My partner doesn't go out all that often but when he does he gets into a right drunken state and it fills me with anxiety (I have childhood trauma relating to alcohol and domestic abuse) but I know there's also a part of me who is insecure about my relationship.
Anyway, when he's out I have no issues with that or do I expect him to text or check in but once it hits a certain time (1-2am) and he's not home yet I start to feel really restless as I don't know what state he's going to be in.
Yesterday he was out and texted me at 4pm then I didn't hear from him thereafter. It got to after 1am and I pinged him a call which he answered and sounded very drunk. He said he was getting a taxi home so I sat up waiting for him as didn't think he would be much longer.
Fast forward to 5.40am and he comes in - can't tell me where he's been since the call at 1am and today he's told me I need to stop behaving like this when he's out. Part of me agrees but I'm angry at the lack of respect - don't tell me you're coming home if you're not and why can't I ask where you've been? I had called him a few times and it rang out, he was on WhatsApp between 3am and 5am but didn't open my messages.
I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable and I definitely need to work on my anxiety around his late nights. He's 41 so I feel like it's unusual to want to stay out this late but I also get that he doesn't do it often so I don't know if I should just let it go and cut him some slack.
For a bit more context I feel like we're borderline room mates these days and I'm missing the flirty fun times we've had so I think I'm feeling a bit more insecure than usual.