that when people are the same age and with the same sense of humour, there is a difference, but nope! Still can't send them that kind of card. For me the line is drawn by not sending any of these kind of cards, including a religious scene on a Christmas card. Happy to be branded woke and crazy, but if someone's bad at golf, as you give as an example, I don't want to point out to them their shortcomings. Why would I laugh at their expense? I'm crap at all sorts of things. You don't need to tell me.

OP posts:

LoafofSellotape · 21/12/2024 16:39

Hate them, I think they're awful things.

DappledThings · 21/12/2024 16:39

If you love/like someone enough to send a card in the first place, why do it with a crappy, soul-destroying message?
Because not all of us find aging to be either crappy or soul-destroying? And people don't really send them to the actual elderly do they? They come to people my age in middle-age. Where bits are starting to ache occasionally and I need varifocals and a lot of the other school mums are loads younger. I'm not remotely bothered about someone joking about that.

Original poster

IfitsNotoverItsNottheEnd · 21/12/2024 16:43

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 21/12/2024 16:35

I think it depends on the relationship between the sender and the receiver.

My dad in his 70's has a good sense of humour and would see the funny side of a card telling him he is an old fart.

My ain't who is a similar age would be offended.

Surely it's about knowing your audience.

Neither view is wrong (although your cancer example is pretty shitty attention grabbing bs op) these things are very subjectively.

Yes didn't mean to offend with the cancer thing and it's certainly not meant to be attention-grabbing but to emphasise the point: Why are some areas of life no-go areas when it comes to jokes, but others are (apparently) accepted?

Do people like your Dad really find them that funny or do they think that's the reaction they're supposed to have and if they don't they'll be branded silly or over-sensitive.

I used to have that reaction for years and then one day I was just honest with myself and recognised how upset I was to receive these cards. Then I just binned them and felt a whole lot better.

OP posts:

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 21/12/2024 16:46

IfitsNotoverItsNottheEnd · 21/12/2024 16:01

Just wondering if you would feel completely deflated and upset if someone sent you an 'age' card pointing out how old / decrepit / incapable in body and mind you now are, or if you'd fall about laughing???

I don't like them and I've found a company online who markets themselves as never selling age cards but creating 'positive' alternatives.

I mean, would you send an 18 year old a card saying something along the lines of 'God you're really young and stupid. But you can't help it, can you!'

So why send a person who can't help getting older a card reminding them that they're on the way out?

Or would you send someone with cancer a card saying: 'Oh poor you! You've got the dreaded 'C'. Guess you won't be in the gym any time soon in that state!' ??

So why can't age be a protected characteristic in cards?

If you think I'm nuts, I already know that.

Would appreciate your thoughts...

But nobody is forcing anyone to buy cards with ages on. Are you suggesting they shpuld be banned so that nobody can buy one even if they want to? Besides, I seriously doubt that most adults would consider their age to be something 'soul-destroying'!

Not meant to be shitty, but to point out that why can one thing (e.g. cancer) be on no-one's card list, but age and infirmity is? In neither scenario is the person to blame.

Well, for starters, there are 'sorry you're unwell' cards. Age isn't a terrible thing that happens to you if you're really unlucky. It's a normal thing that happens to everyone if they are lucky.* *Why would people celebrate milestone birthdays if they didn't want to remember how old they were?

Original poster

IfitsNotoverItsNottheEnd · 21/12/2024 16:50

DappledThings · 21/12/2024 16:39

If you love/like someone enough to send a card in the first place, why do it with a crappy, soul-destroying message?
Because not all of us find aging to be either crappy or soul-destroying? And people don't really send them to the actual elderly do they? They come to people my age in middle-age. Where bits are starting to ache occasionally and I need varifocals and a lot of the other school mums are loads younger. I'm not remotely bothered about someone joking about that.

@DappledThings That's great you're 'not bothered'. I just don't understand why you're not bothered??

For instance, if you knew a man who was really short, would you send him a card reminding him how vertically challenged he is: "Happy Birthday Short Arse, you're going to shrink even more before the next one! Sender falls about laughing in background.

You wouldn't, because you wouldn't be able to find a card like that in the same way you wouldn't find a birthday card about cancer.

But apparently it's okay to have a good laugh at someone's age and the related aches and pains that go with that. I just don't get it and the (what I feel is) the passive-aggressive nature of it. Help.

OP posts:

CactusUmbrella · 21/12/2024 16:53

I don't know if you're deliberately missing the point, OP. You sound very ageist.

Age is not a shortcoming. Getting old = not bad.

That's the difference.

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/12/2024 16:55

I'm 70 next year so I may well receive cards with 70 on and I'm OK with that. Nobody will send me cards correlating my age with infirmity because I'm very much not. I don't associate age with infirmity and disability because, sadly, that can happen at any age.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 21/12/2024 16:57

IfitsNotoverItsNottheEnd · 21/12/2024 16:43

Yes didn't mean to offend with the cancer thing and it's certainly not meant to be attention-grabbing but to emphasise the point: Why are some areas of life no-go areas when it comes to jokes, but others are (apparently) accepted?

Do people like your Dad really find them that funny or do they think that's the reaction they're supposed to have and if they don't they'll be branded silly or over-sensitive.

I used to have that reaction for years and then one day I was just honest with myself and recognised how upset I was to receive these cards. Then I just binned them and felt a whole lot better.

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He genuinely finds them funny.

Just because you don't find them funny doesn't mean everyone feels the same.

You are being particularly blinkered in your views.

