DP and I are having a lot of arguments lately. From my perspective he seems to get upset with what feels to me to be innocent comments from me. Is it me? An I bring irritating and unreasonable?
Example 1: DP went in to the hospital for medical test (a scan). I asked if the doctors were able to say what was wrong. He got really upset and angry with me because they never give out scan results on the day and 'everyone knows that'. He went on and on about how he was surprised that I asked that question. I said sorry I didn't know. He just wouldn't let it drop, for about an hour. I found it upsetting because I'm not really used to hospital tests and I didn't know that they definitely wouldn't be able to tell him anything on the day.
Example 2. DP and I live separately. He mentioned that he'd been to buy some compost on the way over. I said "Oh is that for your raised beds?". I knew he was planning to build some but i knew they weren't yet built, but he is very industrious, always doing stuff and likes to buy stuff in advance. He doesn't have a garden as such so I wasn't sure what else he would be using compost for. He got very upset and angry at me. Apparently he felt that I was completely unrealistic in asking if they were for the raised beds because they months away from being complete and he would need tonnes of compost, not just one bag. It was for planting a climber apparently. He said it showed how disconnected i am from his life. I said sorry, but again he didn't let it drop. It made me feel a bit stupid tbh.
Example 3: DP has been on the waiting list to be seen about a health condition. He's been on there for months, almost a year. He said that he's called them and he's heard absolutely nothing from them for ages. I said something like 'oh dear, are you sure you haven't dropped off the list somehow?'. He went ballistic at me basically saying that he felt like I didn't trust him to be chasing them and of course he would know whether or not he's on the list. Again he wouldn't let it drop and I felt like I couldn't escape the argument.
Example 4: DP was telling me about his decorator who has been promising to come and finish some work in his house. He was meant to finish it last Christmas and now it's this Christmas and he's still not done it. The decorator promises and then cancels again and again. I asked him gently where his boundaries were and asked if he'd considered finding someone else to finish the work. DP said he was never going to let this guy off the hook and he would hassle him until he came and did the work. I said something like "God you could be waiting another 3 years". DP then got angry with me. He seemed to think that I was making a judgement on him that he would let the situation go on for that long. He went on and on about how I don't trust him. That wasn't what I was saying at all, I just know that even when you hassle people if the guy doesn't want to do it then he'll find a way out. I wasn't saying that I didn't trust DP to make it happen. He said I'm always being pessimistic.
Example 5. Driving out of the train station after picking me up DP says he's going to take a different route back to mine. I said something like "Really? Are you sure this is right? I've never been this way before". He brought this up as an example of me not trusting him. I just honestly didn't know you could go that way.
He's made it clear that I should under no circumstances make any comments whatsoever during parking. He would hate it if I said "What about this one here?" or "That space looks a bit tight" as he thinks it shows I don't trust him. I basically learnt that I have to remain completely silent. I mean literally not a peep.
In summary, he said that I am always questioning him and his judgement and that I don't trust him and I don't trust that he's handling whatever situation he's in. I do trust him and know he is doing his best and does wonderfully most of the time. I don't feel like I'm being critical. It just feels like normal chat from my side. Can anyone give any insights into this dynamic? So confused about what's going on. Is his outrage justified? Maybe I'm a really irritating airhead to be around?