To think they should tell us where the will is

[InformEducateEntertain]

My DM passed a couple of years ago. Sorting out the death admin was a lot of work but it was helped by fact that she had told us where her will was, who the executors were and who benefited.

In contrast my PIL's who are still alive but very elderly and frail are refusing to tell DH the location and details of the will.

AIBU to think that this is selfish as it's going to make it harder to organise things in the future.

My mum had her will done 2020 because of COVID, naming siblings POA and execs [I live abroad] it was done by a solicitor at home. I was apparently a beneficiary but have never seen the will or been contacted. I come from a seriously dysfunctional toxic family hence the move abroad. I have recently checked.gov site and nothing listed. Over the years my mum has owed me large sums of money which she always said she would eventually repay, there seems to be no way of checking.

DH and I have told the DC where our wills are and that apart from a couple of small bequests everything is split equally between them. We do need to set up POAs, resolution for 2025!

The way wills work is crazy in this country. You're supposed to make sure there is one but the deceased may not have told you there is one, not told you where it is, not used a solicitor and not registered it. In which case you're reduced to randomly hunting for it. How long do you search before giving up? It all puts huge pressure on people already grieving. The only sensible thing is to at the very least tell executors where it is and to have multiple copies. Makes me think we should have a system where anyone can register a will, no solicitor needed, but if it's not registered it's not valid.

On power of attorney, a lot of people also don't know that you can set them up to only come into effect if/when you've lost capacity to make decisions yourself. So for people who don't want to hand over control too early, you don't have to. It is much better to have one in place, than to be dealing with someone who has lost capacity and find you can't get anything done for them.

Actually DH's siblings don't know either. It is they who say they think DH is an executor but can't remember why they think this. He'd just like to know to make a potentially difficult time a little easier. iL's are not hugely well off or anything. It's just the hassle at a time when no one is going to be at their best.

I totally agree with the OP. Anyone disagreeing with them has obviously never been screwed over in someone’s will. Why wouldn’t you just tell your child? Unless you had something to hide maybe? It’s nothing about being grabby or thinking they’re going to die, it’s something you do to safeguard the people you love. OP I’d be suspicious about this.

I agree, it would be so simple if all wills had to be registered to be valid. There is already a database.