Is it aggressive to end a question with "or not"?

[scalt]

"Are you coming, or not?"
"Are you going to support my cause, or not?"
"Do you like Christmas, or not?"
"Do you believe in Santa, or not?"

To me, sticking "or not" on the end of a question quite strongly implies aggression, or demanding an answer RIGHT NOW. I know somebody who does this in conversation all the time, probably innocently, with questions such as "did you go to the shops, or not?" "Did you win your game, or not?" To me, the "or not" is redundant, and sounds like aggression, and implies that only a binary yes/no is wanted, and nothing more, and certainly not a longer answer.

YANBU - "or not" is aggressive
YABU - "or not" is not aggressive

I was thinking no, not always, but actually each of your examples do sound aggressive to me when I think about it.

It could be due to tone or equally it could simply be their speech pattern.

Would you like salad, or not?
Would you like to go to see a film this weekend, or not?

Etc…it isn’t inherently aggressive.

Is it aggressive to end a question with 'or not', or not?

"Are you coming, or not?" sounds more exasperated than 'aggressive' to me. Whether mildly or seriously depends on tone, of course.

I think it normally does. I read through your examples and they do all sound a bit aggressive. However, my mum might say 'did you go to the shops or not in the end?' and that doesn't sound aggressive to me - the 'in the end' softens in somehow. I think by implying it had been a matter of debate? Sorry, just musing on now!

Aggressive would depend on how it was said surely? It sounds more like it's something they don't know they're saying if it's literally at the end of every sentence.

It's all about the tone. You can make it sound aggressive ...or not!😄

It's unnecessary, but I don't think of it at aggressive.

It's true that unless you hear the question spoken, it's hard to tell from the tone. But if we think of other things that are tacked on to the end of questions, it influences what kind of answer is expected. For example:
"You like salad, don't you?" expects the answer yes.
"You don't like salad, do you?" expects the answer no.

When we ask a simple "Do you like salad?", the answer yes or no is acceptable, but there is an unspoken invitation to give a longer answer (and teenagers are sometimes berated for replying to such questions with a terse "yes" or "no"). To me, asking "Do you like salad, or not?" very firmly shuts down that invitation, and expects nothing more than yes or no. And yes, @ErrolTheDragon , perhaps "exasperated" is a better word, but I do think "or not" often implies some kind of negativity.

It sounds exasperated rather than aggressive to me. “Enough prevaricating, decide!”

YABU.

I mean, it is unnecessary in your examples, but it's not 'aggressive'.

Oh that reminds me of going for tea at a friend's house when I was 5. Her mum asked me "do you like cucumber?" and I said "yes".

She glared at me and said "Yes PLEASE!".

In answer to your question, the "or not" is indeed completely redundant, but as others have said, it really depends on the tone.

This type of phrase could be a regional thing. In Cornwall, they use ‘or no?’ instead of ‘or not?’ I suspect this is based on an echo of Cornish sentence structure. It would be interesting to know if there is similar in Wales..

So in Cornwall it would be, ‘are you going pub, or no?’

It is worlds away from aggressive here.

It does sound rather tiresome, but it actually gives you a get-out clause if they ask you to do something you don't want to do:

"Can you babysit for me this evening or not?" is easier to answer in the negative if they have already given you the option to say you can't.

If someone asked you to do the washing-up two hours ago and you still haven't done it, then:

"Are you actually going to do the washing up, or not?" is a rather passive aggressive way of telling you to bloody well get their finger out and do it because they are fed up with your bone-idle nature.

It all depends on the conversation & tones.
You could have a point

I don't think it's aggressive. I'd describe it as insistent or a bit demanding though.

I remember being told off as a teenager for the way I answered a question, by a friend of my mum's. She asked me if I wanted to do something, and I cheerfully replied "I might as well". She took great exception to that reply, saying it implied I only agreed because I felt I ought to. She later explained that her own teenage children were sometimes so rude, that she was quick to pounce on it.

I don't think it's aggressive sounding, I think it's giving a choice. What I find really objectionable is the use of 'no?' at the end of a question. Eg:
"That's aggressive, no?"
Now that really winds me up.

It’s a way of turning open questions into closed ones, isn’t it — I can easily imagine it sounding challenging or aggressive. Especially if someone did it all the time.

But as pps have said, tone can make all the difference.

Poor small you! Other people’s parents being scary was the worst

They are already closed questions - “are you coming to the pub? Do you want this slice of cake?” They are yes or no questions.

Adding the Or Not implies an impatience on behalf of the questioner, or that the person being addressed is dithering.

It's not aggressive the way I use it. To me it would be more making it plain that the two options were both completely fine.

"Do you fancy that party tonight or not?" is less direct and demanding to me than, "Are you coming to the party?"

Ah you’re right of course, @JingleB . I suppose what I was vaguely thinking/meaning was that the ‘or not’ gives extra emphasis to that closedness — basically what the op said above about closing down the possibility of a willingness to hear more detail.

I have a touch of pre-Christmas task overwhelm and should not really be attempting to contribute to threads