About genetic testing?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

DH and I were struggling for some pressie ideas for his parents and his 2 siblings. They've always joked that they're the Heinz 57 of family trees with people from all over the world so we thought it might be fun.

Fortunately DH mentioned it to his mum before we bought the tests.
She put the phone down, then called back 2 mins later, hysterically saying we couldn't, shouldn't, mustn't.
She won't say why. My FIL called later to say that they disapprove of genetic testing for privacy reasons and it would be unforgivable if we bought the tests. (This is a couple who check in on their open FB when they go to Tesco!)

We obviously won't buy them as gifts but DH and his siblings are consumed with curiosity and are thinking of just getting themselves tested. I've suggested that might not be a great idea - they joke about finding out one of them is adopted or an affair baby but it could be really traumatic. FILs brother had quite a chequered past and I suggested his dna might be in a database somewhere - what if you get uncle Derek (not his real name) arrested?

There's obviously a huge can of worms here and I think we should just put the lid back on tightly and forget about it. Am I being unreasonable?

23and me does health and / or ancestry
If other relatives are on there and click yes to being contacted, you might find close or distant relatives. My daughter d8d a test we found two hitherto unknown close relatives who had been looking for relatives. All was good outcome.

I would tread carefully, as others have said.

i decided a little while ago that it would be a great idea to do a test believing we had no secrets and wanting to find more about my ancestors.

it turns out my Grandfather was not my biological Grandfather. We had no idea. He had no idea. Father was conceived during the war. Grandmother obviously thought the secret would stay hidden. All deceased now so we will never know the whole story.

i had DNA matches with people I had never heard of, plus known cousins on my father’s maternal side, my Mother has a big family and lots of them popped up as matches. I joked to my husband that I might have uncovered a huge family secret. Turns out I have.

It doesn’t change anything, and I am glad I found out but I know other members of the family think it should have been left alone.

In the op case they could have been deceitful about their ethnic heritage- as they claim to be so dramatic about stuff.

It does make me very glad that I told my eldest who her biological father was, do wonder if he has ever told his younger DC about her!

I can’t believe people actually suggest this as gifts in the first place! But in your shoes I’d now be very curious.

They definitely should’ve just politely declined, but evidently went into fight or flight mode.

I'd tread carefully you can't unknow stuff.

You could buy them a can of worms instead 🤔😃🪱🥫

Agree with PP recommend the podcast The Gift - is brilliant and covers a range of different issues that can result from gifting DNA tests. Really eye opening and some of the issues are not obvious at first thought. It’s also just a brilliant and interesting listen, I binged it

OP, some of the things DH and his siblings are speculating about might actually be worse than the truth.

After Christmas, I would suggest he (or another sibling) quietly mentions to his parents that they're planning to take DNA tests, so if there's something the parents think they will find out, it might be better coming from them.

Then the parents, who obviously know what the secret is, can mull it over and decide whether it's best coming from them or from the testing company.

They may just think these things are best left alone. Seems a bit of an extreme reaction though. I find my in-laws are embarrassed about things my generation just see as normal. They pretend to some people that dh was born 3 months early weighing nearly 6lb to hide that mil was pregnant with him at their wedding. And FIL won't let me watch certain things on his tv, even when he is out, because he doesn't want the BBC thinking he watches certain programmes. I've told him the bbc won't care what he watches but he is insistent.

Yes, exactly. My grandfather only discovered his long-dead parents weren’t married when he applied for his first passport in late middle age. To my generation, not a big deal. To him, enormous shame and trauma.

It’s perfectly possible this is a storm in a teacup that concerns your parents’ in law parents’ generation, and all concerned are long dead.