Having a say in how someone looks after kids

[FunPombear]

Currently in bed recovering from an operation, my husband has been doing everything around the house including school drop off so pick ups etc we have asked for help on one of the weekdays from in laws. Some background both are retired, we very rarely ask for help, we do school picks ups drops off between me and husband, we normally have 3 or 4 nights out a year for birthday/Christmas/anniversary where we will put kids to bed before going out for a meal and in laws will sit at ours, during school holidays they have them 1 day a week for 6 hours the rest of the holidays husband and i spilt our leave to look after the kids, we don't like to ask for help as we feel they don't really want to look after the kids, I know they are not on tap babysitters they have their own lives but I just would have thought that they would want to see the kids ot offer once in a while to pick them up from school do dinner that type of thing but there's never an offer. Anyway they have picked kids up I'm upstairs recovering and they've been home from.school for 2 hours and all they have done is watch tv no dinner has been started so call down to kids to tell them they've had the telly on long enough and to do something else. After dinner the tv is back on again it got to 7pm and i asked if the telly could be turned off as they dont have it an hour before bed. Later on my mother in law comes up to say she doesn't like what I did earlier felt like I was watching her by saying kids had been watching tv for too long and telling them to turn it off, I know they are helping but I still can parent from.upstairs if I wish too. I just feel like they don't really want to have the kids play with them interact with them I guess this is why we very rarely ask them to look after them or they offer to want to have them, I guess when I was younger I just think back to my nan she would pick us up from school we'd always go.for Sunday dinner have sleepovers it was the best time and I am.just a bit gutted the kids are missing out on that. Anyway aibu for asking them to do certain things from upstairs in bed or should I have just left them to it.

Do you not see the correlation between the parents who got their kid minded by their parents 30 years ago and them now not wanting to babysit their own grandkids?
Spoiler: they don't like being around kids.

I can see why it's annoying, OP, but I do think YABU. Unless it's unsafe, you don't really get much of a say when your parents are doing you a favour by looking after their grandchildren. They might not be the type that wants to play or make up imaginative games or read children's books. Even most parents find this boring as batshit. Having the TV on for longer than usual isn't going to harm the kids. I prob would have asked DH to sort some sort of dinner that could be heated up, or asked the 8 year old to make a jam sandwich or something like that for themselves and their sibling.

Good. Hopefully they will grow up to be law abiding citizens.

I would have just left them to it.

I agree with your MIL - I'd be annoyed if I was helping someone out by watching their kids and they were shouting instructions down the stairs!

Look when I was growing up we had 3 tv channels and only a very short amount of time on those channels was dedicated to children's tv programs. That is mostly why we weren't glued to a tv. Your children are not growing up in your childhood and they don't have the same relationship with their paternal grandparents that you had with your Nan.

My children have watched far more tv than I ever did, they are now adults and have learned a lot, even from things like Police Interceptors or Ds2's favourite, Border Security about Australia's customs and immigration. He was thrilled when Dh had his bag swabbed at the airport and I am looking daggers at Ds aged 8 pleading with my eyes not to say oooh is that for drugs?

Unclench, they are doing you a massive favour looking after your children, let them watch some tv.

Totally agree. People always want more than they have.

A lot off times grandparents don’t like to interrupt a routine and you have t asked. Think about that. You haven’t asked and you want them to take the initiative and do it anyway. Maybe they want you to bring the kids I’ve remote or do other things but maybe you didn’t take the initiative:

You also want them to use esp and know exactly what you want them to do with the kids. They probably asked the kids and the kids probably said hey wanted to watch tv. A night of tv isn’t going to kill then. You had surgery and these are extenuating circumstances. Maybe be grateful they can help at all.

It would annoy me too OP. But they’re doing you a favour and I think it comes across as really ungrateful and controlling to shout instructions to your children when the grandparents are in charge. Unless it’s actually dangerous then hold your tongue!

Unless of course you don’t want anymore babysitting from your PILs.

It doesn't really matter whether it's parents or in-laws the answer would still be the same.

If you're not happy with the service they provided you can ask for your money back.

Btw if they're retired and already taking 2 kids one day a week in the holidays plus a handful of nights out a year plus helping out your DH when you've had an operation (single parents do everything all year round btw), they're actually doing quite a lot for you. Have you thought that looking after young kids is actually exhausting for retired people?

Then you're dictating that they can't even watch tv when they're there? Bit rich when it seems they're doing a lot more than your own parents and you're not forking out for paid childcare.

Really? It astounds me how entitled people are!

It astounds me that other posters have referred to grandparents spending a few hours with their own grandchildren as doing the children's parent some kind of huge favour!

I think many people have forgotten what "family" means. It's rather entitled to expect to be part of one and not chip in with things!

OP I can understand why it annoyed you if it will disrupt the kids' routine, and you can't really rest and recover if you have to remind them even to feed the children some dinner! However, I'd let it go and just try to get well soon so things can go back to normal.