Not sure how to handle this situation.

[Bequietplease]

So I had a cleaner every two weeks for about 9 months, until earlier this year. He was a refugee who'd been in the country for a few years and was studying. He was early thirties, I think.

He was a great cleaner and very respectful. I found him other families, too. Then, I had to let him go because my work dried up. A gave him a long notice period but a few weeks after he left he sent me a very weird, rude text basically implying I had done something wrong to him. I can't remember the wording but it was just really odd. I blocked him, told the other family whom I knew.

A few weeks later he turned up and apologised. We stood outside while he explained, in a very open and vulnerable way that I'd done nothing wrong, it was him. He had trouble communicating sometimes. What I took from our chat was that he had a lot of baggage (from his life and events and separation from family in his home country) and his response to me "letting him go" was a trauma informed response.

I accepted the apology and that was that. Until last week. He messaged me and asked if I could help him find work as he was really struggling to find it. I felt bad for him - it's really tough out there - so I asked if he wanted to come and do some ad hoc work for me.

He did this yesterday. He was fine. I don't feel threatened by him, I feel sorry for him.

But then he asked me if I could see if any other families might need him. This is the problem - whilst I know I can handle him, how can i fully recommend him knowing he might 'turn' on someone else. He's also about 6.5" so imposing height.

I want to help him but can i recommend him in good conscience?

Am I right that he hasn't done anything physical, just an odd text. Was the odd text was threatening or just off?

Honestly I think this is too much involvement with a cleaner. I sympathise with his difficulties, but you paid him to clean, he did a good job, you recommended him, and when you couldn't afford a cleaner any more, you managed it well. Even leaving the trauma response situation out of it, you don't owe him anything more. You've given him some ad hoc work to help but that should be the end of it. You're not his agent or recruitment consultant. Times are tough for lots of people in many ways and we help when we can but this is not your problem and he can't rely on you to do his networking and promo. Don't make it about the risk, just keep things in perspective and say you've asked around and no one you know needs a cleaner right now. I'd leave it there and move on, keep it professional.

Not threatening, just really off. Telling me I was a weird nosy parker (If I recall, something like that...I was interested in him, I guess. His life). It was just really odd, like a mental health thing. Despite his size, I've never found him threatening.

Just say you don’t know anyone who needs a cleaner and leave it at that. Tell him to sign up with a company or agency who could get him
regular work?

Yes, I know this is also right. I do. And that's exactly what I've said. I don't know anyone, I'll have a think (but likely won't).

I just feel a lot of empathy and privilege, I guess, so it's not clear cut for me.

I would say no. And move on.

Can you point him to other resources- charities and the church or organisations that have the means to help.

We all do, so give to charity or volunteer or whatever helps to balance that. But this one feels uneasy to me. Not just the text but then coming back to you and asking for more help. It's not how things work with cleaners and even if you don't feel threatened by him, it's not great that lines are blurred, it's uncomfortable and you're only going to feed that by feeling sorry for him and getting more involved. As PP says, he should join an agency and then it would be better managed and not become the client's problem.

It sounds like you may have got overly involved in what should be a businesslike employer/employee relationship. I would just tell him you've asked around and unfortunately no-one you know is looking for a cleaner at the moment.

You’re far too involved here.

He sent you a nasty text, but then apologised when he wanted something? You’re being taken in here and you need to tread carefully.

Tell him you don’t have any work or know anyone, but suggest that he signs up with a cleaning agency.

And if you’ve ever given him a key change your locks. This one has a creepy vibe about it IMO>

As others have said this would be far too much involvement for me, in something that's supposed to be a business arrangement

Nothing wrong with being kind, but you've tried and that should be the end of it.
I also agree that he may not be the best sort to recommend, and if you want to salve your social conscience make a donation to a refugee charity

No, he apologised over 7 months ago. Within a couple of weeks from the incident. Then we've had no contact until last week.

Thanks, all. Yes, I can see how the lines might be blurred.

Hmmm - that sounds worryingly as if he might be exhausting other avenues of help (possibly because he's pissed them off?) and is starting to cast round for whoever's left

I really would step back from this one, OP; as said, if you want to help there are plenty of other avenues for doing it

I wouldn’t get involved. However, point him in the direction of local Facebook sites etc where he can advertise his services.

I'm confused - if you tell him that yes, you will tell people about him if you hear of anyone in need, how will he know if you haven't?

I worked as a cleaner for several years, and at one house I had the misfortune of bumping into the most foul person who just happened to be a window cleaner (and I have put that in bold to emphasis that I don't tar all window cleaners with the same brush, no pun intended) while I was cleaning a house...he made a comment about how much money the homeowners had in order to be able to afford a cleaner, he asked me all sorts of questions about them and my cleaning business, and peppered his entire conversation with a variety of swear words (most of which I use too, but only where and when I can get away with it).

He had a ciggie hanging out his gob, and stunk to high heaven. He then gave me a business card and asked if I could my other customers know about his services. I smiled and promised him I absolutely would. It's funny, because this must have been at least eight years ago, and this is the first time I've given him a second thought. His card went straight into the bin.

Sorry, I'm confused by your reply. What are you trying to say?

I am saying tell him YES you will tell people about him, and then tell no one about him. It's called lip service.

Are you able to recommend local Facebook groups where people may ask for cleaners, or any local agencies or even citizens advice to help with finding work? He may not be getting all the support he's entitled to

How did you meet him in the first place? I am just wondering if you can write him a reference that will help him get employment elsewhere thru the usual channels or if he was cash in hand and that would be a tricky thing for you to do?

If it was cash in hand that's almost totally on the cleaner and not the OP. Even then they could do a personal reference if preferred.

He sounds like a decent hardworking chap who freaked out when he thought the one stable thing in this far away country had gone down the tubes and he'd have no income.

I can totally understand that. It's scary being skint and having nobody to help. Poor guy. If that's the worst he does when freaked out, a cheeky text, I don't see him being a threat to anyone.

Would he be in a position to start his own cleaning company? Is there any small business gateway place near you? Does he have a mobile phone he can google local agencies from and sign up to one? He could be interested in working for a local school or nursery depending on how they hire cleaners, check the local authority website for vacancies, there are some up my way in Scotland so it could be an option for a permanent job?
He could put an ad in a local paper?

I'd write all these suggestions down for him. And tell him to put notices up in local shop windows etc.

If he doesn't have a mobile phone and you have an old one you don't need I'd give him it (factory reset) to help him. I'd prob give him £20 Christmas bonus to buy a sim if he didn't have one.

And tell him you'd ask around but your pals have had their pay and hours reduced also so you don't hold out much help. But if you think or hear of anything you'll let him know immediately.

And if you ever need a cleaner it will be him as he's done such a good job in the past and you'll provide a reference to say as much if that would help him if a potential employer asks for it.

You do that and he can't be angry against you. As you say, a man can do anything, so I'd still keep him sweet even though he currently seems harmless.

Surely a big healthy man could have got a job doing all sorts of things in the last seven years or the current run up to Christmas.

I'd stay well out of it. Just tell him you have asked and people are cutting back and no one wants a cleaner at the moment.

Just no! He might never leave her alone if she starts acting like his P.A.

All you actually know about this man, is that when things got tough and you had to let him go, he sent you an unpleasant message.

Everything else is just the story he wanted to tell you.

Do you really want to recommend him to your friends? Because, based on what you've told me, I wouldn't have him work for me, in my home.

Nod, smile and tell him you'll keep him in mind.