To think they should tell us where the will is

[InformEducateEntertain]

My DM passed a couple of years ago. Sorting out the death admin was a lot of work but it was helped by fact that she had told us where her will was, who the executors were and who benefited.

In contrast my PIL's who are still alive but very elderly and frail are refusing to tell DH the location and details of the will.

AIBU to think that this is selfish as it's going to make it harder to organise things in the future.

There's a big difference between asking what's in the will and am I an executor, and if so where do I find the will and other important documents when the time comes. My parents have lived in the same house for decades, that's a lot of stuff to search through if you don't know and have no idea who the solicitors they use are. I'd hate to either not find it, or not find it in time eg if there were wishes re the funeral.

We think DH is probably an executor because he is a man and in a proper job and his siblings aren't (this is how they think)

It's considered advisable to ask someone if they're prepared to be an executor before naming them, but maybe enquiring who the excutor(s) are could be a way forward

If they won't disclose this and you're pretty sure it's your DH, do you at least know which solicitors they use?

I think it’s weird the poor guy will have to a game of ‘hunt the will’ when he’d rather grieve.

It’s an envelope. “It’s with such and such solicitors” or “it’s in the top drawer” are going to make everything a lot smoother.

But OP wants to know "the location and details of the will." It's in the OP.

I know with absolute certainty they were intestate.

Not something I want to provide details of but I know there was no will.

Yes, but OP's in laws are adults and can take that risk (of their funeral wishes not being found in time) if they so choose.

I don't think it is weird to know the contents (both) my DP shared this with me & siblings. Sounds odd but it meant we had some difficult conversations before a time
when grief would have made them much worse.

However DH would just like to know where it is and it would be helpful to know if he is an executor. I think asking about the solicitor is a good idea. Thanks

Fair enough!

I've given both Dds copies of my Will as well as the Executor. Can't understand people making things difficult after their death.

I agree with that. But the son is also an adult and if he's executor he should know, have the option to decline that if he wishes, or say yes but only if I know where the paperwork is so I don't have to turn the house upside down when I'll be grieving.

I'm an executor of my parents will and have a copy. My siblings all know what is in it. Is it possible that they don't want to discuss it because they have chosen a different sibling to be an executor and don't want the awkward conversation? They might not feel the need to discuss it further if it's all in hand.

I wouldn’t be that concerned, as I recall, if there is no will then the estate passes to next of kin which would be the spouse then the children. If there is a will, you can search for it on the National Will Register.

My mother is very much "its private" about everything but even she agreed that my sister and I need to know where their wills are (lodged with their solicitor).

Seems daft not to say where it is, it just makes life harder at a time when things are already going to be tough.

If a will is lodged with a solicitor, there will always be a copy indoors.

Having spent a week searching for a will, then spent time contacting local solicitors to try and find a will, for someone who it turns out died intestate, you are very sensible to ask where the will is. It is a complete pain searching for one and even more of a pain if you can't find it.

Keeping details of the contents private is absolutely appropriate and normal but they should at least tell someone where it is.

That's an attitude which will potentially make ait of things difficult in the future unfortunately.

We have POAs in place and know where things are for my parents, but my FIL died earlier this year, DH was under the impression he'd written a will, but no-one has been able to track it down, so that's made dealing with his (relatively small) estate much more complicated.

My dad told me for 40 years his will was held by his solicitor and that solicitor was exec. 3 way split between his children and if mum outlived him sort of an undiscussed assumption I would look after her. I am the sensible one in the family.
Huge argument between him and my sister 2021 where he said everything left to my brother. Massive drama for me to calm down, dad reiterated that nothing had changed, he didn't remember saying it to sister [he has lots of form for lying]
After COVID and a long hospital admission for dad age 94 it was probably time we had a chat about their wishes, paperwork, utilities, pensions etc as my mum wasn't capable of sorting anything. Long story short dad and siblings been lying since 2010 when his solicitor retired and he made siblings execs and they knew. Gotta say it was massive shock. Once caught out there was much tears and hand wringing, he said I was an exec but forgot to tell me. I know he is lying. My mum died and siblings didn't help him. Tbh it was a blessing as I was able to emotionally disengage. It's not about what is in the will, it is the lying and the fact that it will be a shit show when the time comes.
Mine and husband will are straight forward and my nieces will inherit my estate and they are execs and have all the paperwork, my mum was horrified I hadn't left her my fabulous jewelry collection! So a clause that if I go first she can pick 3 pieces. Secrecy usually= dishonesty.

Only if it has been registered. My mum died over a year ago and no sign of it on .gov website.

I'm with you, OP. I don't understand why parents wouldn't tell their children where the will can be found/who the executor is. I think asking what's in the will is a step too far, but I accept some families are more open about financial matters.

Surely you need to ask someone if they will be executor? Not everyone wants the responsibility.

But any inheritance would go to your dad if they were married or split between the children wouldn’t it? The default if there isn’t a registered will?

Can’t understand it either but it they are being funny about it and no registered will is found then inheritance would just go to next of kin wouldn’t it?

I'm 34 and both my parents, my husband and my eldest child (wee one will be told in time but she's 3 so not a pressing priority at present) know if anything happens to me to "ring Cottons & Co"

No big deal. Some people are weird.

Definitely practical to tell family where your will is and yes make one!!

It would, yes, but then you get folk chiming in with "But they promised me ..."
TBF that happens anyway, but at least with a will it's easier to rebut it

And yes, @WallaceinAnderland, as already mentioned it's advisable - not to mention good manners - to ask if someone's prepared to be an executor, but it doesn't stop some just plonking a name down and hoping for the best