Mum wants to sell property I live in ASAP

[YourLivelyRedBiscuit]

I'm in early stages of getting a property with partner - mortgage approved and started processing documents with solicitors so not very far. Mum initially promised that myself and my partner could live in current place for 'as long as it took' and my partner gave notice on his rented accommodation - landlord is selling anyway - and is leaving there February. Now she is saying that my current flat - which does belong to her TBF - needs to go on market first thing in the new year. It is her property and she can of course do what she likes with it but initially she very kindly said we could BOTH use it as a stopgap while our new house process was underway or if there was a delay. This took my partner by surprise and although he understands that he is not my mum's responsibility , we both feel taken aback by the change of heart and I feel stuck in the middle. I feel I owe it to her as she has helped me with the purchase by charging me reduced living costs. Partner says he will just get an air BnB for a while but I felt embarrassed having to communicate the change of heart and I feel stuck in the middle. I am also worried that she said that would give me XYZ money but actually turned out it was ABC money. As I said I am grateful for any help she has given me but just feel a bit let down as she has promised this then gone back on her word.

I also would like a couple or weeks or so to upgrade the flat a bit before estate agents take pictures eg. Replacing bathroom taps and bathroom lino.

How best to communicate this without her throwing back "it's my property' in my face?

We have poured in lots of money ourselves and we can do it on our own.

It's just more the broken promises which are slightly irritating

So you’ve been living rent free in her flat and you’re annoyed she wants to get things moving selling it now you’re moving out. You’re also annoyed she’s not giving you as much money as you first thought. .and you’ve damaged the flat and haven’t put it right yet.

When you put it like that....

It's not really the money, it was just the change I was unsettled by.

It's common to have part of your money tied up to get higher interest rates. If she takes it out before the maturity date she'll lose some or all of the interest.

Going on the market is a long way from a sale. Your purchase is underway and your mother will be paying service charge and other bills after you move out.

She's giving you a lot of help but you want it all on your own terms. She hasnt broken any promises, unless she specifically said the money was available anytime you asked.

Ok I massively overreacted. Sorry everyone.

Partner asking me to ask her for the money to have available to pay solicitors asap when bill comes but have a feeling it won't be there.

Ouuchhhhhh......

And his parents have bailed.
And he has given rental notice and is moving in to her flat for free?

I imagine she is suspecting an unequal relationship - possibly some 'future faking' behaviours and a potential 'cock-lodger' situation....so shes possibly putting a spanner in the works to protect you - holding back the £10k and pulling her flat from under him....

Whats his relationship history and financial situation?

Does your DM like and respect him?

I would not replace any taps or lino

To clean taps, soak an old cloth; tshirt in white vinegar & wrap round the taps
Thus should remove stains

Did you ever pay her rent? Or was the flat rent free? Morally, you should replace the taps and lino. Your damage, your cost. No?

No, you were stressed out. Understandably so. And it's not nice to promise A and then change the plan unless she has financial difficulties she hasn't told you about.

I’d think fair enough and plan to move out of her property ASAP.

I’m really confused. You don’t own the property, so why are you fretting about replacing or upgrading things before sale, or worrying about the photos?

"Mum, I just wanted to double check that you're still ok for me to stay in the flat until my purchase completes? I know you said you want to put it on the market, but I just wanted to clarify that I won't have to leave before my new home is ready to move into? Love, YourLivelyRedBiscuit xxx"

I think you may have got crossed wires. Your DM wants to sell so she is not lumbered with bills when you leave.

I don’t imagine she is going to throw you out.

Talk to her.

try this on the taps
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B073XLZXD3/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

What a terrible way to ‘teach your child a lesson’

Promising significant financial support when your child is buying a property and then bailing with no clear explanation is abusive.

OP assume no more help or promised money is coming and make your own plans accordingly

This in spades.

I get it. No matter how grateful you are for money, help etc, big promises that don't eventuate are annoying. Especially when you make plans based on those promises.

How long have you been there? Your buying a house and hers is not on the market yet so you will be moved into your new house before it's sold. What's the issue?

Promising significant financial support when your child is buying a property and then bailing with no clear explanation is abusive.

This is what the BFs parents did tho (apparently) not the OPs DM. Seems they bailed completely with no explanation.

What was the BFs explanation for this (did he feel 'stuck in the middle', 'embarassed to communicate' this to OP and 'let down' and was he as stressed as the OP)?

Maybe the OPs DM is 'unsettled' by this change as she undertsood that there was (equal?) financial support coming from the otherside and alarm bells rung when this dropped to zero?

The OPs DM has gobe over and above - she has not bailed. She has rescheduled one chunk of £10k and she is getting her flat on the market in time with no hint that they will be evicted. Their house purchase in underway - the flat is not even on the market. Conveyancing for flats generally takes longer than houses so OP is well ahead from a time perspective.

My alarm bells are ringing with the BF demanding the OPs DM has money reading for their legal bills.....

My suspicion is that the BF parents never had any money on the table .... but I'm old and cynical as I have seen enough in life so.....

Promising significant financial support when you are buying a property and then bailing with no clear explanation is abusive.

The only person to have done this is the OPs BF

Most of the time buying one place is contingent on selling another place often you will exchange contracts on both the property that you sell and buy on the same day. Once exchanged you essentially commit to buy/sell the property. All you need to do is ask your mother if she is willing to delay exchange of contracts (if her sale is progressing faster than your purchase) until you have exchanged on your purchase.

Are you and BF putting in a similar amount? Are you ringfencing any excess? Do you have a similar income? Make sure that you are protected going into the agreement.

I think it was unfair for your mum to change her mind about such important things. I wouldn't do that to my children and I don't think you and your partner are expecting handouts as it were but it seems your parents offered to help. Which is a lovely thing to be able to do given how hard it is. Our parents helped us siblings where they could and I intend to do the same for my children, that's just what we do in our family. And we all work hard too, our parents aren't wealthy they just offer whatever they could financially, be it not charging rent, looking after grandchildren, buying things for a new house.

I get being worried, housing uncertainty is stressful. But I also understand your mother wanting to sell especially since you’re moving anyway.

I’m not in the UK and my understanding is that buying/selling is a potentially lengthy process where nobody knows what’s happening for much of it (we sign contracts often within a day or two of first offer usually within 2 weeks it’s locked in and you can’t back out, with transfer anywhere from 30 -60 days after signing contact common), which makes it even more unsettling.

Time for some backup planning on your side (what to do if your plane falls through or is delayed) and calm conversation with your mother about getting the place ready to sell. It may be that she needs this to move on as she needs the money (especially as she’s not getting rent). It’s unlikely she’s just waiting to cause trouble.

@YourLivelyRedBiscuit just have a conversation about expectations. Make sure you keep pressure on your purchase so it doesn’t drag on. Take the stuff you bought with you. I’d get the lino and taps/hose sorted. I doubt your Mum expects you to move out before your purchase goes through but she probably wants things moving. It will likely take a few months even if it goes on the market immediately.

Why is your partner getting an air bnb without you?

I think you're overthinking
It takes time to sell a property and most house buyers/ sellers exchange and CV complete on the same day
Even if she agreed an offer tomorrow, it could take a couple of months to complete on her sale
Landlords put property on the market with tenants in situ.
I get that it's unsettling when goalposts change but she might have her money invested where notice is needed for withdrawal for example.
You and your DM have got your wires crossed and you need to ask her to clarify.
Do your best to clean and replace broken and stained bits in bathroom but a stain probably wouldn't put a serious buyer off