People writing cards with late partners in them

[notedbiscuits]

Have 6 friends and family who have lost their OH in the past 5 years.

Every single year, each of them gets a Christmas card addressed to them and their OH. They get upset by this. Then one friend lost her husband almost 3 years ago. First two Christmases her DM’s former neighbour addressed the card to my friend. Today got a card saying her and late DH,

The authors of the cards are of all ages.

I moved into my house 3 years ago. Every year since I moved I receive Xmas cards addressed to the previous owner (2 cards this year). The senders are obviously not close to the previous owners since they don’t know that they sold their house and moved away. Then why do they still send Xmas cards?

I was at the checkout buying DM Christmas gift a few years ago. Lady working till made some "thats nice" type comment, at which point I realised I'd picked put the perfect gift for someone who'd died several years ago. Odd experience.

Christmas is like that, though, so full of nostalgia and it's ok that we think fondly of those we used to know.

The first Christmas after my Dad died my Mum gave me a Christmas card signed from Mum and Dad but she crossed out the word Dad!
I was so upset seeing that it made me cry.

I really don’t understand why people send Christmas cards to others not realising that they have passed away because they haven’t seen or spoken to them all year. They clearly don’t care about the person they are sending it to so why bother. I just find it a little sad. I would find it irritating if a friend/family member sent me a yearly Christmas card but couldn’t text/phone/check in all year before that. Sending a Christmas card to someone every year and then finding out that they died years before is so odd to me.

Today my DF heard about a cousin dying in the summer. His widow was getting upset because she was getting cards with his name. Apparently her daughter didn’t inform everyone. Only her cousins. That caused a great rift according to another cousin.

Some don’t even inform people of their new addresses! Had people who sent parents a address label sticker in their cards for people to stick in address book!

I have recently discovered that some relatives send cards to my Mum with my name on them too.

I'm 62 and haven't lived with my Mum since I left university.

not entirely sure how this is linked to your OP, seem like very different circumstances?

Surely the most likely explanation is most of the people haven't been made aware that the partner is deceased? In which case, after it has happened once, surely the onus is on the person receiving the cards to write back and tell them if they don't want to be upset again every year! People aren't mind-readers, if they haven't been told someone has died how are they supposed to know? At some point you have to take some responsibility!

tbh if you're not close enough to someone to be aware whether they are still alive or not, you're not close enough to be sending them christmas cards!

The example where the person sent the card without the deceased partner for 2 years is odd, but I presume it was just a memory slip, or, possibly if they are older, someone writing their cards for them. My mum does this for my nan so I can imagine if, for example, 'Thomas & Belinda' was written in the address book my nan would remember that Thomas has passed away, but not have updated it (putting a strike through someone's name does seem a bit harsh!) but my mum wouldn't know.

I think people either just don’t think?
we have a slightly different scenario here where we have been married for 14 years, and have never been M&Mrs HisSurname, only ever Mr&Mrs CompletelyNewSurname (that was announced at the wedding). But every single year, one relative on his side sends a card to Mr&Mrs HisSurname. Doesn’t matter how many times I write our surname on the card (on the front in big font “from the CompletelyNewSurname’s!!!), or send a separate note explaining, they keep coming!!! I haven’t send a card now to them for 3 years, but they still keep sending them!!

Not really on topic, but this is reminding me of my Auntie getting a fancy new address book sometime in the 80s.

It was one of those mechanical address books where you used a lever to scroll to the right letter of the alphabet, then it “popped up.”
I was a kid and thought it was cool.

Anyway, she used pencil rather than pen for anyone she thought likely to die within the following ten years, in order to, “keep the address book tidy.”

One thing to remember particularly the older generation, Christmas cards were a way of keeping intouch with old friends and colleagues.

A bit like the current generation link to people on Facebook or LinkedIn.