'Age' cards - good or bad?

[IfitsNotoverItsNottheEnd]

Just wondering if you would feel completely deflated and upset if someone sent you an 'age' card pointing out how old / decrepit / incapable in body and mind you now are, or if you'd fall about laughing???

I don't like them and I've found a company online who markets themselves as never selling age cards but creating 'positive' alternatives.

I mean, would you send an 18 year old a card saying something along the lines of 'God you're really young and stupid. But you can't help it, can you!'

So why send a person who can't help getting older a card reminding them that they're on the way out?

Or would you send someone with cancer a card saying: 'Oh poor you! You've got the dreaded 'C'. Guess you won't be in the gym any time soon in that state!' ??

So why can't age be a protected characteristic in cards?

If you think I'm nuts, I already know that.

Would appreciate your thoughts...

@DappledThings I would say I am bothered about wearing glasses (because it's frustrating to know I can't read things without them), and grey hair (because I have to make a decision to colour it or just go grey, which I didn't when I was younger):

But, I get your point in the sense that there's no point in being bothered by getting older and the like because it's inevitable (and a blessing to still be alive).

But, that's not the same as receiving a card from someone with negative messages and images about ageing.

Why are we behaving like a so-called comedian from the 1970s with unfunny jokes at someone else's expense? That's what I'm trying to get at.

I get that some people don't like them while others don't seem at all bothered.
But there is a company selling cards based on the promise that they'll never create 'age cards'. So if they've hit on a good business model, it would suggest plenty of people don't like these cards.
I think it's more about the fact that I just don't get why anyone would want to send a card like that. It would be like going to a comedy show in 2024 and watching the comedian tell countless MIL jokes and chase half-naked women around a stage. Shouldn't we know better by now?

You say you understand that some people like them and some people don't, but then your posts show that you don't actually understand this. The key is to get cards you think the person will like. Of course age cards shouldn't be banned.

Your comment about the 'good business model' makes zero sense. How do you know if the company is doing well? I don't particularly see why it would. After all, all other card companies sell plenty of cards that aren't age cards! What a bonkers thread!

Different people find different jokes funny. Having a bit of a laugh about the annoying things in life which come to us all is pretty normal and healthy imo.

You keep comparing ageing to terrible things that only happen to some people. Everyone ages and it's not a terrible thing.

To me it seems like you are struggling with coming to terms with the fact that you are ageing.

I think there is a shared amusement amongst my parents and their friends in their 70s that all of these things that they swore would never happen to them are happening because it is pretty much an inevitable part of aging.
I find it frustrating but mainly amusing that I now can't go away for the night without my glasses, tweezer or HRT which such things weren't part of my life just a few years ago.

The basis of much humour is gentle teasing. For many of us silly jokes about being over the hill are just that, a bit silly. For you they're offensive and distressing. Fine, if you want them to be. But there's no universal experience.

I'm fine about aging so jokes don't bother me. Saying I'm over the hill doesn't bother me because I don't think I am so it's just a silly joke. If I was miserable about aging anyway as you are then yes it could be hurtful.

Would I send one? Probably not but I hardly send cards anyway. Would I be bothered about receiving one? Not in the least

I don't know where you are buying your cards but I'm not seeing cards like this.

Yes exactly. It sounds like you have a bit of a fucked up attitude to aging and that's affecting your view of pretty benign greetings cards.

It's not that the sender falls around laughing either. Both sender and recipient have a very short chuckle of length "ha".

Better that than something flowery and twee.

Is the online card company yours, is this spam?

Agree with this, especially re the importance of gentle teasing.

Also I'd send an "over the hill" card to my fit and healthy friends turning 40, but not to my FIL turning 80 in poor health, and I think most people would be the same.

@CaptainMyCaptain I've seen worse ...

An age like 40/50/60 yes definitely, and I received all cards with 40 on for my 40th. I got my mum one with 70, and a cake with 70 on. Not sure why people get so hung up on their age, you need to reframe your thinking on age, growing old is a privilege that’s denied to many. There’s 3 of my old classmates who didn’t see 40, 2 didn’t even see 30.

Exactly this. They go to middle aged people like me because it's silly to think of someone in their 40s being decrepit. That's what makes it silly and not offensive to most of us.

@AllProperTeaIsTheft

"Different people find different jokes funny. Having a bit of a laugh about the annoying things in life which come to us all is pretty normal and healthy imo."

Okay I respect your opinion.

