No elbows on the table rule is arbitrary and not relevant in 2024

[ShortWide]

I was taught not to put my elbows on the table when eating, but I have decided that as long as I don’t encroach on my fellow diners’ space, this is not a problem. Not sure what everyone else thinks though! I could definitely be persuaded to change my mind on this if the majority of people would be horrified by this lack of manners.

YABU - you should never have elbows on the table

YANBU - elbows on the table is no big deal these days

I'm afraid I put my elbows on the table too. I have short arms and it feels easier, definitely not spreading out for me

I think the real reason has been lost in translation. Much like saying 'pardon?' to sound 'posh'. It's correct to say 'what?'.

The knife and fork in the middle of the plate is an indicator that it can be taken, even if food is on the plate. It just helps lone diners to not get their plate taken if they've had to leave the table.
@GasPanic in the UK we tend to eat foods with K&Fs, when actually a big spoon makes more sense and was once what we would have eaten with.
Etiquette was a way to convince the oppressors that they were quite right to not share/keep slaves, because they were so much better than thise who wasn't like them.

We don’t have it on our house and it’s a rule I teach my kids as well.

I don't think I could actually sit at a table and eat while having elbows on.
Never thought about it.
Table is actually very hard for my bony elbows.

We insist on elbows on the table at ours. No idea what people might be doing with their hands under that table!

Elbows on the table while you're sitting and chatting? I don't have a problem with it.

Elbows on the table while you're putting food in your mouth? I don't like it and won't do it.

Does it make sense? Not really, not in this day and age.
Will I stop not liking it? Nope! I just wouldn't ever say anything!

It's actually really awkward for me. I appreciate everyone is different, but for me the only way it would work is if my elbows basically stick out at right angles and I would have to hunch my body forward. I would probably take up 3x as much space and probably pull the tablecloth around as I tried to eat.

it feels far more natural just to rest my forearms on the edge of the table.

I think it's only impolite if you are slouching across the table. Sometimes an elbow just on the table is the only way to get comfy or lean in to hear someone.

DHs family very musical - they always tell us about how their mum would say 'Don't sing at the table'. I remember my MIL issuing the command 'Get down!' when the cat used to slip up onto the dining chair behind her during meals. There was immediate response to this from the cat. Very effective bossiness 🤣

I was just about to add that one!

Im horrified by the table manners of friends children when I go to their houses, but I know that’s because of how it was drummed into me, growing up my dad was so strict about them and nasty when they weren’t followed. “I don’t want to see it going round like a cement mixer” if he was opposite you and you dared to open your mouth. Prob got followed by a “thick ear”. I now hate it when my husband eats gung ho mouth full open!! I go mad, I find it so rude. I guess it’s what you get used to.

I hate knives and forks not closed when you’re finished! They are all things that make things easier and are about communication. So I guess you need to analyse each one and throw it out if it doesn’t serve now.

really interested to hear how elbows off aids digestion. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water comes to mind!

Isn't elbows on table from the same genre of etiquette as talking with hands in pockets or with arms crossed or sitting slouched? Life is much more relaxed now than it was.

I’d rest my elbows, or one elbow, on the table if I was sitting opposite somebody, or eating by myself. Sitting at a long table, banquet-style, you get in the way of the people to the side of you if you lean forwards onto the table.

I very rarely have formal meals at a long table though, so not relevant day to day. Just weddings and work meals really.

If you’re on a long table and part way down, someone has their elbows on the table, they cut off one end of the table from the other. It’s incredibly rude. I always thought that was the reason.

So if you don’t have people either side of you, I’d assume the rule doesn’t apply.

One day dc started telling us (the parents) we are not supposed to put elbows on the table. Learned at school no doubt. We looked at each other thinking what harm does it do to anyone...
But then we've realised if our dc does put his elbows on the table his sleeves end up messy as somehow food manages to escape the boundaries of the plate and he wipes it with his elbows without noticing.
So we are all follow the rule at the moment to prevent that happening.

I've seen slobs with elbows on the table while they are physically eating. That is a definite no.

Putting your elbows on the table isn't an issue in itself. The issue is that when you lean forwards slightly to put your elbows on the table, you prevent the people either side of you from seeing each other and joining in the conversation. Particularly annoying if they then turn away from you to talk to the people you can't see.

Happened to me the other day at a works Christmas do.

This!

My nearly adult daughter does this and it drives me nuts, I find it rude and inconsiderate. We have lots of battles and bigger hills I could die on but still….

Elbows on the table is rude sorry. Says to me you don’t have manners. May not be right or popular but that’s just me.

Never while eating, but ok afterwards.

I’ve been to lots of very nice restaurants, been at formal dinners for work, and regularly have and go to dinner parties (though I think calling them dinner parties is also naff and outdated!). I regularly have my elbows on the table and couldn’t give a hoot.

Admittedly I’ve never been to dinner with aristocracy, but I’ve NEVER seen anyone care one bit about elbows, or the right knife, or any other stereotypical ‘good table manners’ nonsense. I will judge if you hog the food or don’t top up others’ wine before seeing to yourself though!

I think it does depend how tall you are and how long your arms are.

Table manners differ from country to country too.

I France I understand, you are expected to have elbows and hands on the table so your fellow diners can see you're not holding a weapon !

I wouldn't worry about it, but for God's sake don't pass the port the wrong way round the table! (I have no idea which is the right way!)

So you prioritise what is seen as the done thing to comfort? Why?

I find it fascinating that people would manage others behaviour and comfort. That would be considered unreasonable and rude in my family and friends groups.

As long as it's not (physically) disturbing your neighbours at the table, who cares? If there's enough room that you're not jostling someone sitting beside you, it's just a silly, pointless rule. I still probably wouldn't do it in a particularly formal setting, but at home or when dining casually with friends, I can't see that it matters.

I don't understand how it's more comfortable to put elbows on the table? I've just sat at the table with knife and fork to test this out, it felt really weird with my elbows on.