To think infertile couples should have priority

[Lil44]

I’m incredibly grateful to have been able to have my own family. However reading about the latest celeb who already has children adopting a baby makes me feel incredibly sad for infertile couples who are waiting to be able to adopt a much wanted baby. I kind of always assumed such (obviously suitable) couples had priority, seems not??

The priority should be what is best for the baby.

First post nailed it

Only about 7% of children in care are adopted, so I don't think such a couple adopting would prevent infertile couples from adopting too. I believe there are more children who need adopting than adults wanting to adopt.

Adoption shouldn't be about letting an infertile couple have a chance at parenthood, it should be about what is best for the child.

The priority should always be the child.

Yes obviously, that goes without saying 🤷🏻‍♀️ not asking for infertile couples to skip the usual checks and there may be a specific reason why a non infertile person may be the best person to adopt

I think the poster means all things being equal an infertile couple would treasure the chance. And if they were any equal valid couple then yes why bot

How do you know that the adopting celebrities haven't been on a register for a long while?

First post us exactly right!

Infertile couples can sometimes have a lot of trauma, bitterness and lack of acceptance over their infertility, which can make them not good candidates.

Are you talking about a celebrity in the UK or US ? The systems are very different.

It’s extremely complicated in some cases where infertility is a factor in the decision to adopt. Often couples need to have therapy and there’s a lot to work through. Priority needs to be given to the candidates who are the best match for each child and to make the process as quick as possible as the less time in care the better the outcome

If the adopting couple are adopting overseas, especially in the USA it is very different to the U.K. in the U.K. celebrities would be applying like anyone else

It should just be everyone equal to try and find the best parent for that child, infertile/fertile shouldn’t come into it in terms of priority.

They find the 'best' parents for the child.

There is no concept of more deserving, ( or who has been waiting longest.)

Infertile couples don't necessarily want to adopt. They want their own baby.

Adopting is not simply taking home a tiny newborn baby who needs a ready loving home. Often the children are older and in need of additional support for various reasons.

No, the infertile should not be a priority. It’s not a baby ordering service.

FPNI. Adoption is NOT for the benefit of the people who are unable to have children via other means. It is for the benefit of children who are unable to live with their birth parents. I say this as somebody who has experienced both infertility and a 2nd trimester loss.

She's saying that if both the fertile and infertile couple are equally good candidates, priority should be given to the infertile couple.

However, this isn't how adoption works. Adoption isn't dealt with as a fertility treatment where the wants and needs of the couple are used as a benchmark. It's basically all about finding the most suitable home for the child, so whether or not the couple is fertile is not taken into account.

I’m an adopter. I don’t know if I’m infertile, I never tried for birth children. If you had to prove infertility children’s wait for a family would be even longer! Also, having a child by adoption isn’t the same as having a child by birth, so part of the process is letting go of fantasy children and preparing for the reality of children who have experienced trauma and loss.

I think I know the celebrity that’s triggered your thread. If so, I’m assuming she adopted via US regulations and not UK, where social workers expect an age gap between birth and adopted children, to ensure the needs of all the children in the family can be met.

No, that’s your twisted interpretation

YABU. What about single people and couples in same sex relationships, should they just not be able to raise kids at all?

@Lil44 if that's not what you are saying, then what are you saying?

This