Having a say in how someone looks after kids

[FunPombear]

Currently in bed recovering from an operation, my husband has been doing everything around the house including school drop off so pick ups etc we have asked for help on one of the weekdays from in laws. Some background both are retired, we very rarely ask for help, we do school picks ups drops off between me and husband, we normally have 3 or 4 nights out a year for birthday/Christmas/anniversary where we will put kids to bed before going out for a meal and in laws will sit at ours, during school holidays they have them 1 day a week for 6 hours the rest of the holidays husband and i spilt our leave to look after the kids, we don't like to ask for help as we feel they don't really want to look after the kids, I know they are not on tap babysitters they have their own lives but I just would have thought that they would want to see the kids ot offer once in a while to pick them up from school do dinner that type of thing but there's never an offer. Anyway they have picked kids up I'm upstairs recovering and they've been home from.school for 2 hours and all they have done is watch tv no dinner has been started so call down to kids to tell them they've had the telly on long enough and to do something else. After dinner the tv is back on again it got to 7pm and i asked if the telly could be turned off as they dont have it an hour before bed. Later on my mother in law comes up to say she doesn't like what I did earlier felt like I was watching her by saying kids had been watching tv for too long and telling them to turn it off, I know they are helping but I still can parent from.upstairs if I wish too. I just feel like they don't really want to have the kids play with them interact with them I guess this is why we very rarely ask them to look after them or they offer to want to have them, I guess when I was younger I just think back to my nan she would pick us up from school we'd always go.for Sunday dinner have sleepovers it was the best time and I am.just a bit gutted the kids are missing out on that. Anyway aibu for asking them to do certain things from upstairs in bed or should I have just left them to it.

It's temporary, I wouldn't have been bothered about a bit of extra TV

It would insanely piss me off but I would try to tell myself it was temporary and just said everyone fed no one dead until you had recovered and they can leave

You were ill, and they were keeping your children safe.
You don’t really get to dictate how they do it. Presumably you’ll be better quite soon?

Sorry hut you are being ungrateful.

They are doing you a favour and 1 night of endless tv will not turn their brains to mush.

You're minimising an awful lot of support you get with babysitting, at least 10 days! If you don't like how they do it though, then book a babysitter or childminder instead for some of those times. I like DS going to after school club because they all play together, cook together, and no TV in sight. If he perches on the sofa watching a show with grandpa once in a while when we visit, that's fine too. You just need to relax to get better, trust that everyone isvsafe, and sometimes that is enough. Get well soon!

Insanely pissed off that your children watched television?
Maybe you shouldn’t have one, in case the same thing happens to you?!

Perhaps they were watching TV as well as the kids.

You basically shouted downstairs to complain about the way they were looking after your children. It sounds to me as if they do a pretty good amount of childcare but that you expect more? The way you mention through slightly gritted teeth that you and your husband do all pick ups and get your children ready for bed before going out when your in-laws babysit...these things are normal for parents.

Already have a couple sorry darling.

yes I wouldn’t want them watching hours of tv, if grandparents come to help they can at least play with the children a little! Which luckily they all do the majority of the time they visit

You’re being very unreasonable OP. If you don’t like the way they look after your kids then you either look after them yourself OR pay for a childminder/baby sitter. Very rude when they’re doing you a favour, if I was her I’d have told you to come down and watch them yourself so I could go home since you disagree with what I’d been doing.

They're doing you a massive favour how they do it is up to them. It's not going to hurt them as a one off while you recover.

As they are helping out I think you just need to go with it even if you don't like it.

Recovering from surgery myself and it's difficult. Mobile now but when not could hear the kids asking for sweets as soon as they got hand home saying yes. It's annoying but let it slide as he was doing everything.

I probably didn't think at the time I guess because we do it all the time we're just used to doing things a certain way and once watching tv for that long isn't be all and end all, I probably sound ungrateful for the times they do help but I just think about my own childhood and compare it to that I spent most weekends with my nan and it was the best time ever for me i know we're the parents and doing all that is what we should be doing I just wish they would want to do it a bit more that's all I guess 😔

Really? It astounds me how entitled people are!

Unless they are watching Reservoir Dogs or something, let it go. You don't get to dictate when someone is doing you a favour. It's nothing dangerous , not every day and no harm done. I would be pissed off with you . Maybe they don't want to have your kids often as you want to control what they do ?

But the whole point in spending time with your grandparents is that they do things differently to your parents. And often the fun things you like without the rest of it.

I loved going to my nanny's and getting sweets and cake and my fill of Cartoon Network.

If you were well enough to parent from bed then you should have just made a bed on the sofa and supervised them from there. Ordered a takeaway if you couldn't cook and let them watch TV / play with their toys on the floor.

I think they help you loads! When I compare it to my own family, it was a few years ago they last looked after my dc for a couple of hours. It might be worth reframing in your mind that actually do you get a lot of support throughout the year.
So I would have let them get on with it, what they were doing wasn’t unsafe and only for a short time, your dc would let them know if they were hungry too.

OP are your own parents not on the scene at all? And how old are your kids? What you describe sadly is quite normal these days. I would say it’s quite a rare thing for kids to sleepover and be babysit regularly by grandparents. I don’t know why there has been such a shift when so many of us spent lots of time with our own grandparents but I do think it has somehow become the norm for grandparents to protect their own time a lot more these days.

I would say that I wouldn’t have been shouting down orders from upstairs. TV really isn’t the enemy as a one off. Although your MIL could have also sucked it up and kept the peace by not retaliating.

Sorry have I incorrectly read the post? Is it your parents or your in laws?

They are not your Nan, and frankly the lives of dc today are very different from 30 years ago so things will rightly be different from when you were that age.

Please just be grateful for the help that the do offer.

My mum works full time still, kids are 5 and 8, I just need to stop comparing I guess x

Not quite it was police interceptors 😆

Such a mystery why they don't offer to help more with you hanging over the banister dishing out the marching orders.

Send then home and manage your children yourselves.

The kids will like that they spent time with their grandparent whatever that looked like