But what I'm trying to say is, in employment Age is a protected characteristic along with Race, Gender, Sexuality.... I'm sure you know the rest.

You don't send someone a birthday card about race, or being gay. The ones that still exist about gender are pretty paltry and depressing IMO.

But there are still so many about age! WTAF! I can't be racist but I can be ageist?

Okay a lot of people won't send cards anymore in any case. Cost is prohibitive.

But still......

@Zanatdy Yes I don't think I'm explaining myself very well. I'm okay about ageing and I totally agree that it's a privilege to get old and I also know people (quite a few sadly) who died younger than me and some very young.

The issue is specifically about birthday cards. An example: your friend is black. They're also getting older. You might send them a card with a joke about being 'old and decrepit' but you're unlikely to send them a card ribbing them for being black.

There are plenty of cards on the shelves with so-called jokes about being older. Not so many about being black.

So why are we happy to tease and laugh about age but not other characteristics? You can't change the colour of your skin (easily). You can't change your sexuality. You can't change your age. But you can joke about age and not the others???

Is this a covert ad for the card company?

Op you have a very gloomy view of ageing. It isn't all decrepitude and infermity, and there's always something to celebrate for example another year of being alive.

@CactusUmbrella I agree there's no humour in cancer but I can't see the humour in age either.

I just can't make a joke to someone (however friendly the intention) about something they have no control over.

I'm now living my best life. Happiest I've ever been. So in that regard growing older and happiness are together hand in hand.

But. No-one chooses to get older. It happens to you. Would I drop a couple of decades and live the life I'm living now. Absolutely!

If you're really happier being say 70 over 35, crack on. I just don't believe people are. And that's one of the reasons I don't like age cards (which is what this thread is about - not getting older or being old).

I don’t tend to buy the age joke cards as some people are sensitive to it, but at the same time I wouldn’t be offended if someone bought one for me. One old friend I can remember doing so at one point over the years

@Zanatdy okay and sorry to bang on, but I can I put it another way.

If you had the choice - would you choose / prefer / opt for a card with jokes about your age, or...

any other kind of card: sunset, moon, prophetic saying, nature, art - anything else

or would you prefer the age card?

I agree there's no humour in cancer but I can't see the humour in age either

It sounds like you’re hung up on getting older and see it as a negative thing, so any jokes about it are offensive.

Im not embarrassed about getting older I’ll happily tell anyone who asks my how old I am. Of course I abhor ageism but a friend sending me a card about being over the hill isn’t in the same category.

@Redcrayons
"Of course I abhor ageism but a friend sending me a card about being over the hill isn’t in the same category."

Isn't in the same category? What do you think ageism is then? Since when is telling someone they are "over the hill" not ageist?

@Onlycoffee No covert ad.

Again, not explaining myself very well. I'm not sad, embarrassed or feeling gloomy about getting older. Yes it is a privilege. Happy to still be alive when others aren't etc

The very specific point is about sending 'age' cards. Why is okay to joke with someone via a card (no matter how well you know them), but not to rib them about being black or gay? Why do we accept ageism so readily?

If you had the choice, would you receive a different kind of card over one teasing you about your age and capabilities?

As another poster said, these age cards tend to be delivered to middle-aged people rather than those in their 80s and beyond. So there is an etiquette.

If you wouldn't send one to someone in their 80s, why is it okay to send one to someone who is 45? Just don't get it.

It’s all about context.
My slightly younger sister sending me a birthday card for a milestone birthday joking that I’m over the hill is not ageism.
My manager making jokes about Middle Aged women getting lost on the way to a meeting is ageism.
I’ve experienced plenty of ageism, and none of it on birthday cards.

I understand that you don’t like it, if you’re sensitive about your age. But I don’t care.

Your comparisons to cancer and racism are way off.

*slght correction. I don’t care about my age, not that I don’t care that you don’t like it.

If you wouldn't send one to someone in their 80s, why is it okay to send one to someone who is 45? Just don't get it
Because being 45 (which I am by the way) isn't actually old. So it's just a silly joke to say they are. Someone who is 80 might actually be feeling old and that they are nearing the end of their life.

Same as someone who is turning a random. Age like 47 might joke about it being their 21st again when asked. It's just another angle on that.

Talk about overthinking.

If you don’t find them funny don’t buy them. If someone knows you they should know you don’t like them and to not send them.
I don’t like Family Guy but plenty of people do. I just don’t watch it, but I’m not calling for it to be cancelled.