MIL constant texting, am I overreacting?

[Rudolphrednosed]

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not.

MIL struggles a bit with boundaries especially as she is extremely close in distance and relationship to DH’s sister and brother.

DH and I live an hours drive away so don’t see her as often but we make the effort once per month or so.

She’s started texting us every single day, we’ll have a message before 6am asking how our night was (we’ve got a baby) and another before 9pm wishing us goodnight. Plus loads of other messages during the day. We have a group chat as I was sending pics of baby on it.

AIBU to find this really suffocating? It feels too much that she literally thinks of us before we’ve even got up. Plus I don’t feel the need to share details of every single night with her. If we have a bad night with DD keeping us up then she’ll follow up with a barrage of advice or spend the day googling what could possibly be wrong. It just feels too much. I’m capable of Googling or getting care for her myself if needed.

AIBU or should I just be grateful she wants to be so involved? I’ve started ignoring the texts but they just keep coming!

Just respond every time with
”Fine, thanks!”

She’ll soon get bored.

I have a friend who does this - it's constant and l dread to think what sort of a mother in law she will be in future.

Just ignore, ignore calls. Let it go a while then send her a message to say that you appreciate her concern but you are busy trying to parent! Your focus is on being the best mum you can be and you will update her as usual on your weekly phone calls.

If she pushes further put your foot down further. Be honest and say you find the level of communication too much and need her to respect your boundaries. Tell her that if anything is wrong you will let her know, but otherwise she is to assume that everything is fine and give you all some room to breath as a family of 3.

Just get into the routine of responding once only each day. She might initially pester you both, then call (all of which you can ignore) but after a while she will adjust to a once a day message. You could start your message with ‘its been a busy day’ if she is hounding you

This is still too much, why should she have to check in every single day? Her husband can’t even be bothered with that. The MIL needs put on a communication diet until she learns some boundaries. She gets a weekly phone call and will be messaged if and when they want to or have something important to say. That’s plenty.

Just mute it and send pics once a week. She’ll get used to the concept you aren’t online

Tell her as frequent pinging distracts you and disturbs the baby, and as you need to focus on the baby and your day, you keep your phone on do not disturb during the day.

You then check all text and voice messages in a block when it's convenient (not at any particular time, as that will create an expectation), and send one all well message (if you feel like it.)

You say she sends long rambling messages in the evenings - might she be solo drinking?

YABU!
FFS! Mil's can't do anything right on Mumsnet can they! If she wasn't messaging then it would be "new baby and mil not interested, but sees B/Sil children regularly" "baby not sleeping mil not offering help but helps B/Sil"

This isn't fair on the OP. It can be very suffocating having someone message you so often. I've already had two messages today already before 9am!!

I'm in my 40s and have never gone a day without hearing from DM and it's extremely suffocating and feels like I've never been allowed to fully "fly the nest".

Lots of conflicting opinions as expected on here. All I would say is set your own boundaries, your MIL then has a choice to respect them or take offence. She might be a bit off for a while but hopefully with time she will respect that you message when you have time and want to. If not then it's her loss x