Online dating red flag?

[Soniastrumpet1984]

OK. I may well just be very jaded and picky buy what do you think of this

Chatting for couple of days. All normal. But he's very keen on me sending photos. Now there's photos on my profile, I've shared one so far - very normal type (he was in the crowd at a rugby match I was in a warm coffee shop)
But since then, any chat will be 'send me a pic' for eg last night he said he was having a night in with his daughter, I said oh oovely enjoy it, it's my work party , and straight away he said "any pics of you dressed up?"
Is this a bad sign, or am I just middle aged and have rage at all men? Totally OK with being told I need to chill out a bit as I do feel that Internet dating has confused my boundaries

That would give the ick.

I think it’s fair enough to ask for a full length photo but dressed up means he wants to see how good you can look and is more interested in looks but as much as women don’t like it to hear it many men do tend to focus more on looks. I worked in a male environment for years, a subject in higher education thats was and still is very male dominated though it’s getting better so they were not exactly Neanderthals. They let stuff slip.

We can chat to male relatives and friends but being a fly on the wall, when they forget you are there, uuggh.

Lucky escape x

If it’s not for you then it’s not for you. I think he probably does want to show interest and also see how you look in less considered and possibly more candid way. He obviously thinks you look attractive too.

This is why I wouldn’t ever do online dating though. It’s so unnatural, so open to miscommunication or misunderstanding and mistrust. Seems like a headache.

If you don’t like it though then you are under no obligation to keep up the chat.

Tell him that your photos online are recent and you don’t send photos to random blokes online. If he wants to see what you look like, you meet for coffee…. The only thing could be if you have head shots only, he might be wanting a full length one to see what you look like. Some of my friends are heavier and try to hide it in their pics… or to check if your online pics are new.

Just ask him if he collects stamps too? When he comes back puzzled, just say it’s normal to meet someone to see if attracted rather than collecting photos of random women he’s not even met… make it a lighthearted but cutting remark is my way to channel rage…

I think some folk are just bored or weirdos who never move off chatting…

the issue with old is that it’s like going into Wetherspoons- might meet a nice person but most are there for a cheap and easy pint. The menu looks good but you have to be selective about what you eat! If you’re educated/not daft you’ll have to filter out the dafties yourself - and the dafties generally don’t know they are daft. Im not an intellectual snob but “hey how’s you?” Five times a day does wear very thin.. same with “send me a pic”

I would presume that he wants to check that you actually look like the photos you have posted on your profile. I believe that both sexes can fall victim to the temptation to post profile pictures that are sometimes a little( lot) out of date. Perhaps he just wants to see that you're not 10 years older and 2 stone heavier than you've suggested .

I've got a foot in both camps it feels like.. 🤣

I've done OLD a bit in the past.
Chatted and dated etc.

I think if I was chatting to someone with a view to meet them and they hadn't asked for photos at all but I mentioned I was going out one night and they asked to see me all dressed up, I might be ok with that, maybe..

But if they'd been pestering with repeated requests for photos, then asked to see an all dressed up one, that feels different to me.

I don't think I'd chat for someone pestering for photos though tbh.

Chat for a couple days to a week, plan a coffee, go from there.

Yeah I've sent one to show I am who I am and also have full length on my profile

That would make me more interested if a guy did that! Obviously not keen on a woman with a sense of humour!

I would say it depends, so many people catfish and if you only have one pic up he is perhaps wanting more variety. He's perhaps trying to gauge. I wouldn't feel offended however asking for d.i.c.k pics would irritate me

I wouldn’t have him wanting a pic of you on a night out was a problem. Normal and harmless,. Anything more intimate is a red flag.🤷‍♀️

The thing is, if you are messaging but haven’t got around to meeting, how many pictures of you do you want this random guy to have?

I have lots of photos up and have sent two to order

Exactly!

Agree. I’d be saying ‘if you want to see what I look like dressed up, then take me on a date’

No more photos til you’ve met up

I found this with a lot of men from OLD, especially younger ones. I found it really intrusive and annoying but seems to be the norm these days

This used to really, really annoy me too and I can't exactly put my finger on why. I think it was the suggestion of taking photos 'to order' that irritated me. They never seemed to have a genuine interest in what you were actually doing, just 'send a selfie' whilst there. I found there was a strong correlation between the men who constantly asked for pictures and a lack of basic conversational skills too.

Agree with this. The chat drier than Gandhi’s flip flops so they think several selfies a day is a substitute for actual conversation.

I disagree!! Of course he wants to see the lady he's chatting to looking glam - he didn't ask for a photo of her in her bikini or in the bath just looking nice and happy in her dress!
Also a lot of women do use filters and apps to make themselves appear thinner and younger than they are apparently so it's a good test that she really looks like she claims which is fair enough in the online dating world.
But op the real test is if you assert a boundary eg 'I prefer to only send pics after we've met and I know you' and he responds anything other than respectfully to that

This used to really, really annoy me too and I can't exactly put my finger on why

I think it's because it's super boring, rude, entitled and demanding. The initial chat should be flirty, fun and light and setting you up with hopes for the date. This becomes a chore and objectifying. If I see a text pop up from a new guy I want it ti make me smile, not think oh fuck off, leave me alone. Hardly a good start.

It's annoying yes but if it's just been the twice and he sends lots of innocuous things of him making tea etc it may just be his style of communication. If he seems nice, I'd get a date booked in person and rule in or out based on that. Anything sexual before sex is on the table is a no.

Key thing is not investing too much time and effort before meeting and I think this is what it's feeling like too much of rather than the nature of the requests.

Those saying 'he's gearing up to asking for nudes' etc aren't coming from nowhere but he hasn't been inappropriate, just a bit of a pain as you don't communicate this way or wish to send endless selfies.

Don't jump to assuming the worst, just don't waste time, especially not before meeting.

I actually think it's just flirtatious, asking for a photo of you dressed up for a big night, it's not sexual or anything, just gives him a chance to compliment you. I get you might not feel like it but I don't think it's coming from a bad place.

Ha I'm glad of the update as I saw this earlier but couldn't reply until now, I was going to write, that's no red flag at all, surely fancying someone is prerequisite number 1 for any kind of dating? So why on earth would it be bad for either side to want a pic of a prospective date dressed up & looking gorgeous & say yes you were indeed as you suggested, just being middle aged grumpy & ragey at men. As perhaps I felt some apathy for the guy as I had a lovely daddy/daughter day today.

However if the donut has ghosted now, well heck your intuition is far better than mine & I don't understand OLD protocols at all & maybe you need to post up YouTube tutorials for those without a clue like me who really should give it a go, but fear the rejection would burn into the soul!

I've had this, it's so irritating. I don't think it was to get sexy pics, more to make sure you're physically attractive enough to meet in real life. Or the guy is just lonely? Either way I end up blocking them, too much too soon. I send pictures to my family and best friends!