This is definitely a you problem as opposed to a wider societal one

UndeniablyGenX · 21/12/2024 16:58

Since they are generic for anyone who is 30, 40, 50, 60 etc. they don't bother me - it's not saying the recipient personally is decrepit, it's just a joke about getting older.

Flowersonthetv · 21/12/2024 17:01

I don’t mind them, my view point it’s a privilege to get to any age milestone but maybe we have had too many young deaths in our family and it’s clouds my view.

Original poster

IfitsNotoverItsNottheEnd · 21/12/2024 17:02

Livinginadream · 21/12/2024 16:34

If you love/like someone enough to send a card in the first place, why do it with a crappy, soul-destroying message?

To make them laugh. It's fine that you don't find them funny and it's fine that you won't send them. But to feel offended by them is a bit much. People aren't sending them to hurt you, they are sending them to make light of aging and to make you laugh...unless they are a twat....most people aren't twats thought.

@Livinginadream but they never do make me laugh and never would do.

I get that some people don't like them while others don't seem at all bothered.

But there is a company selling cards based on the promise that they'll never create 'age cards'. So if they've hit on a good business model, it would suggest plenty of people don't like these cards.

I think it's more about the fact that I just don't get why anyone would want to send a card like that. It would be like going to a comedy show in 2024 and watching the comedian tell countless MIL jokes and chase half-naked women around a stage. Shouldn't we know better by now?

OP posts:

DappledThings · 21/12/2024 17:03

IfitsNotoverItsNottheEnd · 21/12/2024 16:50

@DappledThings That's great you're 'not bothered'. I just don't understand why you're not bothered??

For instance, if you knew a man who was really short, would you send him a card reminding him how vertically challenged he is: "Happy Birthday Short Arse, you're going to shrink even more before the next one! Sender falls about laughing in background.

You wouldn't, because you wouldn't be able to find a card like that in the same way you wouldn't find a birthday card about cancer.

But apparently it's okay to have a good laugh at someone's age and the related aches and pains that go with that. I just don't get it and the (what I feel is) the passive-aggressive nature of it. Help.

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How am I not bothered? Dunno, I'm just not. No more than I am about wearing glasses or having grey hair or loads of other stuff.

You are bothered fine, you can choose to be but plenty of us are quite cheerful about getting older.

WilfredsPies · 21/12/2024 17:17

OP, if you’re this sensitive about getting older, how will you cope as you age?

Original poster

IfitsNotoverItsNottheEnd · 21/12/2024 17:18

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 21/12/2024 16:46

But nobody is forcing anyone to buy cards with ages on. Are you suggesting they shpuld be banned so that nobody can buy one even if they want to? Besides, I seriously doubt that most adults would consider their age to be something 'soul-destroying'!

Not meant to be shitty, but to point out that why can one thing (e.g. cancer) be on no-one's card list, but age and infirmity is? In neither scenario is the person to blame.

Well, for starters, there are 'sorry you're unwell' cards. Age isn't a terrible thing that happens to you if you're really unlucky. It's a normal thing that happens to everyone if they are lucky.* *Why would people celebrate milestone birthdays if they didn't want to remember how old they were?

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@AllProperTeaIsTheft "Age isn't a terrible thing that happens to you if you're really unlucky. It's a normal thing that happens to everyone if they are lucky.* *Why would people celebrate milestone birthdays if they didn't want to remember how old they were?"

Yes, totally agree in part, but the cards i'm talking about don't contain messages of congratulations and the positive side of ageing such as: "You've reached a marvellous milestone and every year you're even wiser, better, more beautiful..."

No, they say stuff like: "Silly old fart - I'd give up the gym and stick to gin! You'll fall over either way." Sender falls about laughing hysterically

Also I would be happy if the cards were banned. I mean Golliwogs on jam jars were weren't they? Why will you honour race but not age?

I disagree that people are mentally unaffected by age. I've seen people, often men, really depressed over advancing years and 'milestone' birthdays. Men, particularly, won't always let on when they're depressed so I wouldn't take the risk of sending them a card that reminds them of the very thing that is worrying them. Just me.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 21/12/2024 17:22

For instance, if you knew a man who was really short, would you send him a card reminding him how vertically challenged he is: "Happy Birthday Short Arse, you're going to shrink even more before the next one! Sender falls about laughing in background.

My DH would genuinely find that funny. But he's not sensitive about his height. He's shorter than average but not Danny DeVito or something.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 21/12/2024 17:22

IfitsNotoverItsNottheEnd · 21/12/2024 17:18

@AllProperTeaIsTheft "Age isn't a terrible thing that happens to you if you're really unlucky. It's a normal thing that happens to everyone if they are lucky.* *Why would people celebrate milestone birthdays if they didn't want to remember how old they were?"

Yes, totally agree in part, but the cards i'm talking about don't contain messages of congratulations and the positive side of ageing such as: "You've reached a marvellous milestone and every year you're even wiser, better, more beautiful..."

No, they say stuff like: "Silly old fart - I'd give up the gym and stick to gin! You'll fall over either way." Sender falls about laughing hysterically

Also I would be happy if the cards were banned. I mean Golliwogs on jam jars were weren't they? Why will you honour race but not age?

I disagree that people are mentally unaffected by age. I've seen people, often men, really depressed over advancing years and 'milestone' birthdays. Men, particularly, won't always let on when they're depressed so I wouldn't take the risk of sending them a card that reminds them of the very thing that is worrying them. Just me.

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Did you genuinely just compare racist iconography to a birthday card about getting older.

Jesus wept, talk about tone deaf op.

This is a you problem and a problem with the people who are sending them. They clearly don't know know you well.

But for the love of God, get a flaming grip